What is reasonable - divorce and holidays

[Noconceptofnormal]

Bit of a newcomer to being divorced so I am looking to find out what is considered reasonable and in the children's best interests.

Husband has decided to leave and we starting the process of getting divorced.

We have 3 children 14 months, 3.5 and 5.5 years old.

We need to decide what is fair with regards to holidays. (ex) Husband wants to spend all his A/L with the children, which is fine.

However, I imagine he'll want to take them on at least one or two holidays a year as he'll want a break as well (covid permitting I guess).

Issue is that none of the children have ever been more than one night away from me, the 5 year old in particular is very clingy with me and has been very affected by her dad leaving. I think that she would find being away from me for long quite distressing.

Also the baby is still very young and again would find being away from me distressing.

Obviously when they get older it is not a problem for them to have proper holidays with their dad.

But whilst they're still young it is more problematic.

I'd be interested therefore in what other people have done with similar age kids?

There is no reason that your 14 months has to feel distressed at being away from you. Why are you assuming that?

Your XH isn’t going to go straight into a 2 week holiday - he’ll have the kids overnight for 1, 2, 3 (?) nights a week, presumably?

It is most likely that they’ll all get used to time with their dad very quickly. I’d say stop worrying about holidays and bite the bullet with normal overnights.

I think think you need to adjust your mindset and not create a self fulfilling prophecy - it is not problematic at all.

If you’re currently still living in the same house, I recommend that your XH gets hands on with your oldest, taking over putting her to bed, that sort of thing.

Sorry, you said about dad leaving... so he’s already not in the same house. Keep up the overnights. Once they’re used to the 1 night, make it 2. No reason then that holidays should be a problem.

In this climate, OP, it's unlikely anyone will be going on a two weeker any time soon - don't worry!

There's plenty of time to build up his overnights. I'm really sorry to hear about your divorce but the one positive of the children being so young is that this will be their 'normal' and they won't be upset about the separation in a few years.

How often does he have them overnight at the moment? Can he have them on a Saturday night and drop them back off on a Sunday and see how they get on then build from there? They will be upset at first because it's different but once you get into a routine they'll be absolutely fine.