To wonder why I feel so guilty after asserting myself?

[Rhine]

A situation arose in work today where I really had to assert myself, say that I wasn’t happy with something and firmly say ‘no’. The person was offhand to the point of rudeness but eventually had to back down, so I know I’ve done the right thing. However after being a people pleaser all my life I now feel so bloody guilty, even though I’ve done nothing wrong.

It’s such a weird feeling. I don’t know why?

Has anyone else experienced this?

Yes all the time.
I also feel guilty if I “win” an argument. I feel sorry for the person (not that I’m aggressive, I don’t think).

What happened?

Just lack of practice.

Well done, OP. Keep practicing, it'll get better!

Good Job OP. You feel guilty because women are trained from birth to be people pleasers. Well done for breaking the chains

you are a woman and traditionally not aloud to speak up for yourself, so now you have you feel bad about it, but you've done a good thing and try not to over think it.

*allowed

Yes. Very uncomfortable feeling.

Yes.

You have to tell yourself that you are just as important as the other person.

I feel like this. Someone drove into the back of me on Wednesday and wanted to deal with it without insurance. I agreed but then she kept going on about checking her dashcam footage and intended to send it to some unknown garage for a bloke she knows to sort it. In the end I've said it's my choice of garage or I want her insurance details. Felt really bad because it'll really increase her premium even though she's trying to railroad me!

I do this all the time.

In fact the other day I said no to an unreasonable work request then felt bad so went back and said yes - massively inconveniencing myself in the process. I really let myself down!

You are not alone! I have done this with work and family. Always over analyse after....no idea why when it seems others can just do it! Keep the faith!

Aww. Don't worry. You will run out of fucks eventually 👍

@romeolovedjulliet

you are a woman and traditionally not aloud to speak up for yourself, so now you have you feel bad about it, but you've done a good thing and try not to over think it.

I was never heard as a child and never allowed to have my opinions, where as my brother was very opinionated and this was accepted. So this makes total sense to me.