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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think "an overtired baby" might be a load of BS?!

25 replies

OnSilverStars · 06/10/2020 07:55

My DD, who is my second child, seems to have no rhyme or reason to her sleep and I'm starting to think the over tired baby thing all the books and websites say might not apply to all... and might just be a load of crap.
She's 4 months old

Sunday- had all her naps, spaced 2 hours apart, went to bed at 6:30.... was up every two hours throughout the night and from 3am-4:30am

Monday - took a nap from 9am-11:30 am and that was pretty much it!

Tried to let her fall asleep by herself for her next nap, tired feeding her to sleep, rocked her, took her out in the pram, she was having none of it.

Was very stressed and grumpy thinking, "oh god I'm going to have such a horrendous night with her now"

She went down last night at 7 (fell asleep by herself quite quickly - I don't leave her to cry) and she slept until 3am (8 hours!!!) had a feed and went back down until 6am

Are the books complete crap as this has happened a few times before ???

I know I'm probably forming bad habits blah blah but what can you do when they just won't sleep!?!

OP posts:

romeolovedjulliet · 06/10/2020 07:58

she will settle into a routine of sorts when she's ready, it doesn't mean you are forming bad habits.

Ponoka7 · 06/10/2020 07:59

My babies never napped, many don't. It's why on some threads we don't get why parents are tying themselves in knots trying to preserve nap time, around events.

Some babies/children/adults are more high energy and you're best just going with that.

Racoonworld · 06/10/2020 08:04

Seems very planned nap times for a baby so young. My DC is a similar age and just naps when she wants, sometimes asleep for a lot if the day and sometimes has hardly any naps. She also goes to bed when we do around 10-11.

Porcupineinwaiting · 06/10/2020 08:06

The thing with baby books is, you need to pick the bits that are helpful and discard the rest. What they describe will work for a certain number of mothers and/or babies. The trick is finding what suits you and what suits her. Babies can end up overtired though, that is a thing, so you cant entirely trust them to know best.

The thing about nap patterns is, they change. She may be moving towards 1 long middayish nap or she may sleep less for a few days then more. It can drive you crackers trying to work out what's going on.

CherryPavlova · 06/10/2020 08:07

It tends to be firstborn babies that need specific nap times and conditions to sleep. Subsequent children tend to sleep anywhere and at any time, if needed. You cannot run a family around when the latest addition might best be put in a cot. The youngest learn that pushchairs, car seats, shopping trolleys and the floor are all good places to catch up for a few minutes or a couple of hours.
I agree. I don’t understand the angst over spending hours getting them off.

Sciurus83 · 06/10/2020 08:11

Ah it varies between babies that's for sure. There's a big sleep regressing at 4 months, i think when their brains develop from just recognising objects to systems so they're busy! There's not much you can do about it but wait, it'll pass and the overtired/naps might start working again. Good luck!

Longdistance · 06/10/2020 08:13

Every baby is different and no book will tell you that, otherwise mothers/fathers wouldn’t buy them.
My dc1 only napped when she was newborn. After about 3 months she would be awake all day and needed entertaining.
Dc2 however, slept loads as a newborn, and was still having two naps a day until 2yo.

RonObvious · 06/10/2020 08:13

Yup, all babies are different. My daughter couldn’t fall asleep by herself, so we had to spend lots of time settling her, or she would become overtired and scream non-stop. Fun times.

MindyStClaire · 06/10/2020 08:17

Babies getting overtired is definitely a thing (my first still does at 2.5 on occasion), but if yours isn't so inclined that's only good news.

NewLevelsOfTiredness · 06/10/2020 08:22

My Daughter was about 9 months before she had anything like a pattern. I'd get infuriated reading 'help' articles that seemed to assume a baby would be a certain 'type' - but she was all the types, randomly.

It did slowly get easier, although she's been pretty spot on with all the sleep regressions.

B1rthis · 06/10/2020 08:25

Your baby can't tell the time.
She'll let you know when her tummy is empty, her nappy is full and feels safest in your arms.
The expert on your baby is you, not the strangers who have wrote the books.
Trust yourself to mother your way.

GreeboIsMySpiritAnimal · 06/10/2020 08:25

@Ponoka7

My babies never napped, many don't. It's why on some threads we don't get why parents are tying themselves in knots trying to preserve nap time, around events.

