To be worrying about DS’s behaviour/development?

[PolarBearStrength]

DS recently turned 2. He’s pretty bright as far as I can tell (speaks in full (mostly coherent) sentences, can count to 13 and has started actually counting objects, has an excellent memory etc.) but his behaviour worries me a bit.

He was quite late to walk (almost 17 months) and is incredibly clumsy. He’s always covered in scrapes and bruises and he crashes into things or falls over all the time. He can run, and kick a ball, but he’s nowhere near being able to jump. He’s terrified of heights and won’t go on slides or other playground equipment if it’s more than about a foot off the ground. I helped him onto a (very low) climbing frame the other day and he just sat down because he was too scared to move. We are pretty relaxed about risk so it’s not like he’s getting fear from me and DH about being careful at the park or anything!

His tantrums are becoming increasingly problematic too. He is unbelievably strong willed. He finds transitioning from activity to activity really distressing and everything I ask him to do is met with ‘no’ and a meltdown. He deliberately headbutts tables/walls/the floor when angry (or overexcited!) and then gets more worked up and upset because ‘I bumped my head’.

Part of me thinks he’s just a clumsy kid who has found his voice and is testing the boundaries. But part of me is worried about ASD/ADHD/dyspraxia..? I don’t know what tbh. He just seems like such a handful compared to other toddlers.

I don't think it's anything to worry about now. My nephew didn't walk til his 2nd birthday . Hes only putting small sentences together now 3 months later and hes still unsteady. I've worked with some very clumsy babies and toddlers and most of the time its fine eventually, the rest of the time they just grow up to be clumsy people. We all know some

I wouldn't worry yet about any problems op. Enjoy him Try not to compare him to other toddlers too,at this stage hes still just doing things at his own pace.

Hmmm, nothing there jumps out at me as hugely abnormal if I'm honest. I think a lot of kids are a handful at that age. And some of the stuff he can do is really quite advanced, like the counting.

Sounds fairly standard for a two year old, especially the tantrums.
Is he in nursery and if so what do they say?
I also wonder if he missed out a bit on playground equipment when they were shut during lockdown? Sometimes things take a bit of getting used to.

Being clumsy and falling over a lot at 2 is normal, especially if he's not been walking too long and that in itself wouldn't worry me. I also think speech is often late with add so would suggest he doesn't really fit the criteria yet.

Tantrums unfortunately are normal and some children are worse than others. I have three kids and they all were different at terrible twos.

I also wonder if he missed out a bit on playground equipment when they were shut during lockdown?

Good point.

@domesticslattern Nursery seem to get a different child or at least don’t mention any issues! Handovers are pretty quick at the moment but I do feel like they’d mention any big problems. They have mentioned that he’s ‘very independent’ but not necessarily in a negative way.

You might be right about playgrounds. We don’t live in walking distance of a park (quite rural) so it’s not something we do loads.

Sounds exactly like my DD at that age (also a very late walker and scared of playground equipment). She's now three and a half and fine. She's still a bit reluctant on playground equipment and clumsy (as am I) but it wasn't a sign of a larger problem - she's just unlikely to become a sports star.

The tantrums are standard-issue two year old I think.

My son didn't walk until 19 months, had terrible tantrums at 2 and couldn't say more than a few works until 2 and a quarter.

He is now year 1 and ahead with reading, where he should be with maths. I really wouldn't worry.

As for the park, he just hasn't got into climbing yet.

All sounds pretty normal to me too.

My eldest was similar at that age. She's 3 now and has a lot more confidence on things in the playground. Now she's figured out jumping, she just doesn't stop. Still very clumsy though. Behaviour wise we are finding her worse now than when she was 2. Most go through similar stages, it's hard but it's not forever.

For transitions - try giving advance notice - eg, two more times down the slide, then it's hometime. Nobody likes to stop doing something fun, but it helps to know in advance that the activity is about to stop. At this age, they don't really understand time, but with repetition, they'll learn that 5 minutes means "soon".

Have a look at the MChat-R test online and see what the score is.

For his balance and co-ordination, can you self-refer to a paediatric OT in your area, they can advise on exercises to help both fine and gross motor co-ordination.

Tantrums stop when the child gets what they want, meltdowns are often caused by being overwhelmed and have to run their course.

This booklet is very useful for behaviour, www.falkirk.gov.uk/services/social-care/disabilities/docs/young-people/Making%20Sense%20of%20Sensory%20Behaviour.pdf?

