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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to quit my job during a pandemic and economic downturn?

31 replies

Waferbiscuit · 05/10/2020 10:34

I am 50 years old and a senior manager in the public sector in a well paid job I've been in for 9 years. It's an interesting role but very demanding, requiring me to be 'on' a lot, working most evenings and on average 60+ hrs/week.

The problem is I don't think I can continue to keep up with the demands.

I am a single parent to 2 DCs (one primary school, one middle school) and don't have any family support close by. I have spent the last 8 years juggling working long hours in a demanding role and parenting and I am frankly burnt out. All I do is work, either at my job or in the home - I have no social life, I am barely spending any time with my children as I am working so much and I am exhausted.

This period WFH has made me realize how stretched I've been for so long. I don't think my employer will allow me to reduce my hours and if they did the work culture would mean long hours nonetheless. Financially I need a job but I have a second flat (previous marital home) that I could sell to tide me over.

I just want a year off to regroup and remind myself of who I was before I became a workbot. Am I crazy to do this at a time of so much economic uncertainty?

OP posts:

ramblingsonthego · 05/10/2020 10:39

It may take a while to sell the flat and get the capital out of it. Could you stick it out while you look for a new job or until the flat is sold and you have the money? At the moment you could end up with no job for a lot longer than you imagine.

Wakemeupwhenthisisover · 05/10/2020 10:41

No way. Life is hard you need to support you and your family. I don’t understand this way of thinking.

Calic0 · 05/10/2020 10:42

Only you can answer that question really.

If it were me, I would stick it out for the time being because we have no idea how things are going to pan out. I’m very risk averse though so...

Crockof · 05/10/2020 10:42

You'd be crazy, having no job and no money is also hard. Look for less demanding jobs in the public sector but I wouldn't leave

Itsabeautifuldayheyhey · 05/10/2020 10:49

Does the job actually require you to put in 60+ hours per week?
Does it need more resources and could someone unemployed be recruited to assist?
Do you do this just because colleagues do?
Do you need to work less but work smarter?
Are there some aspects of your role you do that actually don't need to be done?
Can't you delegate some of the work to others?
Do you not work for an employer with a policy on work/life balance?

If you can, it would be better to make changes rather than quit your job in these uncertain times. If you can't, then put your 2nd property on the market and try not to quit until you have the money from it.

Original poster

Waferbiscuit · 05/10/2020 10:51

Understand what everyone is saying. I know the value of work but equally am no use to anyone is I have a total breakdown.

OP posts:

AHippoNamedBooBooButt · 05/10/2020 10:55

Apply for a new job? Less hours, less responsibility? I think quitting with no back up plan and a mortgage to pay right now is not a good idea tbh, but there are jobs out there so just start applying

movingonup20 · 05/10/2020 10:57

I just did. Very different reasons but I wanted to be with dp all the time not living half way across the country. I am currently (not) writing a job application

TheSoapyFrog · 05/10/2020 11:00

You would be crazy to do that. Finding a job isn't easy. Being without money isn't easy. Getting back into work after a year off isn't easy. I definitely wouldn't leave a job with nothing to go into. Speak about reducing your hours with your boss, see if there are any less demanding roles you could be transferred to.

shropshire11 · 05/10/2020 11:02

A tough situation. Are there steps you can take to lessen the impact of the job on you? Can you delegate more, for example? A lot of very effective people get burned out because they are terrible at passing work to others.

If there's no-one suitable on your team, you could try approaching leadership to explain what's happening and see if there is scope to bring in (or move) people to pick up your slack.

MynamarisBurma · 05/10/2020 11:03

I'm also in public sector and understand your problem.. I also work ridiculous hours although I work compressed over 4 days and TURN MY LAPTOP OFF as I don't work Mondays .. is that a possibility?

The other idea is to take a career break for 12 months as you have caring responsibilities. The one thing PS is good for is family friendly arrangements. I've done 'term time only ' compressed , full time over the years in order to get a balance depending on home responsibilities. Could never take a career break or sabbatical as never had the saving to back it up but sounds like you could afford this ?

2bazookas · 05/10/2020 11:10

From what you describe, you're essential to your employer and I'm quite sure they would struggle to replace you. So use that to your advantage.

Just tell your employer "I am exhausted from overwork , and want to go part time. If that is not possible, with regret I will hand in my notice".

Original poster

Waferbiscuit · 05/10/2020 11:11

Thanks all for your comments. I have explored reduced or compressed hours but because the work I do is often driven by external factors, it is hard to be able to reduce the hours or turn off. Job share may be a possibility.

I feel horribly stuck. I have been committed to work for the last 25 years and worked very hard but working like this while single parenting feels impossible. It's really hard to explain what it's like unless you're in it. Most women my age that I know are working part-time or not at all, but also have the support of a partner.

