To be annoyed at unreliable friend?

[naadddss34]

Last night friend text asking if I was free today to head for a coffee and a cake this morning.
I was going into town anyway so I said yes sure (she lives around the corner 2 min walk ) so I said il wait and head in together.
Anyway text her at 8.30 am saying morning and what time shall we meet ?
It's nearly 1.30 pm and no reply.
So I've wasted all morning and got nowhere.
This isn't the first time.
She lies in every day and is unreliable unless it benefits her.
A few weeks ago we had lunch booked and she said she had a bad headache (told me 5 mins before due to leave )
Would you be annoyed ?
Why couldn't she just text saying can we do it another time ?
Then I wouldn't have wasted a day for nothing.

And p.s she's been active on Facebook and Instagram so she's still in the land of the living

YANBU, I wouldn't make plans with her again.

Why did you wait for 5 hours ruining your own plans on someone who you say is unreliable and has a lie-in every day indicating she wouldn’t even be out of bed for 8:30? I would have waited until 9 at the latest and then carried on with my own plans.

You’re not unreasonable for being annoyed but it is kind of your own fault as well that your day has been wasted for staying in waiting for her for 5 hours.

You need to care less about feeling you'd be the rude one for just going ahead and doing things you'd planned at the agreed time. People behave like this because they aren't the ones being inconvenienced and other people are too polite to say anything to them about it. Go ahead and go into town and if she gets in touch later just say you assumed she wasn't coming as she hadn't responded and you had stuff to do in town. People like this are infuriating buy stop putting your plans on hold to suit her. She's the rude one, not you for not waiting around all day for her to bother to reply to you.

No, agreed - don’t make arrangements with her again.

YANBU to be annoyed... but I’d be annoyed with myself. You know what she’s like.
Either drop her, or be sensible, “coffee would be great, I’m going to town at 10:00, if that suits you, I’ll meet you at ....”

I know it's my own stupid fault for waiting.
I just didn't want to get into town and her text "where are you" then her get annoyed that I didn't wait.

She's a selfish idiot, who doesn't value you or your time. She treats you like shit because she doesn't think about you..

You deserve better

I have a friend like this. What I do is put a time limit on how long I am prepared to wait. So in this case, I would have waited until about 10am and done some jobs at home in the meantime.

But if you know what she's like, I genuinely don't know why you wouldn't give her a deadline (if only in your own head) and then head off by yourself? Next time, arrange a time in advance so she can't give you grief as she would clearly be the one in the wrong if she was late.

I used to have a friend like this. The final straw was when she asked me to meet her for a meal in town, I booked a paid babysitter, then text her to ask where we were meeting and what time. I sent a further three messages during the evening, all ignored. I sent the sitter home and ordered a takeaway!

Three days later she text me like she hadn't ignored me that night to tell me about her husbands football injury.

We are friends no longer...… if people have no respect for your time, they have no respect for you either.

I have a friend like this. I now say 'I'll be at whatever at time if you're coming. I won't wait so if you're running late you need to let me know as I don't have time to chase you'. After the 2nd time missing out on something she really wanted to do, she got the message. It's true that we teach people how to treat us.

Text her “are you not coming then”

And then when she replies, tell her you have waited and it’s annoyed you. Stand up for yourself

She sounds selfish. But if you want to continue the friendship, you need to stop waiting on her.
Friend "Do you want to have coffee and cake in town?"
You : "Sounds great, I have to be in town anyway and planning to go around 9 and will be there until 11:00. Do you want to meet at a set time or give me a shout when you arrive."

Then carry on with your day. if she doesn't get in touch, it hasn't impacted you.

Although I wouldn't be friends with someone so flakey personally.

She's just text
"I'm really not well today,I wouldn't blank anyone on purpose 😢"

Don't believe her,no matter what you can send someone a two second text

I had a friend like this. For years she unintentionally wore down my self worth by cancelling last minute, being really late to things.

She obviously didn’t think my time was important. It was really disrespectful.

I phased her out, stopped organising things, never getting my hopes up etc.
Lost touch with a good friend but feel so much better for it.

I had a friend like this. We’d arrange to meet with the kids, confirm that morning and then her toddler ‘didn’t want to leave the house’ twenty minutes beforehand and she’d say she didn’t want to force her.

Yet I’d managed to get my own bolshy toddler and newborn ready and was on the way to the park to then stand alone in the cold for a couple of hours.

Anyone can feel socially anxious and overwhelmed at the thought of meeting up, especially with young children, but you have to push on through rather than let people down so close to a meet-up, or at least be honest if you’re struggling.

What you need to do is carry on without her, then post photos on social media of you - maybe with another friend - digging into cake at a new coffee shop or going to lunch somewhere nicer than usual. And if she complains, just say you could have come too, if you'd got your lazy arse out of bed.

I had a friend like this who would arrange things then blow me out on the day, sometimes as I was headed out or a hour before 25% of the time. Then she got worse and it was more often until it was 50:50 if she would turn up. We are no longer friends.

I also have another current friend who regularly cancels at the last minute but we have been friends for much longer so I accept it. But I no longer really feel bad doing the same. I would never normally cancel unless I really had to.

You can do as pp says above and go out. Tell her when you be out and tell her to text you when she is there.

It will grind down your self worth otherwise. I'm pretty sure I was plan B with the first friend. I sometimes feel like that with the other friend but we do regularly meet most weeks during the day. Its evenings out that get flakey so overall I can overlook it. She brings so much to my life. What does your friend bring? If not much, is she worth the drama?

She's just text
"I'm really not well today,I wouldn't blank anyone on purpose 😢"
Don't believe her,no matter what you can send someone a two second text

She’s a cheeky selfish mare and I’d be inclined to reply “If you’re well enough to be active on Facebook and Instagram then you were well enough to let me know earlier!”