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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think I will have to give up work

53 replies

Rosebel · 01/10/2020 21:56

I'm on maternity leave and due back in January. Wrote to my manager about changing hours and days.
He finally got back to me (well I got in touch with him) and he said those hours are fine at the moment but don't forget I can change your hours with 4 weeks notice.
He can because the contract says you must be fully flexible which was fine when I started but not practical now.
Son is booked in to nursery for certain days and if they just change my hours there's a risk I'll have no childcare?
I know I'm screwed as I signed the contract but do you think the contract is unfair? Would you go back to work and risk having no childcare? Trouble is it's really unlikely I'll get another job the way things are at the moment.
I don't really think anyone will be able to help but needed a rant.

OP posts:

Original poster

Rosebel · 01/10/2020 23:42

In an ideal world I wouldn't go back to work but obviously I have to. Purely selfish because I just want to be with my baby but I know working is the best thing in the long run.

OP posts:

SqidgeBum · 01/10/2020 23:53

If they have to give you 4 weeks notice then the likelihood is that once you get your shifts before you return from maternity leave you can confirm them with the nursery and they probably wont change again for a while at least. Again, you would have 4 weeks to figure it out with the nursery if they did change. I know the thought of going back is stressful and the pressure of needing childcare is a lot, but talk to the nursery. You arent the first person to come to them with this. They will probably just say 'tell us the days when you have them' and that will be it. But my advice is talk to them asap, so you have the best chance of availability.

JunkCrumpet · 02/10/2020 00:19

I find it odd that you think giving up work entirely is fine but looking for a different job is a completely insane concept. Could you explain why looking for a different job is so bonkers to you?

Original poster

Rosebel · 02/10/2020 02:15

Because no one is hiring right now. People are loosing their jobs, very few places are going to take on someone new when they're struggling to pay their existing staff.

OP posts:

Irisheyesrsmiling · 02/10/2020 02:41

It's really natural to over think and worry before returning to work. It is good they give 4 weeks notice and you can adjust nursery. It very well may work out with no issue. Good luck!

transformandriseup · 02/10/2020 03:00

Have you tried looking at nurseries instead of childminders? My DDs nursery is the same price as the childminders in the area and offers loads of flexibility including casual days if needed.

Kisskiss · 02/10/2020 03:54

This thread really highlights the problems new mums have with trying to maintain a career post baby. Childcare seems so difficult to arrange and expensive!!
OP from the phrasing it sounds like your manager is just covering his back, in case business needs change in the future and he has no choice but to change your hours. I wouldn’t worry about it now, take it if it comes and try and negotiate then if the problem does arise ..

Velvian · 02/10/2020 06:43

Going back to work after having a baby is an incredibly stressful time. You will be OK, op. Get your baby settled into nursery plenty of time in advance. Are there any family members that could act as a backup to nursery in emergencies?

Apple31419 · 02/10/2020 07:10

Totally with you here, @Rosebel. Childcare is a nightmare in this country, even with an office job it was a problem for me. In my case I struggled to commute and work in the time that the childminder or school clubs operated (8-6). I worked 9-5 but the commute was almost an hour! I have no idea how people manage it with shift work.

I assume you've already looked for alternative childcare solutions? I think you'll have to speak to both the nursery and your employer and see where they do have movement. Like other posters have mentioned, nurseries usually have a 4 week notice period but if you are worried about cover, that can still be a problem.
Given COVID, and the prospect of higher future unemployment the nursery might be more willing to change what they do in return for more security on their side. see if you can offer "2 months notice to terminate the contract if i can change my hours with 4 weeks notice". Or something similar!

Conversely speak to the employer and see if you can negotiate on that side. Can you offer working Saturdays for less flexibility during the week? Or see if they can stick to 3 out of 4 days. your manager has a choice - if you can't do it you can't do it and it's in his interest to accommodate if you can.

Another suggestion is what I did, I approached one of the workers from my daughters after school club direct and asked her for babysitting etc. This meant on days I knew vwas going to be late, I could call her up and she'd take her to mine! She was already background checked & qualified because of the job and my daughter had a good relationship with her :)

You're not being unreasonable, childcare is a nightmare in this country and employers, schools etc just aren't practically set up to facilitate it.

WhereamI88 · 02/10/2020 08:14

I say this gently, you are worrying too much amd sounds overly anxious. It may not happen. Or if it does, it may not happen for a long time. If it does happen shortly after you start, you have 4 weeks to figure it out which is a lot of notice actually. Calm down, enjoy the time with the baby, and take each day as it comes.

EdithWeston · 02/10/2020 08:18

Wrote to my manager about changing hours and days

This is a flexible work request, and they've said yes, and said you'll get 4 weeks notice if there is a business need to change your hours.

I'd stick with this employer - they've done the right thing, and unfortunately plenty do not.

Realii · 02/10/2020 08:20

Ride it out and deal with it if it happens.
I had a similar issue pre-children, I had a three day a week job and a two day a week job. The 2 day one decided they wanted to constantly change hours and monopolise my week, but not have full time staff. Lots of us had second jobs or childcare commitments and luckily people resisted largely so they ended up working around people more than they wanted to.
Worst comes to the worst use parental leave etc while you juggle childcare and drag it out. Don’t give up though before you start.

