To tell my midwife(s)

[FinalDecision1]

To stop asking me to let her know my final decision re breastfeeding when I've told her my decision numerous times...

For a long list of reasons I won't go into here, I have a lot of various antenatal and midwife appointments.

When asked, I have said I do not plan on breastfeeding and I have explained my reasons why numerous times. Yet every time I go I am asked if I've read X Y or Z leaflet yet.... 'well do have a read up and you can let me know your final decision later' or told 'well... Have a think first' etc... or things along those lines. Every time it makes me feel like my decision just isn't being respected or that they think I just don't know enough and I'll change my mind.

AIBU next time to say 'I can let you know my final decision right now. It's the same as it was last time you asked, I am not breastfeeding. Please don't ask me again'.

YANBU still breastfeeding my DD who's 1 and planning on doing the same for number 2 but everyone should have that choice and be respected for their choice. If you've given your reasons, ask for them to be written down and not to be asked about your decision again. It's unreasonable of them to push it on you as if you haven't thought about it.

Yanbu. I ve seen about 9 different midwifes now and none of them have asked at 36 weeks, if you ve seen the same person a few times at this point I d politely tell them to please stop asking and if that doesn't work I d take it further.

You don't know what they could be doing to vulnerable mums who it isn't in their best interests to breastfeed. One lady I ve spoken to told me a midwife grabbed their breast and tried to force them to latch baby when they clearly told them they were going with formula feeding which is frightening to hear as a first time mum.

Playing devils advocate, as I’m very pro choice, happy mother happy baby and all that, could it be a lack of being able to put herself in your shoes? A lack of empathy perhaps.
She works with pregnant women and newborns, she obviously feels passionate about them having the best possible outcomes. Fed is of course best, but all of the current research, which she will need to be up to date with as part of her CPD will be saying breast milk, for various reasons.
Is it just that she wants the ‘best’ outcomes for your child as well as all of the others in her care. If this is one of her core beliefs to her practice, and she struggles with empathy , she just might really struggle with grasping that there are women who’s need not to breastfeed is greater than their perceived benefits to their child. 🤷‍♀️

You wouldn’t be unreasonable to say you don’t want to be asked again.

I suspect it’s a box ticking exercise on their part though, not a personal lack of respect for your decision.

@Trousersareoverrated

It’s difficult for the midwife when you have made a decision To give your baby something that is not in the best interests of their health. That’s a fact and you know it otherwise you wouldn’t be so touchy about discussing it. Yes your decision but she wouldn’t be doing her job as a health professional if she wasn’t trying to talk you out of it.

Nothing is ‘difficult’ for the midwife. It has nothing to do with her what another woman chooses to do with her body. If she was a good healthcare professional she’d respect her choice and get on with what she’s needed for.

I wouldn't want to receive medical treatment from a HCP with such a poor understanding of what is necessary for consent to be legally valid.

You do not have to justify your decision to anyone, be assertive with her and tell her not to mention it again

Ask for it to be written in your notes, refuse to discuss any further. Baby will be totally fine and you will be a more relaxed mum because you are doing what you feel comfortable with.

YANBU
I wrote in my antenatal notes for DS2 that my baby would decide on feeding. Even after 5 years I was still so angry that no one had ever said that a full term healthy baby might refuse to BF, never root, scream the place down when midwives were trying to get him to latch on but feed really well from a bottle. Tried nipple shields, total failure. But my wonderful almost retirement midwife told me her DS had done the same and to bottle feed him. GP and HV great as well. Second time round, lots of pressure to BF hence my angry comments in the notes. Irony that DS2 would have BF but staff not there when I needed help having had C section so I decided that as DS1 was healthier than several BF babies I knew I was not going to worry at all . Bottle feeding, some expressing in first few weeks but mostly formula. Strong and healthy kids, both of them, no regrets. I remember MW at antenatal class demonstrating bottle preparation and saying she had been told not to do that and how stupid that rule was.

I would find it very disrespectful if you have told the MW that have you have made your decision but she continues to ignore you. I would also consider her to be very unprofessional if she continues to raise the subject just because it's not the answer she wants to hear. You can either lie and say you are going to breast feed to shut her up, or ask her if she is having memory issues. Tell her to to write in large letters in your notes that you have made your decision and it's not up for discussion. If she continues to mention it, you may need to ask for another MW with a bit more empathy (good luck with that), or raise a complaint. Pregnancy is stressful enough without this MW giving you extra grief.

Agree with PanamaPattie - you have options. I would have saved myself some grief I suppose if I’d lied, but when I had to fill that section in I was determined to make my point. I’ve realised I’m still cross about it, years on!!

Mine revusedto breastfeed I had to Express and fed him with a little syringe when he was born. Guessing its because I'd taken no bottles it just what they gave me. I stayed in hospital 5 days to try and get him to feed was well gutting. I basically just expressed for months until my nipples felt like they were falling off.

Refused to