Would you leave her to get on with it?

[Afternooninthepark]

I’m at a bit of a loss as to what to do for my 12 year old dd.
She is in year 8.
Just before she started year 7 she met up with several new girls and made some friends. Unfortunately they all ended up in different classes and made their own friendship groups from those classes. Dd made a friend but unfortunately this year they fell out. This girl was very mean to dd and she just doesn’t want to rekindle that friendship again (I was a witness to this girls behaviour so totally understand dd).
At the start of this new year they were all put in new classes and due to Covid they are to stay in these class bubbles for the foreseeable. The only girl she knew was the one she fell out with and she says the others were all friends from the previous year and they have formed their groups.
Basically she’s miserable, she comes home from school each day crying and spends the weekends with me.
She has gone from being happy and bubbly to being really low.
I’ve contacted the school but they are not interested, they (understandably) say they can not move pupils based on friendship groups but when I say she is miserable within their care, they just don’t offer any help.
She does a hobby outside of school but it’s very expensive which I can only afford once a month and there are only a few, younger local girls who go to this group. I really don’t know what else to offer. We live in a small village with few children her age.
So, do I just tell her this is life and to get on with it?
What would you do in this situation?

Keep pushing school to move her - after half term would be fine as kids will be mixing on holidays anyway.

The school needs to put some support in place. It may not be possible to move her, but they could try buddying her up with someone or something. Keep pushing.

Also, it sounds like your dd could possibly do with some help on her social skills. I was painfully shy as a teenager, so have every sympathy with her, but I have learned from watching my dd that it is possible to make new friends with kids who are in established groups - she doesn't need to be limited to the one mean kid who she already knows. Maybe rehearse some strategies with her for approaching other kids?

It's ridiculous to ask the school to move children based on friendship groups. I've never even heard of a school doing this, it would be chaos. I had to lose contact with friends constantly in school with streaming and year changes.

Could you facilitate her old friends coming over at weekends, or arrange some fun activities for her. It's difficult I know, but it's part of growing up. We can't fix everything in our children's lives, and they need to build mental resilience if they are to cope with life.

Could you facilitate her old friends coming over at weekends What's the point of having bubbles within school if people socialise outside the bubble at weekends?

I’ve contacted the school but they are not interested, they (understandably) say they can not move pupils based on friendship groups but when I say she is miserable within their care, they just don’t offer any help.
I would request a meeting (by phone, Zoom, Teams, whatever the school are using) to raise this more formally. It's not about 'moving children based on friendship groups'. A child being miserable displaying low mood, coming home from school crying and lonely is something to pay heed to. Mental and emotional wellbeing has not stopped mattering because of covid. Covid makes responding to it more challenging but does not mean it doesn't matter.

So, do I just tell her this is life and to get on with it?
What, tell her that being sad and lonely is life? Not sure that's going to motivate her to do much of anything really.

I think you need to find her a cheaper hobby that she can attend regularly. The problem for kids this age is that if they have nothing outside of school and school is going badly, it feels like their whole life is ruined. Is there anything she might like to do that you could afford for her to do on a weekly basis, where she might meet like-minded children her own age? If she can't form a friendship group at school, for whatever reason (and many kids don't), she needs another outlet. Schools can do small things to help but they are quite small and often not enough to fill the gap for kids who don't find their 'tribe' at school.

Poor DD. I would encourage her to put herself out there with the girls on her class. It's so difficult to find a way in to established groups but once she finds a few people she clicks with she'll be fine.

They need to be putting some form of support in place to help DD integrate with the other (presumably a couple of dozen?) children in her bubble class. Many schools use a buddy system for helping those who find it difficult to make or keep friends, have you asked about that? You need to insist on a meeting with them that focuses on a range of options rather than just moving her to another group which, as you recognise, is difficult logistically for school to do when they’d have so many different children and friendships to work around.

Can you encourage her to make friends with some of the boys instead?

Contact your school nurse and tell her that this situation is affecting her emotionally and that you want to nip it in the bud before it becomes a mental health issue.
Ask her to help you get her into a class with at least one friend.
And try harder to save so she can do her hobby more frequently.

How would this even work? Kids fall out all the time. It would be constant classroom swapping. I could understand if the entire or majority of the class were outright nasty to her and it was making her miserable but it sounds like she’s upset because she’s not in the same class with the friends she had before. I don’t think schools should have to facilitate that. The one girl who she fell out with can be easily avoided and ignored in a class full of other students, and whilst I wouldn’t put it as bluntly as “well that’s life, so get on with it” it would be sort of what I would be thinking. It’s been a while since I was at school but isn’t next year (9) when they start mixing classes around anyway?

krusty is spot on, the best way to manage this is to make friends outside of school and build up her interests so she isn't relying so much on school, and she has many outlets for friendships and support.
There will be times later in life when they fall out about other things, and this won't stop or change with or without the bubbles.

Breaking into groups is easier if you can identify one or two of the girls that are friendly towards dd, and you invite them over at weekends and holidays and she gradually eases into the group that way. It doesn't always work, but it can often. Invite the whole group where possible, and within the covid guidelines.

It is difficult age anyway, made worse by covid bubbles and the lockdown.

Agree to get her some more cheaper hobbies she can do so she has some highlights to look forward to whilst you try and sort out the school worries.
Is this girl bullying her at all?if so the school should definitely do all they can to facilitate a move for the same of her confidence.
Don't leave her to accept nothing can be done but show her that there are ways of making changes and successfully ending situations which have a negative impact on her mental health.

Sake not same.

There is a temptation for kids to want to be friends with the person who is most popular in the class, but that person already has plenty of friends.

ask your DD who else in the class doesn't have many friends and might like a friend. See if you can invite one of those girls around to 'hang out' at a weekend (my 12 year old tells me that 'hang out' is the word, not 'play date'). They could decorate cupcakes or make pizza together & watch a movie. anything that gives them something in common.

I'd speak to pastoral services to see if they can't integrate her more with the girls already in her bubble. Maybe see if you can't get teachers to swap partners working with each other in lessons etc. They could help her out a bit. Her mental health shouldn't be ignored.

Also agree re cheaper hobby. Maybe look for local groups that meet at a weekend or look at after school clubs run by the school. There's usually something for everyone, sporty or scientist.

Encourage her to make new friends.