Page 2 | Can not stand people who faff about!!!

iswhois · 2020-10-02T12:04:49+00:00

DH is driving me nuts Trying to get the house cleaned as going away tomorrow, he spends time re arranging phones and wallet on sideboard, taking things out of drawers and putting them elsewhere. Looking for some inane personal item etc etc. He is the expert of looking really bust whilst actually not achieving very much. Finally got everything done and need to go out shopping for a few bits. He's spent half an hour in the bath clipping his nails and carrying out various bath time rituals. Doesn't understand why I'm in "such a rush" but I just like to get things done!!!

Original poster

iswhois · 02/10/2020 15:23

@boriselbow for us it's the ironing board always comes out about an hour before we need to leave for the airport. Why just why leave things so late?!?!

OP posts:

entrytohr · 02/10/2020 15:31

I'm a bit of a faffer.

On the flip side it does my head in when more "efficient" people decide that everything has to happen to their timescale. I get everything that needs doing, done, it doesn't have to be a race! My partner's the worst for this, plows through the housework then complains that he's done all of it, instead of just leaving me half to do at my own speed.

The80sweregreat · 02/10/2020 15:35

I'm a bit of a faffer (as I've aged. )
I will tidy before I go out and I always lose my key. Dh is usually in the car waiting for me to find things and get my bags together. I am fast if I need to be if I'm in a queue or something as it's not fair on people waiting behind me , but age does slow you down I've found.
I've found that ' scan and shop' in the supermarkets is a god send as I used to hate that bit at the checkouts and found it hard to keep up with the goods coming at me on the belt!
(I know this isn't good for people's jobs though)

ToastyCrumpet · 02/10/2020 15:38

I was just about to mention airport gaffers but @emmathedilemma beat me to it. God how I hate middle aged blokes on planes, fucking building man caves out of their possessions so that everyone knows it’s their territory.

SantaClaritaDiet · 02/10/2020 15:47

Faffers must just be bored out of their mind and waste time to find something to do with their days. It drives me mad, I have things to do and things I want to do after!

You should set a strict leaving time to your DH. If he's not ready, you leave without him (to run the errands, not to go on your holiday!)

Cleaning the house before a holiday is not faff, is being efficient!

unmarkedbythat · 02/10/2020 15:50

Meh, I can't stand people being overtly organised and barking at everyone else to work to their timetable so it's all a bit swings and roundabouts really. Faff can be very annoying, but so can the opposite. As long as we get where we need to be on time and with everything we need I'm fine.

lazylump72 · 02/10/2020 15:54

As said previously supermarket faffers drive me nuts.Theyreally boil my piss. Standing there ages,then rooting for purse as if it a surprise ,then remembering car parking ticket,then coupon for 3p off jam or whatever ,,theycan;tfind it butthey arent leaving tilthey do ..after all 3p is 3p! FFS hurry up!!!!!! Then not realising cos mething is 2 for1 so a member of staff has to be called to get another ..then realising they didnt wantthis bread theywanted another FFS........screams.....Faffers I despise you..You are a waste of skin.

Paranoidmarvin · 02/10/2020 15:55

My husband and mil spend three hours once going to Tesco. Didn’t even get everything.
He used to be worse.

We once went on holiday. We were all waiting in the car. My fil is a huge faffer. Knew what time we were leaving. In the end we all went to the car in the hope it would make him realise. He came out to the car. Looked in the window and I kid you not said ‘ oh good as long as ur not ready to go ‘ and went back inside to faff some more. At that point a part of me died. And we missed our time slot.

Zaphodsotherhead · 02/10/2020 16:17

I think, and to me, it depends whether they are faffing because they are just naturally disorganised, or whether they are faffing as a way of controlling you. As in 'you can't leave until The Big I has DECIDED you will leave', which is what an XH of mine used to do.

