To think something needs to be done about this excessive gaming?

[Lovespolly]

8 year old DSC is obsessed with games to the extent that it's all he wants to do and it's a constant source of tantrums.

When he's here he wants to be on them for the duration of the visit, only coming away from the screen to eat (and rushing that to get back on)

When DP says that's enough now we're going to do something else he will run across the room shouting and have a tantrum.

He's had a tantrum today when we picked him up from school because he wanted to go home instead so he could play a particular game that he doesn't have at our house.

He is undergoing assessments as it's suspected that he's not neurotypical, but even so.. doesn't this need to change?

Please note I know the difference between a meltdown and a tantrum. I have an ASD child myself.

I have to be strict and consistent with my 10yo who has ASD. Otherwise he would never come back to the real world at all!

Clear rules and boundaries so everyone knows what is expected is the way to go.

With or without any SEN, kids and screens don't always mix well. You are so not alone on this. It's managing the expectations and it is a balancing act. Depending on the device see if there are parental/family controls and set time limits which take things out of your hands.

When DP says that's enough now we're going to do something else he will run across the room shouting and have a tantrum.

That sounds like a transition issue. Do timers work with him? I've found them useful in the past. I have to give my two very clear boundaries, and countdowns, otherwise they will kick off if I try and change activities, no matter what they are. Games are the worst though, as they get so deeply absorbed. I've also set rules like - no screens after meals (otherwise one of them won't eat properly, because he wants to get back to his game), no screens before bed time etc. Once the rules are set, they do seem to find it a bit easier. I also have a zero-tolerance on "gaming rage" policy. If my son starts getting "Xbox rage", he is done for the day.

Please note I know the difference between a meltdown and a tantrum. I have an ASD child myself.

Yes, but not meltdowns look the same. When my son has meltdowns, he is beyond anything. You just have to wait it out. My daughter can be distracted out of them - but they are still often triggered by sensory or other ASD-specific issues. She's not doing it to get her own way, she's completely overwhelmed and lashing out.

Oh, and avoid any games where you can't save your progress. Sodding Roblox.

I was going to say roughly the same as @RonObvious, to me it sounds like an issue with transitions and time/task management both of which can be very difficult for children who are not NT.

A visual timetable or planner is a good way of managing expectations and setting boundaries of what will happen when. You could show that from 4pm to 4.30pm (for example) is gaming time then 4.30pm to 5pm is dinner time, then whatever activity is after that. There are often sellers on ebay who make these or you can make your own.

Timers work well too, we have a digital timer for DS to help him with time management and transitions and will give him verbal reminders alongside at the ten minutes and five minutes mark.

We have firm boundaries on gaming and we try to make it a family activity too so that we can all enjoy it and then it becomes a social experience and any negative behaviours relating to it can be managed in real time as well as it being an opportunity for the adults to model appropriate gaming behaviours - many children with ASD learn from example. Right now DH is playing xbox with DC1 and DC3.

Please note I know the difference between a meltdown and a tantrum. I have an ASD child myself.

With all due respect, you know the difference between a tantrum and a meltdown for your autistic child. It varies wildly from child to child. I have two autistic children and neither of them meltdown in the same way.

I would also say, play to his interests when trying to get him to do other activities. If he hates board games or colouring or football or whatever then he's going to resist attempts to get him to do this and he's going to react negatively. Children with neurodevelopment conditions can be very firm about what they do/don't enjoy doing so you may need to alter your expectations on what other activities he can be redirected to.

Thank you for the replies, there is some great advice here.

Wrt where I said I can identify between a meltdown and a tantrum, I did mean in DSS aswell as my own DC. I've been in DSS life for over 5 years and we have a good, close relationship. I've been around for many, many meltdowns and an equal amount of tantrums and the difference between the two in him is vast.

Not to argue against the PP's who said they present differently in different children because they absolutely do.

I really like the idea of using a timer to help with the transition from gaming as I agree there is an element of transition difficulty involved here, though transition aside games tend to be a trigger in themselves as whenever he loses or can't do something the controller will be thrown down and he'll start shouting and banging about. These episodes are short lived at least where the losing is concerned, it's when he has to come off the game or let his brother have a turn that all hell breaks lose.

The closest we've come to using timers is by telling him "DSS you have 30 minutes and then it's your brothers turn" and then giving him a reminder when it gets to 10 minutes left and then 5. He doesn't like to come off it or share with his siblings

He's a wonderful boy and a joy to be around but games (yep roblox) set him off

If games are a trigger, get them off the games for a bit.

That's what I would propose but DP and his ex would be reluctant to enforce that as it's his special interest and the thing he is most passionate about

Sometimes children need protecting from their special interest. But I get that you don’t have much say in it in this situation.