AIBU to feel it's bang out of order for the christmas get together for parents in my son's class to cost £45.00 a head?

[SumMum]

My son attends a small state primary school. It is not in an affluent area but as the school is a very good one, it attracts a proportion of affluent, middle class parents. But only a proportion - many parents are not so comfortably off.

I found a card in my son's bookbag today with an invite to the christmas get together for parents in my son's year. This is a regular event and something I look forward to as a chance to socialise with other parents. But this year the event is going to be a dinner dance in a nearby hotel at £45.00 a head. It is suggested that you dress up and bring your partner.

I think this is a really unfair and divisive invite. For me, the cost of this evening (especially near christmas) is just too much. I don't see why dh and I should be spending the best part of £100 on a school social event when we'd be just as happy with something more low key. I am sure I am not alone in feeling this. I suspect the parents who go will end up being the richer ones, and the rest of us will miss out.

Obviously if a group of parents want to organise a posh night out, that's their business, but this invite is instead of, not in addition to, any other christmas get together. It appears to have been supported by the school - it is on school headed paper. If any other group of parents start organising a rival, cheaper evening, the attendance numbers will suffer as parents choose one or the other event.

I just feel really cross that the school thinks it is ok to agree to this relatively expensive christmas get together. It will, in effect, exclude a good proportion of the poorer parents.

organised by PTA surely

Has this been choosen for a particular reason - to stop certain people attending? A deliberate ploy to price some parents out of the evening?

It does sound like alot of money. But I would be inclined to give the organisers the benefit of the doubt - it might not be a deliberately 'exclusive' decision. I say this as our PTA finds that whatever we do , it is always the same parents who support events regardless of cost/ variety of event. Thus if all those parents were comfortable with a given cost then we would think it ok to go ahead.

what's the usual scenario and how much do you usually pay?

I think it's fine to meet somewhere for drinks on a different date as an extra pre-Christmas or New Year social event. Needn't coincide.

Don't think many families will attend tbh

If it's a PTA fund raiser it will have been discussed at PTA committee meetings and presumably the price was discussed and agreed there? Sometime we do things that we know some parents can't afford because they are good ways of getting lots of dosh out of those that can!

If it's a Christmas get-together - ie a social event not a fundraiser -then it"s outrageous and you should complain.

YANBU

I would sent back the invite with a polite but to the point refusal that makes it clear how you feel about this and that you hope it will not happen again. Get all the parents who feel as you do to do the same.

Thats expensive. I organise a lot of mums nights out with ds's class mums and they are all reasonable.
Last time was a trip to pub. So we only needed to pay for drinks. Its walking distance so no cabs needed either.
Next one is to a bar in town that does dancing. Some people may need cabs but usually some people drive and do lifts. Its free entry before 9pm.
Before that we've been out for a pizza in a non pricey restaurant and more pub trips.
We go out a lot

YANBU.

£90 just to get in and eat, then presumably drinks will be extra, babysitters, something suitable for you to wear, hire of a dinnersuit, it'll be closer to £200 by the time you're finished.

YANBU, that's ridiculous. For a night out with a bunch of people you know from the school gates? I wouldn't even want to spend that on an night out with really good friends. (Couldn't afford to, even if I really wanted to, more to the point)

Can you find out from the school whether it is 'approved' by them or if it's separate? If it's actually something they've agreed to then a strong word is in order, imo.

I think twice about £12 for a fundraising pizza and quiz night. (but thst's because I'm mean and unsociable ). I like Tamum's idea of organising something after the deadline has passed. failing that you could do something in Jan or Feb - a sweep the winter blues away night in a pub (jan and feb are shit imho and need lightening up)

you need to get more involved with the organising next time!

Crumbs, at our school we have a job getting people to take part in activities that cost a fiver or less. Everyone would just laugh at a letter like that, me included.

It might be organised by the PTA, but if it comes on school-headed paper, the school is sanctioning it. Our head has to see and agree everything we want to go out in letters.

I would put in writing both to the PTA and the school (copied both to the head and governors) the reasons you think this is inappropriate. If the PTA members want to do something like this and all think it's affordable, they should do it as a 'PTA and partners night', not as a whole-school thing whereby many (most?) parents are excluded.

I think if the school have organised this then it would have been better to choose somewhere cheaper. If one of the parent's has organised this event, then I think YABU. It's obviously optional, if you can't afford it don't go or organise a cheaper evening out.

this is the main/only event? jaw on floor, 45 quid! each. at xmas time. for a school thing!

don't go this year, advise all and sundry a few drinks in a local pub more welcome next year?

£45 per head is alot of money , especailly when you pile babysitting and drinking on top.

Our annual school ball was £40 a head last summer, but at least the proceeds got o the school.

Has it been organised by the school or PTA ? If it has been organised by the school I would say something about it being not 'inclusive'.

If organised by PTA I would have a quiet word with Chair , if you find that alot of parents are not going to go organise a low key night out at a local pub or curry .

That's awful. Mum's Nights Out should be accessible to all - we go for a curry or cheapy pasta place.

YANBU. Where are you going? The bloomin Conran Restaurant?

Can you join the PTA?

YANBU, and tbh, I don't think the school should put something on it's notepaper inviting people to something which is OBVIOUSLY priced to exclude many people.

If a group of people want to get together independently and arrange an expensive night out amongst themselves, then that's fine, but an invite to the whole school - i.e bringing together parents who don't know each other etc, should be accessible to all.

Do you know any other parents who feel the same? Is there someone in the school (Head or Secretary) that you would feel able to mention it to? It won't be just you that finds it an outrageous price, I'm sure....and there will be others prevented from talking about this by embarrassment.

I agree with Tamum about arranging a meeting in a pub or something - but the problem with that is you end up with two social groups, divided by buying-power - which should be the LAST thing that a Christmas 'do' achieves.

A dinner dance in a hotel with tickets costing £90 for a couple ? It sounds like something Hyacinth Bucket would organise ! Surely no-one is going

DD2's year group Christmas do is £45 per head. DD1's is £33 per head before drink, so probably more like double that.

That is out of order. I'm a class rep for DS1's class and, although the school is in a pretty affluent area, I'm very conscious that whatever we organise for our Christmas do has to be affordable for everyone, or at least the majority. £45 is way too much.