To not be over being bullied at work?

[SnakesOrLadders]

Left last job in jan it was a part time admin job which fit around me studying my MA I was there about 18 months. In that time I was treated like shit by the rest of the team (team of 10 women) I tried so hard was friendly, helpful and supportive to everyone there. It wasn’t enough everything about me was an issue I was constantly criticised both professionally and personally too.
I was criticised for studying as they felt that made me a bad mum (I have young children), moving house (unfair on children) literally everything.
When I graduated and was luckily offered my dream job they upped the ante absolutely vile to me the last few weeks I was there most days I was in tears.
Anyway I left there in jan and now have the most wonderful job with amazing colleagues- it could not be any more perfect for me.
So why am I still thinking about my old colleagues and wondering why they hated me so much- it’s really knocked my confidence.

Having a job where you don’t feel valued or respected, or when colleagues dislike you and you don’t fit in, can wreak havoc on your self esteem. I think your feelings are valid. But as you said, it should be time to move on now that you are so far removed from your previous situation. In time you’ll recover and get your mojo back.

Thank you I hope so

It sounds like they were jealous of or threatened by you. You did incredibly well to stick it out and that shows that you’re strong.

How about some counselling to work through your feelings about what happened? It may help you to leave it behind.

Maybe that would help. Don’t know why it pops in my head now maybe because was so unresolved and I genuinely am intrigued why I was so universally hated there. It was from day one as well.

You’re clearly great at what you do. You’re intelligent, a grafter and a Mum.
You were just different to them and in this position, it’s hard to understand why women behave like that but I know it’s hard to handle.
My experience is anyone who’s confident and good at what they do is seen as a threat and it just takes one person to twist the knife in a group - especially if they’re bored and boring!
If you’re a nice person (and you sound like you are), it can be seen as a weakness by some.
So, I understand why it would stay with you. I’m 16 years on from being ousted for having a child by an utter witch, and I still fantasise about running into her! It’ll probably stay in the background of your life for a while BUT you have your fab new job. Congratulations.
You’ll probably be sensitive in new roles because of it - but get your boundaries up and learn the HR reporting process as your shield. People are sometimes total knobs at work, grasping power freaks or mindless bitches, it’s one or the other in my vast experience.

It's 15 years since I worked somewhere that I was bullied and I still sometimes get shaky when I think about it (although generally I just try not to think about it).

You have my sympathy.

I had this OP. I left two years ago now and I still now think why wasn’t I good enough for you. It totally knocked my confidence and made me doubt myself.

I have a wonderful job now with a supportive manager and a great team and I'm so happy. But every so often I get crippling anxiety that they will all realise I’m a fraud and hate me like my old colleagues did.

I think you need to remind yourself that this was about them not you. You joined a cliquey team and didn’t fit in. Don’t let it upset you too much, there was nothing you could do in their eyes to fit in.

It’s like all these movies we’ve all watched the clique rarely have a valid reason for acting like knobs and I think that’s true in real life. They may be jealous but whatever their reason, they are horrible people.

I’ve decided to start counselling as I’m worried I ruin my new job with my anxiety.

Put them out of your mind. You've got a great new job - they're still stuck in a backwater with nothing to do but bitch at each other. They probably saw you were going places and resented it.

A hostile work environment can be incredibly damaging to someone's mental health, it can even cause PTSD. If it's been more than 6 months since you left and you still find yourself dwelling on what happened there, you could probably do with some counselling to talk it through.

That's horrible, OP.

Imagine if you were one of those bullies. What would somebody have to do to make you treat them the way you were treated? How far would they have to push you? I would bet that nothing could make you treat a person so poorly.

And so, really, it's not about you, is it. It's not about what you did wrong to make them treat you that way. It's about what is wrong with them, that they could treat anybody that way.

Give yourself time to recover, and work on building up your confidence in yourself. Do you really want to allow your self esteem to be governed by such a coven of witches?

You didn't do anything wrong; they certainly did.

It sounds like they were a bunch of jealous bitches and intimidated by you. Well done on completing your studies and landing a new job. It might take a little while to decompress after a horrible experience, but the more time that passes, the more you'll be able to see them for the nasty little people they are.

Thank you all for the messages. I feel I can’t talk about it in real life as my friends and family just say focus on new jobs

Because they're jealous ass holes.
Stings though. Been there. Needless suffering caused to you. Hope you forget soon x

Being bullied at work by a group leaves it's mark; I was bullied in this way over 20 years ago and it still hurts. I have come to a point of scathing judgement on their sorry asses - bunch of dickheads they were - so not quite at calm forgiveness yet! I think because it feels so personal, against you. And yet bizarrely it isn't - take a group of weak people add a toxic dynamic between them - plus an unsuspecting person who happens across this shit heap at the wrong time = nasty bullying mess. Well done for getting out, most of that sorry group won't have and if there's no newcomer they'll soon select a new person from themselves the bully. I kind of pity my bullies, I know at least a couple didn't move on from there - whilst I left and things worked out well for me. I'd much rather be me, than them 😊

Sounds like a very stressful, maybe even traumatic experience. It will take time to move on I think. When thoughts about it pop up, don't get annoyed with yourself or try to block them out. Just try to accept the memories for what they are.

At first you will feel like you're in the moment when you remember, maybe imagining if you had said something different etc. Eventually your emotions will change when the thoughts come up. You might just start feeling a bit sad about it etc. And then in time, not really feel much about it at all.

Congrats on your qualification and dream job. You have left those tossers in the dust behind you as you rode off in to the sunset 😎💗

Well done OP they are tosser-losers!

Thank you all :)
In complete contrast today I had a colleague and a boss reach out to me to tell me how much difference I had made to the team - I need to focus on this new start and let go of the past ghost.
I will never be able to change the opinion of the old office but maybe just maybe it doesn’t matter anyway:)
Thanks lovely people

*ghosts