To think friendships are an important factor in school choice?

[Griseldathedeep]

DD will go to secondary school next year - she has previously struggled with school and friendships in particular, and has had to change schools during primary (not due to friendships). She's now at the stage where she has a lovely group of friends at current school. We're choosing between two schools - one better on paper, better ofsted etc, but one closer and where all her friends will likely be going.

I've read on MN many times that friends shouldn't be a main deciding factor, but AIBU to think this can have a huge impact on happiness (especially when starting at a new and unfamiliar place)? I had good friends when I started secondary and, although I also made new ones, it gave me confidence to know they were there.

People say kids always swap friends when they go to secondary but I remember people from my primary keeping their main friends... and making new ones. Perhaps this is unusual or maybe it depends on the area?

I wish I knew! We are really struggling with this decision at the moment. 7 schools to choose from! Her friends are scattering although quite a few will end up at the closest school which two years ago was in special measures and had a progress 8 score in the bottom 10% of the country (so the head told us at the virtual open day) but is now average. Other options vary from average to very selective private.

Dd doesn’t know either.

I would think like this but I went to a secondary school based on my best friends going there.

We were put in opposite halves of the year group, had totally different timetables and never saw each other so drifted apart. All my friends were new. How big is the school? Could this be a possibility? Mine was 1200 total no sixth form so big.

@Mumoftwoyoungkids sorry you’re going through this too! It’s a really hard decision.

@sherbetlemony the local school is relatively small and does take friendships into account so hopefully not...

As well as friends, I’d also consider what the year group are like as a whole. My two went to the local primary, in a deprived area, and although there were of course lots of lovely families there, on the whole the behaviour of each year group started to break down a bit in Year 4 due to the ‘rougher’ children starting to become unmanageable for all but the very strictest teachers. 99% of each year group goes up to the local secondary school. Therefore the behaviour at the local secondary, while it may be good for all I know when the kids are in school, when they are going to and from school it’s appalling. So my two have both gone to the next nearest school, which doesn’t have the same issues as the closest one. They both found friends very quickly and seem to have made deeper friendships than they had at primary.

There will be plenty of times in life where she’ll have to go to unknown places where she’ll know no one e.g. university, any new job. I went to a secondary school knowing only one person and we didn’t even end up as friends.

@AnoDeLosMuertos yes that’s a good point - I think maybe the fact that she’s already changed schools affects our view. It was a huge upheaval and she’s only just got settled with her friends now...