To think I'm just a dickhead?

[BreathlessCommotion]

There are other threads about my marriage. But I've spent this evening and last Friday evening, drinking via zoom with work colleagues. Because I like, because my husband is dull. Because I miss my old life before kids.

I know I can't undo them. God I miss going out, dancing. Being me. So now I'm drunk, dancing to the prodigy (on headphones) while he is in bed.

There is no real alternative for my life, but I miss fun.

We all need age and mature at some point. When you are 80 would you still want to be out drinking or would you want to see an output from life? It’s one night a week you are letting your hair down at the mo so I’m sure that’s fine and actually good for you but wishing away your marriage and kids and saying you miss doing it more often is then like saying you want the single life and to party every night. Partying every night not a sustainable lifestyle.

There’s always an alternative. Maybe Covid has put the brakes on. But use this time to plan what’s next.
Do not settle.

You are confusing quite a lot of issues here - I haven't read your previous threads, so only basing on this post.

Covid has put a temporary stop to many things anyway obviously.

Having kids never meant you had to give out everything. Partying every night is unreasonable, but going out from time to time, dancing, what's wrong with that? You just need a babysitter of some kind, family member or friend, or just pay one.

Your husband is dull. Is he really? Was he dull when you met but you still decided to marry him? Or has he slow down because he's tired, works and has kids?

Life is far too short to wish it away. Pandemic aside, you just need to figure out how to make the most of it. Your kids (and possibly your husband) deserve a lot better than being a source of regret and resentment.

Yes, there are other threads about your marriage. Your post today makes it seem like nothing and this is actually about a lot more than 'missing fun'.

Is home ownership and having a dog really that important that you're willing to live like this forever? Your DH has been told by an outside agency that he is an abusive man yet you continue to let him be a full time part of your children's lives. You've already been told (and agreed) that you are harming your children by not leaving.

Why the fuck are you still in this marriage?

@ViciousJackdaw

Yes, there are other threads about your marriage. Your post today makes it seem like nothing and this is actually about a lot more than 'missing fun'.

Is home ownership and having a dog really that important that you're willing to live like this forever? Your DH has been told by an outside agency that he is an abusive man yet you continue to let him be a full time part of your children's lives. You've already been told (and agreed) that you are harming your children by not leaving.

Why the fuck are you still in this marriage?

Are you being serious?

I've not seen the other threads but this does seem like more than "missing fun" Have you considered you may be depressed!

*sorry i didn't check before I pressed send, that was meant to be a question mark😅

@Leaannb I can't tell if you are asking in a McEnroe-esque way or an 'is this factual?' way but yes, I am being serious.

[quote ViciousJackdaw]@Leaannb I can't tell if you are asking in a McEnroe-esque way or an 'is this factual?' way but yes, I am being serious.[/quote]
I was honestly being in a factual way. No snark intended. I can't honestly believe that an outside agency has told OP that her husband is abusive and she is with them because she wants a house and a dog...Houses are not worth years of abuse and the damage done to children

A charity for the perpetrators of domestic abuse confirmed that the way he had treated me was emotional abuse. I haven't stayed for the house and the dog, I stayed initially because of lockdown meant I couldn't rent anywhere. Its difficult because he has changed his behaviour. It's all very well saying forget the dog, but I'm pretty sure the kids won't see it that way. My 8 yr old still becomes inconsolable with tears over a cat we had that went missing 3 years ago. Dh won't move out though, it's not an option. If I want out I will have to leave.

Yes he's always be dull and controlling. I wasn't allowed to go out for so long. But I knew what I was marrying, sort of.

You're not a dickhead OP. You just sound lonely and nostalgic. How are things with your DP?

I knew what I was marrying, sort of.

What does this mean?

Things are OK with dh. His behaviour has changed a lot. But I often feel that it's in order to keep me. I wish I'd had the nerve to go when I was ready. But then bastard lockdown happened.

There are no houses near us to rent, that are the right size or price. He will not leave this house. We could sell the house and split what's left, but it won't be much and would likely leave the children without any stable home as we would both have to rent.

A friend says I'm just unhappy in general and marriages can't be wonderful all the time.

I wish I had more money and then I could just go.

I suppose I could tell him about the affair. That would end things pretty swiftly. But I think he could turn quite nasty. And the dc would probably always blame me

Sounds like you should get some legal advice and research your situation, perhaps with some counselling.