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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Boys at primary school smearing animal poo on my daughter's coat

41 replies

GimmeShiraz · 04/10/2020 11:06

I would be really grateful for some advice with this, as to how to proceed and what I should expect from the school. This happened on Friday lunchtime; apparently the boys did this as some sort of dare. My DD informed the lunchtime supervisor, who I think mismanaged it, by not escalating to the head or informing DD's teacher/TA, and then getting DD to wash it off herself (with bare hands, communal sink which wasn't disinfected afterwards).

I have emailed head, who will be investigating tomorrow. I was wondering what is reasonable to expect. I am trying to remain objective, but there is something particularly horrible about three boys singling out one girl to do this to. It was bird poo, so could have been worse, but still a Salmonella risk. Thanks for reading!

OP posts:

thinkingaboutLangCleg · 04/10/2020 11:35

How vile, poor DD. I hope the head takes this seriously, not just the individual act itself but the bullying, possibly part of a bullying culture. The supervisor needs training: their actions were wrong and inadequate. I hope DD is feeling all right now.

SmellsLikeFeet · 04/10/2020 11:43

That's vile. The MDS should have brought the boys in with the coat and let the senior members of staff on duty deal with it. Getting your daughter to wash it off with her hands, not on

sst1234 · 04/10/2020 11:48

Yes OP this is bullying and totally not acceptable. The supervisor sounds like a moron and needs taking to task for not dealing with it or reporting it.

user1495884620 · 04/10/2020 11:51

Have you spoken to the class teacher about it or gone straight to the head? It may well be that the lunchtime supervisor has escalated to the class teacher but it is unlikely that they will tell you or your DD what consequences the boys have had.

ColleagueFromMars · 04/10/2020 11:51

At the very least the boys should have washed the coat not the poor girl.

Useruseruserusee · 04/10/2020 11:52

Yes, the midday should have at least told the teacher, who could have escalated according to the behaviour policy of the school.

GreyishDays · 04/10/2020 11:53

What age are they? They would influence my opinion on a punishment.

Mellonsprite · 04/10/2020 12:06

An apology from each child at the very least, and if they’re older ‘something else’ to address how horrible it was, so maybe a page written on transfer germs and illnesses spread from poo?

Readytogogogo · 04/10/2020 12:09

I'm absolutely appalled that your poor dd was essentially punished for being bulli d and told to clean the coat. That is completely unacceptable and you are right to escalate this. What happens to the boys does depend a bit on their age I think.

MsTSwift · 04/10/2020 12:12

I had a teacher visibly upset run up to me at pick up because a boy had spat on dds coat. Seeing how he was I thought something serious had happened like an injury so was relieved tbh. Washed coat boy got roundly told off by school and his parents we all moved on. Not sure what else you think should happen?

Mummyoflittledragon · 04/10/2020 12:15

This is bullying and the school totally mismanaged it. There needs to be a full investigation and the parent need to be informed. Their ages don’t matter. Your dd could have got herself covered whilst trying to wash it off and been laughed at even more. Plus the obvious hygiene aspect. The boys need to apologise and have some kind of age appropriate school sanction. The school won’t inform you of any action they will take but you can at least say you think they should get detention if older or loose golden time if younger. If the coat is damaged, I’d be wanting compensation from the parents for a deliberate act such as this. Their pocket money would do very nicely.

MsTSwift · 04/10/2020 12:17

Some kids are bloody vile though. Heard the boys mother hiss “you absolutely disgust me” to the son so felt it was taken seriously by his parents and the school.

Piwlyfbicsly · 04/10/2020 12:53

It's always best to contact a class teacher first. Midday supervisor doesn't always have the time to concentrate on this kind of incidents, they are on duty to watch every child that is going through the dining hall. While the bird poo smearing is vile, it's hardly a life-threatening situation. She observed your DD washing her coat, which I think is fair enough. Would it be better to go around with a coat smeared in poo? She also probably thought that your DD would mention it to the teacher! Do dinner ladies even have time to arrange a meeting with the teacher?
I wouldn't be cross with a dinner lady, but contact a class teacher and present the situation using the dinner lady like a witness.

Elsewyre · 04/10/2020 12:54

@ColleagueFromMars

At the very least the boys should have washed the coat not the poor girl.

And promptly destroyed it?