Children develop different skills at different rates at different times. Not all at once. Maybe stop pressuring him to climb when he shows no interest. When he’s ready he will. Tantrums are hard at this age. Maybe do someone reading about how too help a child during a tantrum. They are a normal and essential part of a toddlers development. It’s your job to help him navigate them and keep him safe. Ie physically intervene to prevent the head butting. All sounds like very normal behaviour and development to me

All sounds very normal to me.

Part of this sounds very similar to my son. Early talker- spoke in sentences at 18m but his coordination is so poor. He went through a stage of being incredibly cautious...wouldn't go down a slide or climb on anything. Hes still very risk adverse (nearly 4) but much more willing to climb and try out more playground things than he was. O brought up dyspraxia at his 2 year review but health visitor wasnt concerned. I'm fairly certain than I'm dyspraxic and he is too but it hasn't particularly held me back and I'm just going to wait until he is in school to see if it is noticed then.

Those of you saying full sentences what do you mean by that? Mummy water please, or mummy may I please have a cup of water?

Thing is OP as above lots of this is open to parental subjectivity, DS uses phrases such as the first example but I wouldn't describe him as having full sentences, maybe I'm pedantic. Some might also say he climbs the larger play equipment at the park - he does but with an adult right behind him and a leg up or a handhold on the tricky bits. My DS can say 1-10 by rote learning, I don't think he can count because if I put different numbers of objects in front of him he can't reliably tell me how many are there, other people say to me oh isn't he bright he can count already (not 2 until December). So comparing your DS to what other people describe is incredibly difficult because some will be at my end of the spectrum and others will be at the other eg 'Johnny has a wonderful appreciation of art' because he once sneezed while looking at a painting.
Speak to his nursery, they know him.
Oh and fwiw DS does the bumping his head on things on occasion if he's really tired and having a tantrum/not getting his own way and so does my DN who's a few months older

Sounds like a 2 year old to me. Being scared of play equipment is pretty sensible when you think about it. My eldest was literally fearless and physically very competent. Youngest one would cling to me. Didn't like the swing etc. Changed when she was nearer 3.

All sounds totally normal for a child of that age to me OP, try not to worry :)

@KarlKennedysDurianFruit

‘My ball is rolling down the hill’
‘That’s not a whale shark, it’s a great white shark’
‘I want to watch Bob the Builder please’
Etc.

@Jent13c

He sounds very similar! Pleased to hear he’s doing well. A colleague recently suggested that I probably have dyspraxia and it makes a lot of sense so it’s entirely possible he might.

@Jent13c

I'm just going to wait until he is in school to see if it is noticed then

Please don't wait for school to raise any issues. If you have any concerns, you're best to start the ball rolling yourself. Schools vary so much in their ability to "see" children who are struggling with something, particularly if their academic achievement is on target or average.

All sounds very familiar and normal. Honestly my DD was very similar and is thriving now. I wish I hadn’t worried!

The thing is it's just so hard to say at this age. There are a few warning signs for slightly non neurotypical development but at this age what you're describing could also just be uneven development that will soon even out.

He sounds a bit like my eldest at that age. We had concerns about asd and even had him assessed at 5 years old. He came out in the assessment as having a very high iq and she did notice 'asynchronous development' in that his intellectual development was certainly far above his emotional and social development.

Fast forward 3 years da is still somewhat quirky, he's exceptionally good at maths. Very good but unexceptional at English and still somewhat clumsy and awkward physically. Not to a ridiculous degree he can swim, ride a bike etc but is definitely picked last for football. He is happy in school though and loves playing with friends.

Obviously I have no idea if it'll be the same for yours as he gets older but he sounds very similar.

I don’t think your wrong to be concerned but the reality is that most likely none of what you say would warrant a referral at the moment as it’s not enough.

Equally it could be normal toddler behaviour.

I would flag your concerns to the health visitor or GP and keep doing what you’re doing ie observing his behaviour.

My eldest is on the ASD Diagnosis pathway at 3.5 yrs old and what I would say is listen to your gut instinct. You’re his mum and you’ll know him better than anyone.

None of what you say screams ASD to me, other than the transitions but that could be normal tantrummimh. Dyspraxia maybe but they don’t diagnose that till 4/5 at the earliest.

Has he had his eyesight checked? Just a random thought that could be way he’s not confident in the playground.