To not want to work more than I do?>

[massivebigpumpkinface]

because I keep feeling guilty that I am not.

just over 2m ago I went back to work 2 days a week after mat leave and dh was working full time 45hrs a week.

Not long after, dh was signed off work with depression and has been ever since, but now he has actually been laid off.

Things are tight, really tight, but we are somehow managing, just living one day to the next really.

The thing is dh really isn't ready to go back to work, in fact I feel that him doing so could perhaps undo all the good progress he has made so far.
So people keep saying to me can't I do more hours at work for amonth or two? This wouldn't be possible with my current job but I could always look for a second part time job to make up the hours whilst dh is at home with dd - I feel like I should.

But I really don't want to.
I want to stay at home with dd, like I had planned. I want to spend this precious time with her, its going so fast!

Dh and I have always worked hard, fortunately never had the need to claim benefits but now he is on incapacity benefit and our mortgage is covered by the insurance we took out. But I just feel like people are thinking we, or I am idle by not making the effort to help make ends meet.

Am I being unreasonable?

i feel so shit right now, think it is just everything.
god i suppose you are right, an extra few hours a week won't make any difference (i am NOT lazing around on my backside btw)

off to look at the jobs...

I would enjoy the time with your family, you are doing just fine providing for your family and supporting them

no you are not being unreasonable not to want to work more. I don't want to work 4 days a week but I do because ultimtely its the best thing for my family. It will come down to two things:

• just how hard up are you and how close to virtual bankrptcy will you be when one of you goes back to work full time;
• how bad does your DH feel about being hard up because he can;t work and will he feel better or worse if you increase your hours.

For what its worth, I've been made redundant twice and for reasons entirely my own was off for a year the first time. It was bloody terrifying going back to work, being laid off really knocks your confidence. I'd encourage your DH to do some voluntary work - it will ease him back to work and build his confidence up with less pressure.

How about an evening job - waitressing, bar work etc. You could do this while your dd is asleep, so not too much pressure on your dh. Who could probably do breakfasts while you get a lie in.

You wouldn't miss out on too much time with your daughter or leave your dh to do the brunt of childcare.

Alternatively take in some ironing, again you could do this in the eveining or while dd naps.

thank you both

I know Kewcumber, you are right re:
'no you are not being unreasonable not to want to work more. I don't want to work 4 days a week but I do because ultimtely its the best thing for my family.'

perhaps I have been putting it off, hoping that dh will be ready to go back sooner rather than later.
I don't want it to get to the stage where we have exhausted all our stand-by finances and really can't manage. There is always the chance that it may take longer to get back to normal than we thought.

If I do something extra now then, if anything, it will buy a bit more time.

Its just been such a fucking shit few months to be honest and in some ways I am pretending everything is normal and just dandy, the way I had planned things - being with dd and all.

I will look for something asap.

I realise that some of you are out there working your arses off for your families and to keep a roof over your heads - I hope I haven't come across as flippant and pathetic.
When my sister and I were little my mum always did loads of little jobs around my dads hours because I guess that way she could still be there for us in the day.

no no no we are on your side

whatever you and dh decide to do bear in mind it is only temporary until he gets better

dont worry x

thank you newgirl i know you are, thats what mn is about for me.

I think I do need to remind myself that it is only temporary and I don't know why I am making such a fuss anyway as I had been thinking about increasing my hours a little when the opportunity comes up at work next April.

it is all a worry for you though, not surprisingly.
don't feel guilty, and after all 8 months is a lovely age (imo)
if 2 days looking after lo is all your dh can manage for the moment,then so be it.
there is always betawere, coming up to christmas quite a good time. and temporary bar work, same

No I don't think you are being at all flippant and you do need to think carefully about what is best for you and your family. Some of the suggestions about getting a little extra money in eg ironing may be a small start. But don't forget... men can iron too you know

I haven't read all the posts - only yours. I think you sound really supportive to your dh and actually need a pat on the back for that.

Don't worry what anyone else thinks - your dd will only be a baby once.