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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to cut off ten year friendship?

16 replies

Whyme09 · 05/10/2020 15:13

One of my best friends , who I have not seen since lockdown, has just said she won’t see me until next year September because of corona . I’m stumped for words and actually really upset. Haven’t seen her since beginning of lockdown and it’s been really hard as I’ve not really got anyone. It just makes me think what is the actual point? All of this has made me realise how short life is and I want to spend time with those I love , ofcourse safely etc . But really , not even meeting up let’s say in a cafe or park and keeping 6 feet away ?
Aibu to cut think it’s time to go our own ways and that maybe we’re not really as close as I thought we were ?

OP posts:
pepsicolagirl · 05/10/2020 15:27

September 2021 seems incredibly specific?

User4647 · 05/10/2020 15:31

Maybe try messaging her first and explaining how you feel.

Emmmie · 05/10/2020 15:32

I came to Canada all the way from the UK and wanted to meet a friend of 15 years, after my 14 day quarantine of course. She refused to see me.

She explained that she had not left the house at all since March (not even for groceries or walks). I am not angry with her. I think she may developed agoraphobia again. Not too sure what to do from here or how to help her.

Redred2429 · 05/10/2020 15:35

Op she if she is not seeing anyone and feels uncomfortable going to these places I think you have to respect that

katy1213 · 05/10/2020 15:38

Well, when she emerges from her cocoon in September, I wouldn't be rushing to welcome her. Isn't your social diary looking very full until March 2024?

Davespecifico · 05/10/2020 15:39

I think there’s a massive difference between the people who’ve barely left home and those who are working and/or are out and about.
Those who are at hone are also probably watching a lot of tv and news so all they hear about is the virus.
I think it would be incredibly hard for her to decide to see you as her mindset will be so strongly influenced by not having left the house.
Perception of risk is so skewed both for those of us who are working and shopping, and for those who are home.

Mummyoflittledragon · 05/10/2020 15:55

If your friend is seeing noone you’re bu. That would sound as though she is having mental health issues.

bananallamas · 05/10/2020 16:05

I'm sorry if you're struggling but you're making this all about you, "Haven’t seen her since beginning of lockdown and it’s been really hard as I’ve not really got anyone". Have you thought that this isn't actually about you specifically but that she is struggling with anxiety and the thought of meeting people/leaving the house etc?

Like others say, she is BU if she is out at work and going to pubs and cafes etc but refusing to see you. If that is the case then yes I would happily cut you off as she is just finding an excuse not to bother meeting up. But that sounds really unlikely and it is probably that she is refusing to see anyone because she is so worried about the virus. Lots of people with anxiety are not even specifically concerned about becoming ill themselves but are terrified that they might be carrying it and pass it onto other people and then feel responsible for making them ill. If so then try to put your own struggles to one side and see what you can do to support your friend.

Original poster
Whyme09 · 05/10/2020 16:22

Yea of course, shouldn’t be al about me etc and she might have some real anxiety with all this going on which is why I have been supportive etc and tried putting my own feelings to a side . But when we speak she will tell me she’s been out, gone restaurants ,trips away etc . Not said anything as I don’t want to make her feel guilty or anything as only she knows how she feels etc but next September just seems crazy from seeing each other every week . Sorry if I sound whinges sometimes it feels good just to off load if anything x

OP posts:
Original poster
Whyme09 · 05/10/2020 16:27

Thank you . That’s a good point. X

OP posts:
bananallamas · 05/10/2020 16:29

Ok that is weird, who is she going out with to these places? Is it only people she lives with?

Original poster
Whyme09 · 05/10/2020 16:33

Aw that must have been hard .
She does go out and everything which is why i was hurt to be told she wouldn’t be seeing me until September but I suppose I should just have a normal adult conversation with her rather cutting ties without talking it over x

OP posts:
Original poster
Whyme09 · 05/10/2020 16:35

Extended family etc aswell as immediate family . I’m her only friend really

OP posts:
SBTLove · 05/10/2020 16:39

Just ask her, if she’s that close a friend ask what’s her reasoning when she’s clearly not shielding.
Have you been overly clingy, needy and she’s using this as a way to pull back?

Elsewyre · 05/10/2020 18:30

@Whyme09

One of my best friends , who I have not seen since lockdown, has just said she won’t see me until next year September because of corona . I’m stumped for words and actually really upset. Haven’t seen her since beginning of lockdown and it’s been really hard as I’ve not really got anyone. It just makes me think what is the actual point? All of this has made me realise how short life is and I want to spend time with those I love , ofcourse safely etc . But really , not even meeting up let’s say in a cafe or park and keeping 6 feet away ? Aibu to cut think it’s time to go our own ways and that maybe we’re not really as close as I thought we were ?
What good does "cutting her off" do?

I mean just live your life and enjoy the fact that when shes ready you will see each other again.

You're making an issue out of nothing

Charleyhorses · 05/10/2020 18:34

I would just stop contacting her tbh

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