AIBU to drop out of a commitment due to my mental health?

[RosieAnne123]

Hi everyone,

I am part of a drama group, and I am currently in a play. All the rehearsals have been on zoom, and we are filming them (socially distanced) in a few weeks.

I haven't done any drama since secondary school (nearly two decades ago!) and I loved drama at school. I suffer with my mental health and anxiety and depression, and I thought this would be a boost for me.

However, it has been the opposite. I am not enjoying it at all. I dread every rehearsal. I hate it. I don't understand why I am not enjoying something I once loved so much. Perhaps because it is on zoom, so it is not the same. Perhaps because my mental health isn't great, so my confidence isn't good at the moment.

The whole thing just feels like something to endure and I feel so exhausted doing the weekly rehearsals and putting on a smiley act on camera.

I have been feeling so upset today because I want to pull out but it feels like such a crappy thing to do, and the filming is only a few weeks away. I am not sure if they would be able to find a replacement.

I am only in one scene and therefore it literally would be once scene that is cut from the play if needed and it wouldn't affect other scenes. But I would feel so guilty. But also why should I force myself to do something that I am really not enjoying?

I feel like a failure :(

Better to do it now than on the day.

For a future, go with your feelings earlier and make it easier on them AND yourself. It's not a failure. You are not a failure. These things happen.

This is a tough one. If something is making you truly miserable, it makes sense to walk away. However and it’s a big however, letting down your cast members may cause such a feeling of failure that it negatively impacts your mental health even more.

I've done amateur dramatics for years and pretty much always feel like I hate it just before a show because it becomes quite stressful. I imagine being on zoom and not having the same camaraderie makes this worse. I think if you possibly can you should try to grit your teeth and do the part this time then quietly drop it afterwards if you still feel like you want to. I think if you drop out now, the guilt about letting others down might make you feel worse not better.
Good luck with whatever you decide to do

YANBU.
Just drop it. It’s making you more miserable. You need to just focus on yourself now. Since it’s only one scene, they can easily get someone to replace you in a few weeks. Or just add your scene to another characters lines.

As for the whole failure aspect, that is the fault of many MH stereotypes that portray recovery as a consistent one step forward, ever upwards until wow! You’re recovered. It’s a myth. Most MH sufferers will not recover in a gradual one step forward pattern. There will be surges forward and then movement backwards. It’s not a gentle curve upwards, but a zig zag path. You should be proud that you really tried and succeeded in the effort to learn and rehearse. That in itself is an accomplishment, a little win you can celebrate.
To feel a failure...don’t!. Be proud of how far you got this time and take some well earned rest and self care.

Just drop it. The world will still turn but you’ll be happier with one less stress to your life.

Thank you for your replies everyone. I have decided to drop out and I will speak to the director today. What would you say? Would you be honest about not enjoying it/affecting your mental health? It is hard to tell if I am not enjoying BECAUSE of my MH or whether it just isnt for me!

I would simply say that you have a chronic health condition that has flared up and is preventing you from continuing with the part. That obviously, you are very sorry about it, and hope they understand.

As for your question, it is hard to tell. It might be your MN keeping you from enjoying it or the remote/Covid safe way of socialising is causing you to not enjoy it. In the end it doesn’t really matter why, it’s affecting your health and you cannot continue. I would in your shoes not close that door and be open to trying again when you are in a better place mentally and the drama can be done the way it normally was in person.

*MN should be MH

@PlanDeRaccordement

I would simply say that you have a chronic health condition that has flared up and is preventing you from continuing with the part. That obviously, you are very sorry about it, and hope they understand.

As for your question, it is hard to tell. It might be your MN keeping you from enjoying it or the remote/Covid safe way of socialising is causing you to not enjoy it. In the end it doesn’t really matter why, it’s affecting your health and you cannot continue. I would in your shoes not close that door and be open to trying again when you are in a better place mentally and the drama can be done the way it normally was in person.

Thank you, that is a good idea to say that. I feel like they will never offer me a part again, so I need to be willing to accept that. My partner says I should just stick it out because I might regret it. But rehearsals are tonight and all I can think of is the relief of not having to do it!

You know yourself best. If your heart is telling you relief, then you won’t feel regret.
You never know, they might offer you a part again. I honestly would not give any specific information and keep it at “chronic health condition”. That is all they need to know, that you’re being forced to drop out for health reasons. Most people would not hold that against you because it’s not a character flaw or being unreliable to have become unwell. It can happen to anyone at anytime. You read all the time of pop stars cancelling shows and tours due to health reasons. They still get later shows and tours.

Pull out quickly so they can organise a replacement, and stop forcing yourself to do things you hate. It is okay not to like something

Thank you - I sent the message last night, but I quickly turned my phone off and I am too scared to even turn it back on to see the reply!

The reply will be ok, so yes. You can turn your phone on. What else do you think it would be

@SchrodingersImmigrant

The reply will be ok, so yes. You can turn your phone on. What else do you think it would be

I am just scared to see an arsey reply! I feel so bad about it, and I guess I don't want to face hearing the disappointment from the director

Have your partner look at your phone messages for you.
I’m sure the reply will be polite and nice. Any experienced director will have experienced this before and have contingency plan for any one who has to drop out for health reasons. A good friend of mine had a speaking role in Streetcar called Desire but he suddenly developed a bad case of shingles (highly contagious) and had to drop out close to opening day. It was all dealt with smoothly and he still is part of the amateur dramatic troupe and I’ve gone to several plays/musicals where he is in them.