Some babies/children/adults are more high energy and you're best just going with that.

I'd agree with this. DD rarely napped and was a terrible sleeper. DS was a great sleeper and took regular naps.

They're 8 and 6 now - DD is still a terrible sleeper but seems to thrive on on only a few hours, whereas her brother needs lots of sleep or he really suffers. They're just made differently.

LolaSmiles · 06/10/2020 08:31

I think babies can be overtired but they don't get overtired because they didn't nap to a schedule designed for the parents' benefit.
If we watch for our child's cues and respond when they are hungry/tired/uncomfortable then it doesn't matter if they aren't following someone else's timetable.

LandMoor · 06/10/2020 08:31

My DD was constantly overtired so its definetly real!

Mummyoflittledragon · 06/10/2020 08:38

My dd was horrendous and I was exhausted and at my wits end. One day not sleeping, the next sleeping too much and struggling to feel enough, the third sleeping on and off ok. Then rinse repeat. The neighbour told me to try Gina Ford. (I know it is not liked by everyone and I have read about the breastfeeding issues but dd was established before using it). Dd loved the routine. I did it to the minute and her sleep / wake was instantly solved. Dd was definitely overtired and needed to be told how to do it. I was clueless and so did I.

Nellisterr · 06/10/2020 08:56

This is potentially linked to a 4 month sleep regression, give it time, I know it's tough but it will get better. With my DS overtired was definitely a thing, he was a nightmare to put down when it was past nap/bedtime. Stay strong, this is a stage and will pass and it will get better. Be as consistent as you can be

GetOffYourHighHorse · 06/10/2020 09:01

Some sleep a lot and are easy babies, some don't. It is pot luck. Books tend to focus on the former so anyone with an easy baby thinks it is the routine that is making their baby settled.

I'd love Gina ford to be presented with a colicky unsleeping baby and see how far 'opening the blinds at 7am' got her.

Scaraffito · 06/10/2020 09:03

I think they are just all different, as has been said. I wouldn't worry about routines or forming bad habits at that age, follow their lead and they might fall into their own routine.

HandfulofDust · 06/10/2020 09:03

There are about a million different factors in how well a baby sleeps, overtiredness is just one of them. Neither of mine actually slept worse from being over tired although other people's seem to.

WhatWouldJKRDo · 06/10/2020 09:09

She doesn’t want the naps you’re trying to get her to have. Why are you doing that, is it the advice of a baby book?

Follow her lead and you’ll have a much easier time of it. If she’s fretful and cranky, put her down for a nap and if she isn’t, let her stay awake. She’ll settle into her own routine eventually.

NB The 4 month growth spurt can mess any existing patterns up. It’s annoying but normal.

Boom45 · 06/10/2020 09:15

I think babies and children can become overtired. I also think some babies and children need way more sleep than others. My first has never slept much, shes 8 now and is usually still awake when I go up to bed at 10ish, she never got over tired. I did, lots of sleepless nights with her. My second needs tonnes of sleep, always has. Now hes 6 he gets really weepy when he is up too late...
Baby books are not helpful if taken as true for all babies. Just like the teeny humans they are babies are all different

Original poster

OnSilverStars · 06/10/2020 09:16

Hi. Thanks for the responses. When I tried putting her down yesterday, it's because she was yawning and getting a little grumpy. However she wasn't that bad. She's an incredibly cheerful baby, which sometimes I worry makes me not notice how tired she is.

I guess I'll just try to get her to nap when I think she needs it, but not stress too much when she won't have it.

At the moment she has white noise, drawn curtains, often falls asleep by herself 🤷🏻‍♀️

OP posts:

Scaraffito · 06/10/2020 09:21

Sounds a good plan OP, and if she self settles that will make life a load easier when she does get herself into some sort of routine!

BrummyMum1 · 06/10/2020 09:54

The parenting books view that all babies need a routine and a set amount of sleep is a load of rubbish in my opinion. Yes it applies to some babies but not all. Both of my children have been very happy with ad hoc naps, as and when they need them. The same way that some adults need more routine and sleep than others.

FryerGal · 24/01/2022 18:01

It definitely varies baby to baby, routines don't work for all unfortunately

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