Absent Father getting in contact

[Betteb]

Posted in parenting, but got hardly any replies so reposting here for traffic

Not AIBU, more WWYD.
Years ago I became pregnant due to a contraception failure, the dad tried to pressure me into an abortion but I couldn't go through with it. He was very clear that he wanted nothing to do with the baby and I last spoke to him when I was 4 months pregnant. He got married and had another child and grudgingly paid intermittent child support, but apart from that no contact. Fast forward 20 odd years and my son is a lovely young man (apparently a bit too sensitive according to some male family members) and I am always receiving compliments from people who meet him. Unfortunately he has just lost his grandad who was the male figure he was most close to. Last night a woman contacted him via social media claiming to be his 'dads' partner, saying that his dad never stopped talking about him and asking my son if he would be willing to meet him. My son has always said he wouldn't be interested, but now it has actually happened I can see he is curious.
I know this is not about me, but I can't help feeling a little hmm about it. I feel that this woman is rewriting the narrative a little, as I made it very clear at the time that the 'dad' could contact me at any time if he wanted to see his son and we have never heard a peep. Yet she is now claiming that he has been talking about his son constantly for the last 10 years. I am annoyed and pissed off to be honest, but can't show that to my son as I don't want to influence his decision. Sorry for the long post, but I can't talk to anyone IRL as my son as asked me not to.

I wonder if they are thinking that your son has gained an inheritance from the passing of his grandad and are wanting money...hope not.

It utterly shits me, and you see it on posts also from time to time, my partner would like to see his kids........women facilitating lazy, useless, and narrative rewriting men to contact kids they could have tried to contact anytime they wanted. This is another example of that. Ultimately it's his choice (your sons) if he does, yes you have the right to be pissed off, but that's your feelings and your son just needs support- you can vent to friends (and here) I'm sure his dad, if he ever actually bothers to initiate contact himself, will have some great excuses, and with that, I'd be honest, yet try not to be hostile when explaining it to your son.

@Lavanderrose, I doubt they even know about his Grandad as it was very recent.

I agree that he probably hasn't been truthful with the partner as she is being very full on with my son. He has been bombarded with messages from her, which he is pretty much ignoring as he has said he has no interest in playing happy families with them. He has only had 3 messages from his 'dad' none which sound all that enthusiastic, but he is asking to meet which my son has agreed to as he wants to get a feel for him in person. He has asked how I feel about this, obviously I'm not thrilled, but I didn't tell him that, I just said I understood his curiosity, but to be careful.

@Betteb maybe, but you never know what information people can find out from social media etr!

When my ex got back in touch with the kids after years, it coincided with him them trying to get a financial settlement from me. I think he just wanted to judge how he thought I was doing financially. 😢