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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

School Bully still upsets me - AIBU

10 replies

Vanillaplant · 30/09/2020 23:06

I was never a popular child at primary school, but until second year Juniors (or Y4!) kids occasionally talked to me. Then a new boy started. For some reason he took an instant dislike to me, and started pointing out that I “walked funny” and my nails were too long. He gave me a nickname and within days everyone was calling me it - and no-one would play with me. I spent the next two years as a punchbag (verbal and literal), and this only stopped because I chose to go to a school that the majority of my classmates didn’t.

Over the years I’d only seen 2 people from that class, one apologised and said we were just kids, one didn’t remember and was horrified when I told him how much it had affected me.

Fast forward 40 years, I went to the pub, was having a drink with hubby and heard that name - oh look who it is - . And there he was. I ignored him and left when we had finished our drinks.

Last week, first time in months, I went for a quick drink with a friend. Walked into the pub and heard - oh look who is here . I was horrified to find out my friend knows him and that she thinks I was overreacting when I asked to go elsewhere. She did tell him to shut up eventually.

I’m not deliberately holding a grudge but I genuinely feel sick when I see him, and I’ve been a mess since that meeting. My best friend died recently and I lost my job the following week.

My friend wants to meet up in the same pub. AIBU to refuse even if it was 40 years ago?

OP posts:
LaurieFairyCake · 30/09/2020 23:07

How did he treat you now? Was he friendly/polite? Did he say anything to acknowledge his behaviour?

Vanillaplant · 30/09/2020 23:10

He called me the nickname, loudly in front of my friend, laughed and then ignored me

OP posts:
LaurieFairyCake · 30/09/2020 23:12

How awful Sad

No, I wouldn't be in his company again. And I'd be wondering why your friend didn't acknowledge his behaviour

jay55 · 30/09/2020 23:13

He's clearly still a vile cunt and your friend is a dick for not being supportive.

Scautish · 30/09/2020 23:13

No you are not unreasonable. Doesn’t matter that it was 40 years ago- these memories stick. I think it’s perfectly reasonable not to want to go to same pub and it completely unreasonable for anyone to say you are overreacting- all that means is that they are minimising how you felt - and still feel - and that their convenience matters more.

Bullies are hideous and they should know that their behaviour has long term consequences. I’m sorry you went through this. It’s shit.

Smellbellina · 30/09/2020 23:14

I think you should tell him to fuck off. It’s like a boil you need to lance.

nevernotstruggling · 30/09/2020 23:17

Yanbu in any way. You need to have strong words with your friend too x

Skyecat · 30/09/2020 23:18

So he is still calling you the same 'nickname'. He sounds pathetic. You did the right thing by ignoring him. He probably still craves attention the same way he did as a schoolboy bully.

YANBU for not wanting to go to that pub. It sounds like the bullying had a big impact on you though. Have you ever had counselling about it? It could help you come to terms with it and enable you to deal with any negative emotions that arise from further encounters with him.

Scautish · 30/09/2020 23:19

@Smellbellina - bad advice - that’s clearly the reaction he is looking for - especially if he is with his mates. OP don’t give him the reaction he is craving.

TerryChoc · 30/09/2020 23:26

Sorry but what an immature bellend. To 40 years later call you the same nickname! And to announce it the way he did shows more about them than it does you. It is hard to push past these things, childhood is your foundation in life but try be assured if he’s still acting like that then he hasn’t got very far in life.
If you were my friend it would be no questions asked. Don’t want to go to that pub? No problems, we will go elsewhere.

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