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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU

18 replies

SingleworriedDad · 06/10/2020 08:50

Would you (as in mother) take your 20 month old baby girl to the beach and stay till after midnight while drinking without the father but with another guy?

OP posts:

tvsnacking · 06/10/2020 08:51

Ofcourse not!!

Spied · 06/10/2020 08:52

-beach till after midnight with a young child

drinking while at beach with young child

-with another guy

All things I wouldn't do

ghostyslovesheets · 06/10/2020 08:53

Is this one of those ‘please all join me in judging my friend/SIL/sister/NDN’ threads?

BoggledBudgie · 06/10/2020 08:54

@ghostyslovesheets think it’s his ex

Cheeeeislifenow · 06/10/2020 08:54

If she was drinking with the father? Would that change things for you?

ghostyslovesheets · 06/10/2020 08:54

Or
Baby all tucked up snug in prank on a warm beach in Spain while I have a glass of wine and watch the sunset with my new BF ?

ghostyslovesheets · 06/10/2020 08:55

Pram- auto correct is odd

BoggledBudgie · 06/10/2020 08:57

Depending on where and when, I might. I’ve had my then 1 year old asleep in a pram at a garden party while I was drinking til late in the middle of summer. Not black out drunk mind, didn’t start drinking til 8-9 and only had enough to be tipsy. But DS slept happily through it all, so I’m not one to judge someone on a beach with a child that’s safely asleep. Though I am curious about the tide in this scenario

Purplepixiedust · 06/10/2020 08:59

I think we need a bit more info here.

I assume you are the father given your user name and perhaps you are not together anymore? Was she drinking a lot or just a couple of drinks? Was baby safe and warm and able to sleep in her pushchair?

Would it be ok if she were with you instead of some other guy?

HandfulofDust · 06/10/2020 09:07

I'm not sure what the father/not father has to do with it but it doesn't particularly sound like something I'd do although I'd need to know the details. Going down to the beach with baby asleep in their buggy and having a glass of wine with a friend doesn't sound awful.

Original poster

SingleworriedDad · 06/10/2020 10:09

I am the Father. We are going through a custody battle and she is trying to take my daughter off of me. If we were still together the answer would be no, i wouldn't take them to the beach at this time and the mother knows this and she also knows that i did not agree when i found out but still it did not bother her.
Background info.
Mother arrested in Dec charged with felony assault. Past drunk driving record. Complains about consistency for our daughter and how she needs to be in bed at a certain time so this is the reason she wont let me have my daughter over night anymore. no buggy, baby held in arms. I dropped my daughter off to the mother at 7pm. I was told she was at the beach after 12am pic to prove it with time stamp. the list of concerns added up to over 20 pages that i typed out and gave to my lawyer along with text, phone records.
The guy that was with her I have meet 2times before he is a close friend of the mother for some time and she told me that he is gay so not to worry. the guy part I don't care about. the safety of our daughter i defiantly do care about.

OP posts:

BoggledBudgie · 06/10/2020 10:31

If she was arrested for felony assault I’m going to assume you’re American? I can’t comment on the legalities of the American system, but I can say it’s none of your business if she’s with another man and you’re not able to dictate what she can and can’t do when she’s with your daughter. You might want to relook at your own behaviours if you want to get anywhere in court.

User4152790 · 06/10/2020 10:37

and you’re not able to dictate what she can and can’t do when she’s with your daughter

Actually I think it’s pretty reasonable for a parent to express concerns about their baby being kept our very late in the open air with a man he doesn’t know and both adults drinking alcohol, particularly if the supervising parent has a history of drink driving.

Original poster

SingleworriedDad · 06/10/2020 10:46

I agree, this is why I am asking for advice.
I am defiantly making sure that I have crossed all of my t's and dotted my i"S i can assure you of that. I guess its hard to see what i am trying to lay out here without all of the background information. If you could walk a day in my shoes I think you may think a little different but I accept your answer. Thank you. I only got a pic and the info sent to me by a friend and will do nothing with it. I was just wondering if it was an acceptable. For once in my life I have done nothing wrong and stand by everything I am doing in the fight for my Daughters safety. Our second court date is coming up so I guess we'll find out then.

OP posts:

Original poster

SingleworriedDad · 06/10/2020 10:48

@ User4152790. Exactly my point... past history.

OP posts:

ToelessPobble · 06/10/2020 10:48

Two possibilities here, one is that you are abusive and controlling and manipulating the situation to look worse than it is. The other is that you are not and that you are genuinely concerned about the welfare of your child.

Going with the second. Yes I would be concerned if the baby is at the beach being held in mums arms and mum is completely drunk after drinking all day. I don't know how it works in America but in England I would have refused to hand the baby over until she was sober and phoned the police if it got heated as it would all then be documented.

If the baby was appropriately dressed for the weather, sleeping in mum's arms and mum not drunk, no I wouldn't be.

ToelessPobble · 06/10/2020 10:50

Just seen you were sent a photo. I would have asked your friend how drunk she was and if she was too drunk to keep the baby safe I would have gone to take her back or phoned the police to have the baby returned to my care.

Original poster

SingleworriedDad · 06/10/2020 11:35

The problem since we are not married I have no legal right and the police can not do anything unless the baby is in danger, otherwise they cant step in. I need to have custody of our daughter.( court papers) Hence the court case. I am kicking myself that I didn't call the police I really wish I had. I am trying to do everything right with the upcoming court date so going down to the beach and confronting them would end in a fight and would be bad for my case.
You know there are some amazing fathers out here in the real world but as history would have it the court usually takes the mothers side and the father is shagged and kicked to the curb and this crap needs to STOP! I have witness, evidence and I feel a strong case but i fear the history as stated above. The mother is a caring good mum i admit that, she just has a mental health problem that needs to be addressed before something terrible happens to our daughter or herself. I have seek help with her in the past at couples counseling but the mother fired her because she thought we were ganging up on her. Truth is the lady seen right through all the bull.The mother has attended alcohol classes but never completed them.( In case y'all are thinking, yes i have given up drinking at my daughters birth) like I have said I could go on for hours to defend myself but I will leave that to the court date. I feel deep down in my heart that the universe will provide and this time the Father may come out on top. I just want my daughter to have a safe and soiled base for her to start life off on the right foot. This is any parents dream. You can all look into this how ever you like but I know i am doing everything in my power to protect my Daughter just like any father should.

OP posts:

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