Cocomarine · 02/10/2020 08:25

What are your longer term products in this company / career path?
When I returned, initially I worked 4 days a week. However, important meetings could happen on any day. So I paid for nursery 5 days a week, and was forcible when needed.
Yes, that was a cost. But it was an investment in my career, and I’m paid much more now.
Remember that even if that wipes out a lot of your salary, you need to consider the bigger picture, and that your husband pays for childcare too.

LemonTT · 02/10/2020 08:25

I think you have been given want you asked for, with the clear warning that it might change. No need to take any action other than to check if there is a more flexible child care option.

I think you might be looking for an excuse to leave. If so, this isn’t it.

Spiderysummer · 02/10/2020 08:33

My daughter used a nursery for her child which was very flexible as her work days changed monthly. I think nurseries may be more flexible as they may have lost a number of working parents right now.

Livelovebehappy · 02/10/2020 08:42

If the company specified at the outset that they wanted someone flexible, then I’m guessing they’ve covered themselves should you challenge it, as you accepted the job on that basis. You also have to consider your other colleagues, who will have to pick up the slack for any anti social shifts you can’t cover. Childminders are usually a bit more flexible than nurseries.

jessycake · 02/10/2020 09:03

I would just give it try , if they are unreasonable then give it up . In the meantime try living on a reduced income , check if any benefits are available if you can't make it work& speak to the nursery about flexibility.

OoohTheStatsDontLie · 02/10/2020 09:13

They are reminding you that they can, not saying that they will. I guess it will depend if the need arises.

You've not really said about your husband other than he earns more than you and works full time. The same applies to my husband and his job is probably overall a bit more flexible than mine. Many managers are able to have a bit more flexibility in hours and make the time up later. Obviously it depends on his job and what he does but you seem to be assuming that childcare is your responsibility to sort out but its not, it's a shared responsibility and he will have to help find the solution with you

SoloMummy · 02/10/2020 09:23

@Rosebel
Is your oh working from home atm?
Do you work from home at all? Have the option?
What's your redundancy policy?
Have you made a formal request under flexible working? This would mean that if agreed, it cannot be reneged on. Your arrangement sounds like an informal agreement stc.

Heyahun · 02/10/2020 09:23

Just go back And see what happens!it may never change ! Also if It changes you Can deal with it then - see if the nursery can change the days at that point - I wouldn’t just quit now In case something happens?

Twigletfairy · 02/10/2020 09:29

In the nicest way possible, are you looking for an excuse not to go back?

Your hours haven't been changed by your manager so it would be ridiculous not to go back just in case that does happen. If they do give you notice they're changing your hours and you can't find a solution, then you hand in your notice to the nursery and you leave.

And yes there are places hiring. The jobs may not be desirable to you, but there certainly are places hiring and there are companies that are thriving right now

bumblingbovine49 · 02/10/2020 09:30

@Rosebel

No flexible working because of the job type. My husband works full time and earns more than me and even if I went back full-time he'd still earn more. I don't want to give up work and it's my own stupid fault for signing the contract (although the choice was sign it or leave). I'm just worried they'll change my hours and the nursery might not be able to cover those hours if they are full. I do have the option to work weekends and have offered to do Saturdays but I really need to work 3 days a week. Its not my managers fault and I know I agreed to it but just worried about not being able to sort childcare.

Just book Mon to Fri with the nursery. Then when you are certain if days, give them 4weeks notice and drop the days/,hours you don't need. You will have a month that is very expensive but it is a short term hit so you can be sure what you will do. I paid for 4 days if childcare every week with a childminder for a couple of years when I only worked 3 because I had to have some flexibility on which 3 days I worked each week

Elisheva · 02/10/2020 09:32

Don’t fall into the trap of this being all your problem, and you’re always the one who has to change/compromise your working life to accommodate childcare. So what if your husband earns more, he needs to be thinking about flexible hours, changing jobs, different start/finish times as well as you.

BlackAmericanoNoSugar · 02/10/2020 09:35

What's your notice period? If it's three months then there may possibly be an issue, if it's the same as the notice that they give you to change hours then less of an issue.

Check with the nursery now how much flexibility they have. If they're not full they may be able to accommodate changes, especially with reasonable notice. The worst that can happen is your manager changes your hours, you phone nursery the same day to see if you can change your DC's hours. If nursery can't change hours then you hand in your notice on the same day. Your work may backtrack at that stage because it'll cost them time and money to recruit and train up a replacement for you, or they may just let you leave, be prepared for either.

JunkCrumpet · 02/10/2020 09:35

@Twigletfairy

In the nicest way possible, are you looking for an excuse not to go back?

And yes there are places hiring. The jobs may not be desirable to you, but there certainly are places hiring and there are companies that are thriving right now

Absolutely this. OP has admitted she doesn't want to go back to work, her hours haven't even been changed and she won't even consider a different job. Clear as day that OP doesn't want to go back to work (which is a natural feeling that a lot of women have after their maternity leave).

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