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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To put DD2 into nursery even though I am at home?

49 replies

Broodylou16 · 01/10/2020 10:33

DD2 is 13 months and I feel we are getting to that point where she would benefit from some external interaction and socialisation. I am a SAHM since I was made redundant at the end of my mat leave a couple of months ago. I've been home now for over 14 months and family live 45 minutes away, so no "local" help at all. If I sign her up to nursery for two mornings a week (9am-1pm), am I being horribly selfish? She would be attending the same place where my DD1 (age 3) is attending preschool. Although they would be in different rooms, DD2 would still have her if she got upset i suppose.

Is it unreasonable to put her into childcare even though I am at home??

OP posts:

Original poster

Broodylou16 · 01/10/2020 19:50

@dontdisturbmenow working moms also do not have to wipe bums, cleans snots, deal with completely irrational meltdowns at home/in public, the list goes on. When I worked full time my clothes we so f*cking clean ALL day and I got to drink hot coffee and choose my own lunch and not share it with grabby toddler hands. I could hear my own thoughts. I felt valued. The entire time I was a working mum I felt like I was somehow cheating the universe because it was such a contrast to the relentlessness and luxury-free time us mums have at home. And I still think that. I have stayed home, worked part time, worked full time, and now stay home again.

You see, when you speak to most husbands, they'll tell you there is no way they would ever be a stay at home dad, that they'd be driven mental, just couldn't hack it. But I would never, ever say that about having a 9-5 job. And that is the difference.

OP posts:

Asterion · 01/10/2020 19:53

YANBU. But don't choose Monday as one of her mornings, because of Bank Holidays.

catsjammies · 01/10/2020 19:59

My DC2 is 19m and I'm considering nursery for him when he turns two next year for the social side. His big sister is back at nursery now and he misses her, and I imagine park play dates are going to get pretty old pretty quickly as the weather gets worse. It's really bloody expensive where we are, otherwise I'd chuck him in now at the place near us which takes under 2s!
I actually think, if the finances aren't an issue, they'd benefit massively from nursery considering no classes/groups etc are on right now.

Original poster

Broodylou16 · 01/10/2020 20:05

@catsjammies that is my struggle exactly, there are no playgroups for us to join and she has such a wonderful personality, she absolutely loves interaction with people, she gets so happy when we are dropping off her big sister in the mornings, smiling and babbling to everyone and then she has to just come home with me and is stuck with me 24/7! Luckily our local nursery where my DD1 also attends is not expensive, and I know all of the ladies who work there, they are lovely.

OP posts:

Distiller91 · 01/10/2020 20:06

My 3 year old does 3 mornings a week and he just loves it so much and I feel mentally so much better and rested for the break too. There really isn't any negatives that I can see from it. I'm always excited for my little breaks and then when it gets to 1pm I can't wait to go get him again his interaction and speech has always come on leaps and bounds too.

waltzeswithsnobs · 01/10/2020 20:24

Fuck no. Do it, do, do it is my advice. I think the child benefits from playing with children their own age - mine certainly did anyway - and it's beneficial to you to get a break.

FelicityBob · 01/10/2020 20:25

I agreed with you until the bit where you said working mums don’t wipe bums, clean snot or deal with meltdowns

Original poster

Broodylou16 · 01/10/2020 20:56

@FelicityBob I understand your point and I felt the same when I re-read it. Of course they do all of these things, but there is a relief in knowing that for a certain number of hours every day, you don't have to do those things.

OP posts:

ChangeMyNameAllTheTime29 · 01/10/2020 21:15

Is it unreasonable to put her into childcare even though I am at home??

Not at all. I put DS in nursery when he was around 14 months old because I needed the break. It was just me and my DD ( 3 at the time ) & DS, I didnt have any help and just needed some time to be able to breathe on my own

It was the best thing i did for us both, i got my peace and my sanity back 2 days a week and my DS started walking and talking whilst he was there. I'd do it if you have the funds

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 01/10/2020 22:11

Only do it if you are going to carve out some personal time. Don't be a bloody martyr! Particularly if your spouse always finds time for a hobby or the gym!

IceSkater · 01/10/2020 22:13

It will be good for you both!

Caterina99 · 01/10/2020 22:42

Do it! I’m a sahm and my toddler goes to nursery 2 mornings a week currently and I’m going to increase it to 3 mornings because there is absolutely nothing to do at the moment. I feel she benefits more from nursery than staying home with me all morning

We can afford it. And the mental break from those 3 hours is amazing. Even if I spend most of it doing cleaning and errands. I then don’t have to do those on evenings and weekends

Irisheyesrsmiling · 02/10/2020 02:48

Everyone needs a break. Two mornings a week 'off' will help you be even more engaged at other times. Enjoy!

p.s. I've known several SAHM whose children go to nursery full time 8-5!