Kids are the champions of malicious compliance

AmIACowBag · 04/10/2020 12:56

Having boys go through primary school they've been sent home with worse than this. My son got pissed on once and sent home smelling lime wee with no explanation from school.

AmIACowBag · 04/10/2020 12:56

Like wee

AmIACowBag · 04/10/2020 12:58

One incident is not bullying you lot are being so dramatic. It was bird poo I thought you were going to say human poo. Wash it and move on.

Piwlyfbicsly · 04/10/2020 13:06

@Readytogogogo
So what do you think should've happened?
Carrying poo covered coat around the school? Lunchtime supervisor leaving her post immediately to find a teacher who's having lunch herself so everyone would concentrate on the poo accident right there and then? Unfortunately, that's not the reality of school.
The situation will be certainly addressed. OP's DD didn't mention the incident to the teacher after the lunchtime break. If she did, the situation would be dealt with faster. And I'll repeat myself, midday supervisors got hundreds of children passing through them every day, they can't concentrate on the on an incident like this unless it's a life-threatening situation or a repeated occurrence. Imagine a lunchtime supervisor running to the teacher every single time someone is vile to each other! Sometimes they obviously do report incidents, like in my child's school, a girl tried to poke the other child in the eye with a fork.
Every child is encouraged to tell the teacher or a TA if something happened during the lunchtime, or to tell a parent. OP's daughter shared it with her mother and the situation will be dealt with now.

AltoCation · 04/10/2020 13:06

I would write a calm to the point e mail to your Dds teacher saying that you heard that this happened on Friday lunchtime “on Fri lunch E, F and G did this...and all the details you know” and that you are not happy with it because
A) getting coat deliberately soiled
B) your Dd being told by Xx Name supervisor to clean it herself , with attendant hygiene issues
C) That your Dd was upset to be picked on in this way.

MrsVeryTired · 04/10/2020 13:11

Agree not dealt with well. Definitely chase it up, it's not bullying if it's an isolated incident and children being silly (depending on age). She shouldn't have been asked to deal with it herself, assuming primary school, high school maybe different.

MrsVeryTired · 04/10/2020 13:12

Sorry just re-read and it is primary, what age?

CloudyGladys · 04/10/2020 13:13

I was wondering what is reasonable to expect.

The headteacher (or they may delegate this to a senior teacher) should speak separately to everyone involved (DD, the boys, any witnesses, staff) to find out what happened. They should also establish whether this was a one-off incident or part of a wider pattern of misbehaviour, possibly targeted at DD or happening to other children.

From there, the headteacher will decide on:

How to deal with the member of staff
How to deal with the boys
What measures to put in place to ensure this and similar doesn't happen again.

You should expect this to take at least until Monday afternoon.
You should expect to hear back from the headteacher with an apology, clarification of what happened if there were bits missing from DD's account, that 1 and 2 have been dealt with (not how - those are matters for the member of staff or they boys' parents), and (3) details of what will be put in place going forward.

If you're happy that the incident is dealt with and the measures put in place mean it is unlikely to happen again, then that should be the end of it for you and DD.
If not, then the school will have a complaints procedure that you should follow.

BiggerBoat1 · 04/10/2020 13:15

I'd definitely raise it with the class teacher, but be aware your DD might not be aware of any follow up that took place. The boys could have got consequences that she's not aware of.
I'd also be careful about saying the sink wasn't disinfected. How on earth could you know that?
Hopefully this was taken seriously, but just not fed back effectively. It is certainly a silly and unpleasant thing for these boys to have done.

Readytogogogo · 04/10/2020 13:17

@13:06Piwlyfbicsly

Yikes not sure I deserve to be at the receiving end of that rant! You refer to it as a 'poo accident' - from what OP has said it clearly wasn't an accident.

Original poster

GimmeShiraz · 04/10/2020 15:40

Thanks all for your input and apologies for not getting back sooner. The children are in Year 6, so ages 10-11. I wanted to use the Mumsnet barometer to gauge whether I was being over sensitive, and have deduced that actually, no, I'm not. It's a good point that DD should have reported it herself to her teacher/TA, and I have reiterated this to her. I do understand that the level of attention a lunchtime supervisor can give is limited, but what DD was instructed to do is a hygiene issue. If it had been cat or fox poo being washed down the classroom sink without it being disinfected, there would be hygiene implications for others using it (like the pregnant teacher). It just seems badly thought out. Thank you again.

OP posts:

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