It was thrown into sharp relief when we were staying with his parents, due to go to BILs for lunch, and he decided to mow the lawn as we were all getting into the car ready to leave. His sister gave him a huge dressing down over it, and he was forced to admit that he did it so that we could only leave when HE said so.

keeprocking · 02/10/2020 16:30

I’m on the second room before he’s finished making a feckin spreadsheet of tasks.

My dear late husband once couldn't find the passports when he opened the drawer where they were kept, ie, they didn't leap out without moving things to one side! He decided to 'rationalise' the four drawers, he itemised where everything was kept, eg Drawer 2, left, back, and he proudly transferred this info onto a card index. When I wanted something he went to get his trusty index but couldn't find the cards he'd made and he never found them! No, honestly, I didn't throw them away, it was one of life's perpetual mysteries.

Mumisnotmyonlyname · 02/10/2020 16:37

Maybe he isn't faffing but trying to look busy so you don't ask him to share any real work?

Whenwillow · 02/10/2020 16:37

I cannot bear faffers and reading this thread has made me very stabby 😂

SantaClaritaDiet · 02/10/2020 16:50

@Whenwillow

I cannot bear faffers and reading this thread has made me very stabby 😂

me neither

but we are all faffing on MN right now 😂😂

TwentyViginti · 02/10/2020 16:56

@Zaphodsotherhead

I think, and to me, it depends whether they are faffing because they are just naturally disorganised, or whether they are faffing as a way of controlling you. As in 'you can't leave until The Big I has DECIDED you will leave', which is what an XH of mine used to do.

It was thrown into sharp relief when we were staying with his parents, due to go to BILs for lunch, and he decided to mow the lawn as we were all getting into the car ready to leave. His sister gave him a huge dressing down over it, and he was forced to admit that he did it so that we could only leave when HE said so.

Oh yes, faffing is often used as a power and control tool.

Toilenstripes · 02/10/2020 16:59

I find it incredibly passive aggressive. They end up controlling the situation, like leaving the house, by making everyone wait. It’s infuriating.

peaceanddove · 02/10/2020 17:05

Whilst my FIL was still alive, I rarely ate a hot meal at the in-laws, because the moment dinner was served, FIL would go into Faff Mode. He'd go to the loo, decide to print something off the Internet, need to find his slippers, etc. And, all the while we're sitting at the table as our food went cold. After about ten years of this nonsense I just calmly started eating my meal when the rest of us sat down. MIL was horror stricken.

I genuinely believe he wasn't doing it consciously, but he'd grown up an only child with a Mother who was slavishly devoted to him. So, he was accustomed to being waited on, hand and foot, and always controlling events.

DH wasn't like this, else I'd never have married him, obvs. But recently he's started doing the faffing just as I serve dinner, however we don't wait for him.

IHateCoronavirus · 02/10/2020 17:10

Yes! I completely agree. I have eyed up the patio on several occasions when DH has been on peak faff.
Meal time’s are the worst. 10 minutes before, I’ll do an audible “dinner’s nearly ready!”, 2 minutes to go I’ll call loudly to the DC “set the table!” Then as I’m dishing up I’ll call “dinner’s ready!”
He is always late! It is the height of bloody rudeness. We used to all sit there waiting for him, food going cold. Now I tell the DC to just tuck in. He finds it rude that we don’t wait, to be fair normally I would agree with him, but I’ve had enough!
I always plan my divorce around mealtimes. As soon as meals are over again I adore the soppy bugger.

MostTacticalNameChange · 02/10/2020 17:12

XP was a faffer. Our days out never started until about 3pm.

Me: get up, get dressed, have breakfast, ready to go.

Him: wake up, half an hour on phone, stare out the window, check in with work (even when not required), stare in the fridge for 20 minutes then decide not to eat, shower, shave and shit for over an hour, sit in towel on phone for half an hour, get dressed, do hair for ten minutes, check tyres and oil on the car we AREN'T using that day, check insurance policies for no reason, now it's gone lunch and he is over hungry, half an hour to decide what to eat, 20 minutes to make it, eats, bit of time for it to go down then he is ready.