5lilducks · 02/10/2020 03:46

I am currently a sahm having left work after my maternity ended . Pre-Covid (happy days) I used to take DD (2 yrs 9 mnths) to three baby groups and on most weeks an additional baby group as well. Because of covid none of her groups have re-started and she wasn't having any interaction with other children at all. She loves being around other children. Since September we have been sending her to pre-school two mornings a week and she is loving it. If not for Pre-School she will just be stuck in with us two esp .in this crap weather. It is a worry that we may have to self isolate etc if someone at her preschool gets covid. The very first day she went in she got a cold and developed a cough (as always) and we had to get her tested for covid as the school would not accept her without a negative result. I can see this happening over and over again as children tend to get colds and coughs during Autumn/Winter and schools/nursery wouldn't let them in without a negative covid test result or child has self isolated (if they've had covid symptoms)

GoldfishParade · 02/10/2020 03:48

It's pretty lazy IMO. Sorry!

Duckchick · 02/10/2020 06:15

I've just had a baby start in childcare. I'd be cautious starting this side of winter, particularly if your DC tends to get bugs. With them being at home for the last 6 months they've not had as much exposure as normal. If they catch something and run a temperature, according to the rules you will have to take your older DC out and all isolate until you get a test and then its result. Is that something you can cope with repeatedly?

Under normal circumstances I don't think DC start really benefiting from nursery until they reach the age of about 2.5 and start making friends (mine all started at 1 when I went back to work). However, with most of the normal toddler activities not running it's a completely different world now, and I think a toddler does need to spend time with other people and children for socialisation.

IveBeenGood · 02/10/2020 06:37

You do what’s right for you - I’ve just finished mat leave (September) and put mine in two full days a week from the end of June and my five year old (as they also have a Forest school For older children whilst school was shut), went three days a week. This was all with the lockdown period and I’d been at home with both of them since March. We all needed a break from one another and as nothing was open this, for me, was the best thing available.

I even take days off from work whilst the kids stay in school or nursery - I think it’s important to have some time off from being a parent.

Jemma2907 · 02/10/2020 06:51

My 2 year old is in a lovely nursery 2 days a week and it's so good for the both of us. He has so much fun there! I also have a 5 year old in school (I did the same with him when he was small) Its gives me 12 hours a week of child free time to do all the housework, laundry, chores, help my Mum out with any bits she needs. It means on the other 3 days, I can devote my time to my 2 year old and not be trying to do chores around him. It is a luxury but if you can afford it, then do it!

purplesky18 · 02/10/2020 06:52

No way are you BU, I was a working mum from when DD was 6 months so she went full time, I then left when she was 1.5yrs and became a SAHM. Now DD is 2 and a bit and I still send her to nursery 2 days a week, it’s amazing for my sanity and let’s me keep a clean house, laundry done and time to just sit in absolute silence and stare at the walls (ahhhh peace). DD absolutely loves her nursery and doesn’t even look at me to say goodbye, so she gets the bonus of being a well socialised and surprisingly balanced toddler. Win win! I study part time at uni from Jan so the nursery will be even more invaluable! Do it!

ChalkDinosaur · 02/10/2020 08:00

Also OP, you're never going to get universal approval for this here (or if you could get honest opinions in real life). But if you think it benefits you and your DD and you can afford it, then go for it. Obviously that does make your life a little bit easier than some people's, but you don't need to feel plagued by guilt for that. I'm a SAHM who has spent the last 2 years feeling guilty about loads of this stuff and it's not worth it!

LadyLoungeALot · 02/10/2020 08:04

I would, for socialisation and for getting into a routine before they start pre school.

Wakeoff · 02/10/2020 08:05

I don't think it's unreasonable at all, I do agree with a PP though that this time of year, especially with Covid I'd be a bit loathe to, as it's annoying enough having to pay fees when they're not able to go in as they're ill- let alone when technically you don't have to. In the spring though a million percent would.

DueNumberTwo · 02/10/2020 08:12

I was made redundant at the end of my mat leave with ds. We put him into nursery 2 mornings a week when he was 12mo (he'd then nap for 2 hours after getting home).
This meant we could keep a nursery place should I see a suitable job, I could spend time job hunting, doing housework or having any appointments for myself (hair, nails, doctors etc).
It was just as well we did keep the nursery placs as I broke my ankle very badly when he was 16mo and we needed all the childcare help we could muster as i couldn't weight bear for months and was at hospital / physio a lot.
I went back to work part time the month after ds turned 2 which was a strange transition after being off for so long but at least I didn't have to worry about settling him into nursery too so it all worked out well.

Blulorry · 02/10/2020 08:14

@ParisianLady

I had mine in part time childcare whilst I was a SAHM. Pretty much every SAHM I know has done this.

The way I saw it was that I was a happier person and better mum with some time to myself. Even if I was just cleaning, or watching Netflix whilst ironing.

And they were happy playing and getting some interaction too. Always smiling faces at pick up.

Win win

I agree. Happy mum happy baby.

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