School Uniform

[thislittlepiggy123]

What are people's thoughts on school uniform? My ex currently has DD 2 nights per week (sometimes falls on week day, sometimes weekend). He pays me maintenance through CSA (his decision to go to them, not me).

He is refusing to purchase any school uniform for when DD is at his, and insists I need to send her with some. My issue is that he is forever losing her uniform and will not replace it, meaning I then have to go out and buy new items.

AIBU if I say that he must now buy his own set? He doesn't contribute towards school trips or any other large costs. Thanks

What a cheeky sod. Don’t send them and let the school know what is up. Her uniform doesn’t come for free. And if you’re always picking up the bill then it will go on and on. You need to draw a line under this.

If he loses it, he replaces it.

I don’t really know much about how CSA works but, depends how much you get I suppose. If what you get is sufficient to provide your DD with everything she needs, then fair enough, but if not, he should contribute to the uniform.

Regardless though, if he loses something, he should stump up the cash to replace it.

Tell him you will supply the 1st set of uniform. But he must replace what he loses.

My understanding is that csa go by how many over nights child stays at the other parents home.
So that is calculated into how much the csa is, so more nights he has the less you get.
So he should pay for food,clothes etc for when child is at his.

How old is your child?

@Castiel07 Yes I think that's right. He doubled the amount of nights he had DD then went to the CSA so that he could pay less.

@Leaannb DD is 9.

Who suffers through not having the right clothes for school though?

I think your DD needs to take some responsibility for ensuring it doesn’t get lost! Get her in the habit of removing it as soon as she gets home and putting it away correctly and explain when at dads she does the same and puts it in her bag?

But anything that doesn’t come back insist on it being dropped off rather than you doing any running about for it and if it’s missing he needs to replace it?

@Newnamenewopenme DD doesn't lose anything at home but it seems to go in to a black hole at her Dad's and then it's 'my problem apparently'

Are you sure it’s him that’s losing things and not your dd leaving them at school? The amount of stuff children lose at school is ridiculous.

Whether he is fair to buy uniform or not depends on the amount of maintenance he pays IMO. Sometimes even paying the minimum can be a substantial amount if they earn a lot.

If you do this, he will lose items. Then you’ll have to do it again when your dd grows and secondary uniform is very expensive. And what about PE kit? You could offer to do a set day on a Saturday night or something seeing as it’s all too hard for the sweet petal. 🙄

If she isn't losing stuff at yours then the loss is on her dad and he should cover it. It really ought to be simply that when she's at his, he provides and when she's with you, you do.

I think your DD needs to take some responsibility for ensuring it doesn’t get lost!

I agree with this. Clearly it's her dad's fault but she is old enough now to recognise that he's useless at this and do things to prevent it. Sit her down and explain to her that you can't afford to replace her uniform and that she needs to take it off at dads and put it straight in her bag ready for the next day. Tell her not to put it in his wash bag or it gets lost. At 9 I assume she isn't getting it dirty every day?

And no I would provide him with uniform but I would prepare DD to understand that if it gets lost you won't replace it so she needs to look after it and otherwise will be going to school in no uniform that day.

If he's a bit feckless then she probably knows that and needs to learn it soon enough anyway.

*wouldn't!

And I know people will come on and say that the daughter shouldn't have to have extra stress because of her useless dad, in a ideal world she shouldn't, but this is the world she lives in and 9 is not too young to take responsibility for this

Presumably the OP doesn't want her daughter taking after the disorganised dad.

God I really feel the same way.

Maintenance is based on the number of days you and they have them, whether CSA or not, unless you’ve specifically agreed otherwise. If you have the kids 6 or 7/10 weekdays (say) you’d expect to maybe buy two sets of uniform to his one - I realise that can never be an exact science!

Then ok the uniform will swap houses but you should each continue to have the same amount, as each time dd goes in a set she comes back in or with a set.

I have this shit with exh who won’t buy any uniform for Ds (6) and just finds ways to keep what I have bought. Dreams up completely nonsensical arguments if challenged. There’s no winning with people like this I find - he’d rather send ds to school in too small stuff that buy new

I just re read the thread - DD isn't 9 She's 6 (I blame it on tiredness!) so she does need to be supervised with keeping her uniform in one place etc. But she doesn't lose it at home, only at her Dad's. I think it's his attitude to it being lost is what frustrates me. I don't have much spare cash! She came home with one trainer on a few weeks back and he refused to replace them so I had to go out and buy her more.