To say it’s not that easy to just switch off from work?

[QueenofmyPrinces]

I’m currently off sick due to a decline in my health mostly likely to have been triggered by the fact I was under a lot of stress at work at the time - think not being able to sleep, random bouts of crying about work etc etc.

I’m due to go back on Monday and last week I went to see my Manager about me returning and within 15 minutes of being there I felt my stress levels begin to rise again and I am absolutely dreading going back.

I’m being monitored by occupational health and my Consultant but I am so scared that if I go back to the exact same stressful environment I left, then my health is just going to decline again.

I have been talking to my mom about it a lot and she said that I just have to switch off during work and then completely forget about work when I get home. She said that doing so means work won’t stress me out - but it’s not that simple is it?

The particular thing I’m stressed about is not something that is going to go away so I just don’t see how I can just forget about it as easily as my mom is telling me to. It’s something I have got to face every day that I work (it isn’t related to a member of staff) so I can’t escape it.

I just don’t know what to do.

Aside from leaving my job, which I can’t afford to do, I’m just going to have to get on with it aren’t I? And if my health suffers again then there’s not much I can do.

I wish I could switch off and not let work stress get to me but I just don’t know how to do it.

Has anyone else found it as easy as my mom tells me it is? If so, any tips greatly welcomed.

That sounds very difficult, OP.

And no, it's not that straightforward. I am a person who is, generally, able to impose pretty firm boundaries between work life and real life, but I'm finding that those boundaries are increasingly hazy in these times, and that, therefore, stress levels are increasing.

Is there any scope to change the job at all, to minimise the bit that you find particularly stressful? If the thing that is causing you stress is a large component of the job, and inescapable, then you may have to consider trying to find other work. I know that that's easier said than done too, but you may find it helps just to know that you're working on an escape plan.

Good luck.

I think you need to be more specific about what the issue is for more detailed advice. It's not a person, is it technology? Workplace area?

I've been signed off work twice with stress. You have to do something while you're off to help you learn to manage stress, otherwise you go back and it's the same or worse than before.

I did pretty intensive CBT and had lots of coping techniques when I went back after the second time off. I have been ok since.

I spent a few years in a job where I was working with vulnerable people and it was so important to have firm barriers between work and home. Otherwise people burn out very quickly. What I would say is every time thoughts of work intrude, push them out. Sometimes you have to make a conscious decision to not give headspace to your worries. It isn’t easy but I do believe it’s something people can learn. If it helps to distract yourself with music or a book, or whatever works for you, use that. But be firm with yourself and say no I won’t think about this and you find with time it gets easier.

You need to find a new job. If the actual nature of what you do is stressful, you have to accept it is not the job for you and move elsewhere.

I had a job that was very stressful and impossible to switch off from. After two years, I had to leave and find something else.

I would definitely investigate some CBT to help with coping techniques. More often than not, occupational health are there to look after you and advise the business.
Has your line manager offered any reasonable adjustments to help with your return?

It’s such an easy answer to give. But so hard to actually achieve. I think some people honestly just fine it easier to not worry about work. - They are usually the ones saying don’t worry, switch off.
I agree with other posters, if you can maybe a change of employer may help. It did for me. The only other piece of advice is to find a mantra to chant in your head - for me it is “no one died that’s makes it a good day”. It’s a bit of say and fake it until you believe it.

The issues is an aspect of the job that I believe is done really poorly to the point where it genuinely concerns me, and although it’s not my job to ‘fix it’, in some ways it feel like I’m expected to because it’s my area of expertise.

I would love to improve and change things but I’m not in a senior enough position to do so, I’m working against people who don’t see a problem with what’s happening and who aren’t trained to improve the service. I feel like I’m constantly banging my head against a brick wall and the stress just builds and builds. I have spoken to management and they know how I feel but their hands are tied by their own seniors.

I have to just accept that things aren’t getting better and that I don’t have the power to make them better......but how do I stop myself from feeling so angry and frustrated about it?

It’s awful. The area of work that needs improving is something I’m really passionate about so I find it so, so hard to see it not being done correctly and the knock on effects of that.

I’m probably sounding vague but if I went in to too much detail I worry it would be too identifying.

I just don’t know how to stop caring and to accept things for what they are.

YANBU. It's a sad fact that many jobs today make us feel stressed outside of work hours.

It's a hideous feeling and I've been there plenty myself. I really feel for you OP, am sending you strength and courage to get through this.

What helps me to put things in perspective is that if I died tomorrow, the business would barely flinch. So why should I worry about it?

What's the worst that could happen? You lose your job. You can get another. You can re-structure your finances.

No job is worth compromising your health

I don't think there's a magic wand and I'm really sorry to hear you're feeling this way.

It doesn't sound like it's in your power to change things so I'd be thinking about an exit plan if you can (easier said than done with the current job market, I know)

Can you create some separation between work and the rest of your life? E.g. go for a walk before and after work, listen to some music and try and get into a different head space. Or listen to the head space app, meditate, something to get you in a different zone to stop it spilling so much into your home life.

The other thing I'd suggest is focusing on the bits you can change. Could you keep a journal of small things you've improved each day? It could just be that you helped a colleague, listened to someone talk about an issue, or explained a process clearly to a client (even if the process isn't what it should be). Essentially try to focus on the aspects of the job that do work well or you enjoy.

It's much easier said than done though and it's not surprising it's making you ill. Look after yourself as best you can

It’s hard to say but with the issue - is it likely to be the same elsewhere or just where you work?

I am sure that explaining what the issue is would not be “identifying”. It is hard to comment without understanding that context however. I for example am wondering why you cannot change the process in the area you disapprove of as you say it is your area of expertise and you are passionate about it. Presumably it is not as simple as that, but without the context it is hard to make suggestions.

If you can’t change something and it is making you unwell, then you need to take yourself out of the situation by finding a new job.

Thank you everyone for your thoughts - they’ve all been really helpful.

The only way things can be truly improved is to make this aspect of the job my only role so I can completely focus on it and do what needs to be done. Everyone I work with does their best.....but their best just isn’t good enough (through no fault of their own) because it is a specialised area that most aren’t experienced in, knowledgable in and comfortable doing

All my senior management know how I feel, I have been honest about my concerns but the finding just isn’t available to put into place the only thing that can really help - which is a specialist role.

I have recently started a foundation degree which will hopefully be my exit plan.....but two years seems a long way away and I need to find ways to manage my stress/frustration during that time. The deterioration in my health is due to a chronic condition I have that being triggered by the stress, and it is a health condition that impacts on my whole life. Life is currently really hard for any reason because of the knock on effects of the deterioration I’ve had and I can’t risk it happening again by getting so stressed.

I’ve been off for just over two months (under consultant’s instructions) and I just can’t face going back