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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to feel it's bang out of order for the christmas get together for parents in my son's class to cost £45.00 a head?

48 replies

SumMum · 10/10/2007 20:02

My son attends a small state primary school. It is not in an affluent area but as the school is a very good one, it attracts a proportion of affluent, middle class parents. But only a proportion - many parents are not so comfortably off.

I found a card in my son's bookbag today with an invite to the christmas get together for parents in my son's year. This is a regular event and something I look forward to as a chance to socialise with other parents. But this year the event is going to be a dinner dance in a nearby hotel at £45.00 a head. It is suggested that you dress up and bring your partner.

I think this is a really unfair and divisive invite. For me, the cost of this evening (especially near christmas) is just too much. I don't see why dh and I should be spending the best part of £100 on a school social event when we'd be just as happy with something more low key. I am sure I am not alone in feeling this. I suspect the parents who go will end up being the richer ones, and the rest of us will miss out.

Obviously if a group of parents want to organise a posh night out, that's their business, but this invite is instead of, not in addition to, any other christmas get together. It appears to have been supported by the school - it is on school headed paper. If any other group of parents start organising a rival, cheaper evening, the attendance numbers will suffer as parents choose one or the other event.

I just feel really cross that the school thinks it is ok to agree to this relatively expensive christmas get together. It will, in effect, exclude a good proportion of the poorer parents.

OP posts:
anniebear · 10/10/2007 20:03

well I wouldnt be going!!

hifi · 10/10/2007 20:05

yanbu, its alot of money, plus babysitting, surely they could section off an area in a local bar or something. so near to xmas im sure the take up will be small.

Original poster
SumMum · 10/10/2007 20:07

I suspect the organisers have a very good idea of what parents will be going

OP posts:
ChantillyLace · 10/10/2007 20:08

Think the turn-out will be low. I wouldn't go and I'd make sure they knew how ridiculous it is too!

crunchie · 10/10/2007 20:17

SumMum I understand your concerns, however is it a 'school' organsised event or a parent one??

I ask this because a freind of mine organises an unofficial thing like this at our school and this year it is £30 a head which is pricey, but I am going along. It is NOT school arranged so I doubt it was meant to be insensitive IYKWIM

Kewcumber · 10/10/2007 20:20

blimey - I wouldn't be going at that price. Could you suggest to the school that parents who can;t afford it could be offered a cheaper alternative? Or offer to arrange one - that should get the message across.

islandofsodor · 10/10/2007 20:24

Blooming eck!

I can't afford to go to our PTA Christmas ball and thats only £30 each. It's a private school and there are limited places for the whole school though.

outed · 10/10/2007 20:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NAB3 · 10/10/2007 20:25

We wouldn't be going. We wouldn't be able to get babysitters, and if we could, we would rather spend time going out for dinner on our own. Sounds awfully expensive.

outed · 10/10/2007 20:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FrayedKnot · 10/10/2007 20:27

can you find out who is organizing it and have a word? Obviously for this year it will be too late but perhaps they will rethink things in future.

It sounds totally OTT to me. I am organizing a similar event for the company I work for and the face value of the tickets is about the same price - but of course as it's a works do it;s subsidized. There is no way anyone would come if it were that price!!

Hulababy · 10/10/2007 20:30

Blimey, that's steep! Even the ball tickets at DD's prep school weren't that much!

LucyJones · 10/10/2007 20:31

is it usual for such get togthers to happen in school then?
I doubt there is a hidden agenda but just that whoever is organising it as done it by their means and not everyone else's.
Sometimes there isn't always malicious intent to exclude people in everything you see.

Tamum · 10/10/2007 20:32

Is there a date you have to let them know by? If so you could wait until after that and then organise your own much cheaper do without being accused of sabotaging theirs. No, YANBU!

LucyJones · 10/10/2007 20:33

I'm just giving the organisers the benefit of the doubt tbh to counter this view: 'they have done this so that only those who they actually want to spend the night with will attend because it is only those people who will be able to afford.'

LIZS · 10/10/2007 21:15

We had something similar offered as a Christmas do for the Preprep part of dc' private school, organised by the class reps (so not officially school sponsored) . Dinner/dance at a , not particularly local, golf club, similar cost per head.

We won't be going for exactly the reasons you raise . If we want to splash out on an occasional extravagant night out (not only tickets but additional drinks, taxi , babysitter etc) then we'd rather it were at a venue and in company of our own choosing. Also dh would n't want to commit us over 2 months in advance. Even for our annual school Summmr ball you don't so far in advance. There seem to be plenty very happy to do so though.

harpsicorpsecarrier · 10/10/2007 21:17

yes that is outrageous.
£20-25 gets a perfectly acceptable meal around here.
very very divisive

Slubberdegullion · 10/10/2007 21:22

£45. Blimey.

I'm getting grief off parents for asking for £16 per head for our Autumn Barn dance fundraiser.

£45.....there would be a public flaming here.

handlemecarefully · 10/10/2007 21:24

That is too pricey to be socially inclusive!

Original poster
SumMum · 10/10/2007 22:20

I honestly can't imagine what the organisers were thinking of. Have just re-read the wording on the invite and it said 'we thought this ((ie £45.00 meal with live music)sounded fun'

OP posts:
EmsMum · 10/10/2007 22:25

Way too expensive.

We organise our own 'mums night out' and its never that much. Its a private school too.

Mind you, the dads organised a dads night out one year ...glad my DH didn't go cos I shudder to think what they ended up spending with meal, pubs, some sort of locally infamous night club....bad boys!

MrsTittleMouse · 10/10/2007 22:33

WTF!!!! £45?!?!?!?!??
Who is organising it? There is no way that we'd go to it. 90 quid is 18 nights in with DH and a bottle of wine, and that doesn't include taxis, babysitters etc. etc.
What does it normally cost?

ineedapoo · 10/10/2007 22:38

sounds very excessive surely the point of these nights is for everybody to chat etc. Why not organise a lunch at a local pub nearer to the time for those Mums who can't or don't want to apy that much

juuule · 10/10/2007 22:40

Sorry not very helpful but I don't think I'd be going.

chopchopbusybusy · 10/10/2007 22:44

Well the words 'dinner dance' would really put me off anyway! It's doubly expensive because it is the sort of thing that would only really appeal to couples so you do have to consider babysitting too. It's also quite divisive for single parents as it's not the sort of thing you'd want to go to on your own.

I would be surprised if many people take up the offer. Wait a couple of weeks and then suggest a couple of drinks in the local pub.