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DD14 has recently stated in Y10.
She has always been a slightly anxious person, but we are now at the stage where she is unable to leave the house, and most of the time her room. In Y8 & Y9 she had days where she felt she couldn’t go in, and she seemed to struggle with self led learning, and with anything unstructured, plus anything where attention was drawn to her was completely off limits.
She used to have “meltdowns” though maybe looking back they were panic attacks, from being quite young, and until about 18 months ago she would become violent towards me when she was in this meltdown - I have been punched, kicked, head butted.
She is a lot taller than me, and was tall from a young age, she went though puberty at 9, and had issues with her kidneys and bladder , all of this led to her being with a consultant for a number of years, and on medication to stay dry in the day and at night.
Lockdown she has been fine, but hardly went out. First few days back at school were fine, and then it’s rapidly gone down hill. Last Sunday nigh she had a panic attack at the thought of going to school and (verbally) lashed out at me. She said she would sooner die than go back to school, or self harm rather than go to school - so no school on Monday. We had much of the same on Monday evening, and I found myself getting very distressed.
I reached out for help, and people have been great. The GP have referred to CAHMS, the school are referring to an early intervention team to work with her, schoo have said quite clearly “ we’ll get her health sorted , and attendance and GCSEs will follow”, the school counsellor has been really great ... and I have had lots of support from other quarters.
I have come to realise is that the issue isn’t really school, it’s leaving the house. I am trying to get her out the house everyday, but it’s hard. I have done a lot if reading and it seems to be that I need to get her to do the thing she us scared off in order to prove there us nothing to be scared of, but she can’t / won’t try. She also won’t talk to me about her fears and just tells me to “go away”
She has private maths and English tutor, and us accessing school work online, she talks to her friends in school most days ... I’m just scared that this situation will never change, that she won’t get her GCSEs and do what she wants to in life (work in science) . I also feel useless, and that the whole situation is my fault.
People keep telling me that this time will pass, but it doesn’t feel like it ... I’m just sat here feeling sick because tomorrow is Monday and she will be missing more school.
If anyone has even through something similar I would appreciate any thoughts / stories / advice
Thanks