We were late for so much, it was so frustrating. There was a sinister controlling side to it though, because any mention of it ("nagging" "henpecking") was met with intense anger and hours/days of sulking. I ended up doing everything alone. And then left him!

Longdistance · 02/10/2020 17:20

My dh is a faffer. He’s also become like his father and takes ages to explain things.
If we’re going on holiday dh will pack his case the day before. We arrive at the destination and he’ll go ‘oh, I forgot to pack my deodorant/tooth brush/phone charger/socks’. The list goes on. He could’ve started packing dats before.

TwentyViginti · 02/10/2020 17:24

By far the best way to treat mealtime faffers is to ignore them, and start the meal as IHateCoronavirus does.

It takes away the control, and relieves the anxiety of waiting for the faffer to appear.

Original poster

iswhois · 02/10/2020 17:33

My dear late husband once couldn't find the passports when he opened the drawer where they were kept, ie, they didn't leap out without moving things to one side! He decided to 'rationalise' the four drawers, he itemised where everything was kept, eg Drawer 2, left, back, and he proudly transferred this info onto a card index. When I wanted something he went to get his trusty index but couldn't find the cards he'd made and he never found them! No, honestly, I didn't throw them away, it was one of life's perpetual mysteries.

This really made me chuckle. I've actually tried to tidy up our drawers on numerous occasions, or move things to cupboards- telling DH that if he needs x items they are now kept in cupboards. He always still looks in the drawer for them. It's his dumping ground when "tidying" the house so just ends up in a mess in a matter of days.

OP posts:

rhowton · 02/10/2020 17:33

My DH is a faffer, it drives me mad. My second is a faffer. We joke that my DD1 and I will just do things without waiting for them and they can catch up

HeretoThereandBackAgain · 02/10/2020 17:34

My FIL is a faffer. He’s also a reverse faffer. I was staying with them once and meeting some friends for lunch the following day about 50 miles away. There’s a very reliable train service, every 15 minutes. Door to door, the journey is an hour. I planned to leave a couple of hours beforehand, get the train, and have a leisurely wander around the shops there before meeting my friends at 1pm.

My ILs like this town too, so decided to go too, and insisted on driving me. This meant leaving the house at 7am, in the rush hour when traffic is solid. We drove 10 minutes, then FIL announced we needed petrol. The car was more than 3/4 full and there’s a million petrol stations on the way. Outback Australia it ain’t. Okay, fine. We detoured across to the petrol station on the opposite side because it was 1p cheaper than the one on our side of the road. It took 25 minutes to cross the junction. After filling up (another faff) it took 30 minutes to cross back. By this point we’d left the house two hours earlier and had travelled less than 5 miles.

We then proceeded on the journey. Traffic was better as it was after 9am, but our pace made a snail look like a racehorse. After another 3 hours we still had 15 miles to go. At which point FIL decided we needed more petrol. I lost the will to live at that point.

Needless to say, I was late. Very late - well over an hour. I politely declined the offer of a pickup later on.

My friends thought it was funny. I have never been in a car driven by my ILs since then.

Original poster

iswhois · 02/10/2020 17:35

Gosh and only yesterday I was stuck behind someone in boots trying to sign up for a boots card (the queue was quite long) then proceeded to check through phone, notebook etc for email address. It was an ordeal.

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middleager · 02/10/2020 17:45

DH is a faffer. Gets it from his parents who are often late.

I now tell him events are 10 minutes earlier, so he will get out.

Key faffages include:
Any forms/paperwork
Going out
Cooking
Driving - seriously, the Funeral Director wants their driver back

We've had times before going out - two minutes - that he asks if I want a cup of tea, or when he decides he needs to take a crap.

When I want to buy or plan anything, it's analysed to the bone. Nothing spontaneous. Now I just go ahead and have learnt not to ask.

On the plus side he is paient. I am not.