DH & I have been married 15 years.
DH had an on-off relationship with ex GF for approx. 8 years when they were both in their teens/20s (in the mid-90s) and worked together. Ex dumped DH, which he was upset about at the time. From what DH tells me, both him and ex played around a bit when they were dating each other.
DH and ex grew apart and ex married in the late 90s. DH and ex continued to be on/off friends & last saw each other in early 00s (before I met DH) but when ex was married. They last had sex in mid-90s. From what DH tells me, ex is very outgoing, lots of BFs back in the day, a bit of a reputation, etc. They don't have any mutual friends.
Since I met my DH, ex has always been “in the background”, sending my DH birthday & Christmas texts most years. I knew about these texts and used to think it was amusing that ex sent them (“oh, not her again!”) DH would either ignore texts or send a 1-line reply. Contact was mostly (if not always) initiated by ex.
However, the texting increased until we’re at the current situation, where one of them either sends or receives a long text (50+ lines) every 14 days or so. Content is usual mundane stuff, writing about the 90s, ex-work colleagues, DC & school, etc., nothing sexual or overly concerning, although ex did once write “you’re beautiful both inside & outside”. Ex sometimes signs off her texts with a ‘x’ although DH never does. DH mentions me in texts, so ex knows he's married.
Turns out that ex is now divorced and has son at uni. She has a new partner who is never mentioned in the texts (DH & I know there’s a partner as did some FB work). Ex lives 70 miles from us.
DH gets funny if I look at his texts from ex, which is understandable and 90% of the time I stop reading them after the first few lines as they’re pretty mundane.
AIBU to be concerned? Tbh I’ve told DH I find it slightly disrespectful. He says there’s nothing to worry about, he chose to marry me, ex is “just a friend”, “and “what’s wrong with having a friend of the opposite sex”, etc. I don’t mind him having his ex as a friend but feel that the volume of texts have escalated over the last year (esp during lockdown, which may be understandable due to boredom) and I sense that ex would take things further with DH if given the opportunity – especially as ex has always been in the background since I met DH; had (according to DH) plenty of male interest when younger; ex never mentions her new partner plus has nothing to lose in terms of she doesn’t live with her partner. DH and ex also “crossed the line” in terms of they were once sexual partners.
Before I met DH, I was cheated on by 2 ex’s, so understandably have trust issues. DH cheated on several ex’s back in the 90s but when I mention this, his response is “I was much younger then, I’m a different person now, etc.” which is true but does a leopard change its spots? I’m not in contact with any of my ex’s on any level.
This is the only ex that DH has contact with. He’s always (as far as I know) been faithful, and me to him. As mentioned, they haven’t seen each other since early 00s. They contact each other only via text (DH isn't on FB, etc).
TIA.