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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

His ex.....

10 replies

Dramatica321 · 04/10/2020 18:17

Hello
Not sure if I’m being paranoid but my boyfriend who I have been with for over three years was chilling with me on his phone yesterday and searched for something in safari. I noticed under the recent searches was his ex girlfriends Instagram (he doesn’t have insta so searched via safari). I immediately questioned this as their relationship (also of around 3 years) ended quite badly (long distance) and I was under the impression they hadn’t spoken since.

He got a bit defensive but said that she had been attempting to contact him every few months since the end of their relationship/start of ours (so three years ago) saying he is rude for not replying to her and what’s wrong with him. He never told me any of this when it happened and he said that was because he knew I would be angry. I also asked him if he blocked her once they broke up and he said yes but she tried emailing him on multiple emails including his work one.... that sounds a bit suspicious as surely if someone is pestering you with emails for years, you block them and that’s done. He said he never replied to any.

When questioning him about the Instagram, he said that in a recent message she told him she had coronavirus so he was just checking up on her profile to make sure she was ok. I also call BS to that...

Anyway he was really apologetic and said he would never intentionally do anything to damage our relationship and that he’s with me and he loves me and that is in the past now. He said he would ensure she is blocked from messaging him and that he won’t go on her Instagram again. He found out on her Instagram that she also now has a boyfriend and he’s happy for her.

I do believe him but I feel slightly upset that after all these years and what he said was a toxic relationship, he still feels the need to satisfy his curiosity. I was a bit off with him for most of today but he thinks he’s done nothing wrong. AIBU?

OP posts:
bcccc · 04/10/2020 18:20

He does sound like he's lying tbh. YANBU

UsernameNeverAvailable · 04/10/2020 18:22

Meh, probably just curious and bored one day, I wouldn’t say it’s any reflection on your relationship.

steff13 · 04/10/2020 18:23

I don't think it's that unusual to have a little snoop around an ex's social media. I wouldn't have thought anything of it.

D4rwin · 04/10/2020 18:29

Why after he told yes he'd searched for her were you quizzing him further? He did. That's that. If you don't trust his answers you can leave. But dragging through the minutae is hugely controlling of you.

AmIACowBag · 04/10/2020 21:06

It does not take sherlock to figure out he is lieing does it.

ArtfulScreamer · 04/10/2020 21:11

I'm very happily married but still on occasion have a snoop at my ex husbands Facebook because I'm a massive nosey cow not because I've any secret yearnings or any issues in my marriage but if your spidey senses are tingling theirs obviously a reason for that and I think that's what you need to explore.

Wakemeupwhenthisisover · 04/10/2020 21:17

He sounds like he’s lying. I sometimes look up my ex’s though just out of noseyness- if it was this why wouldn’t he just of said?

ilikebooksandplants · 04/10/2020 21:22

Surely he's just being nosy about what his ex is up to, so had a little insta-stalk? I search for my ex, his partner, ex-work colleagues, friends of friends etc and have a nosy about what they're up to when I am bored. Doesn't everyone?

Does he feel like he can't just say that to you because you'll lose your shit, though? That's what it seems like to me, reading through this. Being a bit 'off' with him seems unfair - either have a proper conversation or catch a grip of yourself.

Sparklesocks · 04/10/2020 21:23

I sometimes have a nose at my exes social media and it doesn’t reflect on how I’m feeling with my DP, but his strange defensive behaviour and reveal that she’s apparently been in touch a lot does seem to be an odd response. It’s possible he’s just embarrassed about being caught looking her up and dug himself a big hole to try and shift focus, but it could be something more.

CrazyToast · 04/10/2020 21:46

I sometimes have a snoop at my ex's facebook just cos I'm nosey. Doesnt have to mean anything.

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