OP posts:

GetUpAgain · 05/10/2020 11:15

OP you sound amazing, though I totally agree you sound headed for burnout.

I see an awful lot of mediocre men doing half assed efforts at high level jobs. Could you try emulating them? They all get away with it. I don't think you should give up your hard earned job but can you try and coast for a while?

Original poster

Waferbiscuit · 05/10/2020 11:20

@GetUpAgain - you make me laugh! I do have male colleagues, the same age as me, who are totally enabled so far less responsibilities, with a female PA and wife at home --- and they probably do less than me still. That includes my current boss.

Maybe a shift in attitude and coasting is the best way to get by over the next year.

OP posts:

Marisishidinginmyattic · 05/10/2020 11:21

You’ll be a lot closer to a breakdown if you quit your job and have no money coming in. Plus it’ll be much harder when it comes to finding a new job when you do want one again especially if you’ve taken a random year out.

Could you look a for job while you still have a job instead? Maybe one with fewer responsibilities/hours. If you do that maybe knowing you’re leaving and you’ll escape soon would help you avoid burnout too.

leafeater · 05/10/2020 11:23

I think you need to talk to your employer about lessening your hours, maybe even for an initial 3-6 month period. I'm sure they won't want to lose you.

Is there a possibility of a new team member to take some of the load?

Do you have any Employee Assistance programmes you can talk to about your level of stress at the moment?

fizzybootlace · 05/10/2020 11:25

I wouldn't leave your job. You need to either reduce your hours or take your foot off the peddle and slow down. Its virtually impossible for you to lose your job if it's so in demand. And its not so easy taking a step down, as I have unfortunately found. No one understands why you want to do that and mentioning work life balance gets scoffed at. I'd really do all you can to change the current circumstances while looking for a new job or selling your flat.

cucumbber · 05/10/2020 11:26

You are amazing OP. You have a lot on your plate and I completely get where you are coming from.

I echo what previous posters have said about having a conversation with your boss. Don't have it in an apologetic way as you do not owe them an apology. Try and go on along the lines of "In order for xyz to happen / succeed, I need the following resources". If possible get yourself a deputy or someone who can take the pressure off, so that when you are not working you are really not working. It sounds like they can't do without you so use that to your advantage.

If that doesn't work, time to look at a plan B involving lower earnings / less stress but I would try the above first.

Mewli · 05/10/2020 11:43

@Waferbiscuit You are doing a great job. I agree with @GetUpAgain about coasting. Sometimes we need to go a bit easy on ourselves. I am in a similar position. Single parent with corporate job and a primary school kid and another at secondary school. I am knackered and "coasting" as smartly as I can. Popping up when I can and some how still getting the job done and remaining visible. I am focusing on my big ticket items/deliverables and letting the little things slide. I am looking forward to the Christmas holidays. Stay strong. I am literally counting down the months till my youngest goes into secondary.

MynamarisBurma · 05/10/2020 11:51

Can I ask OP when you say Public Sector do you mean Civil Service, Local Gov or Emergency Services/NHS ? Might have some practical advice if CS/NHS ...

Original poster

Waferbiscuit · 05/10/2020 11:54

@Mewli - thanks for the kind words. It was my decision to become a single parent (to leave exDH) but boy is it hard.

@MynamarisBurma - I work in HE. Was a bit vague in my original post. We do have a flexible working policy and support work-life balance, but IME it doesn't often apply to senior staff, in that while they can apply for the usual reduced or compressed hours, they are still expected to do far more than the set hours. It's a bit of an unwritten rule/expectation.

OP posts:

tunnocksreturns2019 · 05/10/2020 12:01

I’m in a similar situation - widowed parent also in HE - I applied for a year career break end last year and started in Sept. I needed it so much and am aware I’m lucky I can afford to take a year out. But obviously not lucky my DH died in his 30s! I’ll be back at work next Sept. If you can afford to do this, consider it seriously.

zaffa · 05/10/2020 12:04

DH took voluntary redundancy in June, at the height of the pandemic. He just couldn't do his job any more, it was much harder to do at home, he didn't enjoy it anymore and i could see the impact it had on him emotionally.
However he did have a plan to retrain as a teacher (lifelong dream apparently) and he had been there a while so the payout was good. It worked out well in that he had three wonderful months at home resetting and regrouping but it was very risky and I wouldn't have been so on board had he not had a plan or options.
Be wise OP - sell the flat or find another job first, you don't want to do something that puts you in a worse position mental health wise.

silentpool · 05/10/2020 12:07

OP, I would not quit right now. See if you can apply for reduced hours, internal transfer or a job share, if you can't succeed in reducing your own workload outright. Financial stress is brutal and won't help your current state of mind. I would try to get through this winter and hopefully the economy will pick up in the spring.

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