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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Having a favourite?

23 replies

MostTacticalNameChange · 30/09/2020 21:47

I feel this has been the case with my mum (my eldest sibling was the fav), my grandmothers and my 4 best friends' parents.

My DC is an only so I cannot comprehend what it's like having more. I'd love to think I could and I would be equal but I won't ever find out and cannot imagine loving anyone more than my one DC.

Is there anything in this? Are favourites inevitable?

It has done me considerable damage :(

OP posts:

BackforGood · 30/09/2020 23:24

Of course it isn't inevitable.
I am one of 4 and my parents didn't have favourites.
dh is one of 3 and his parents don't have favourites
We have 3 dc and no favourites.

I could say the same for family after family after family.

Tillygetsit · 30/09/2020 23:44

Both my older kids think the other is the favourite so I must be doing very well or very badly!
My mum has a favourite. It's my dh. She doesnt think much of her own children.

LouiseTrees · 01/10/2020 00:46

I always thought the youngest boy was generally the favourite but I think that’s because me and my DH are eldest children and have younger brothers who were clearly favoured.

Dementedswan · 01/10/2020 00:50

I love my DC equally, however on a day to day basis I may have a favourite if one of them is pushing my buttons .. they tend to take turns or both of them do no seriously... my siblings and i were never treat any different, both equally rewarded, both had own hobbies which they fully supported. I treat my DC the same

LUZON · 01/10/2020 00:56

I don’t have a favourite. I worried before I had kids that I might but I honestly don’t. My kids are very different so I’d say I was closer to some than others (in that I hang out with them more) but that doesn’t mean I love them any more or less.

My husbands family have a tradition of having favourites. I think it’s nasty.

anorangeaday · 01/10/2020 00:57

I have a boy and girl, I in no way have a favourite. I

WetdreamBeliever · 01/10/2020 01:02

Most siblings think that another is 'the favourite'. As an adult it shouldn't bother you at all. I suspect that you're overthinking your upbringing.

Kanaloa · 01/10/2020 01:03

I don’t think it’s inevitable. Like everyone else, some children’s personalities might gel better with yours than others but most parents (I think) would love all their children the same.

The nastiness comes in obviously favouring one child over the others. I always thought if I had one child I got along with better I would just force myself not to show it in front of them/their siblings and treat them all equally.

Luckily it hasn’t been an issue for me. One of mine is less favoured by family though. I do understand to an extent because he is a lot more challenging but it can be quite upsetting.

waitrosetrollydolly · 01/10/2020 01:07

With my own children I personally didn't have a favourite. But in my grandchildren, I see my granddaughter is the image of my Son in law and my grandson is the image of my daughter so sometimes I catch myself favouring him over the his sister, which I hastily even up. I guess that's because I don't particularly love my son in law, as I love my daughter. But as the little ones grow into their own little people more ( they are both very young and only a year apart) hopefully I'll see them as just them and it will naturally be a totally even adoration. And don't get me wrong I love them both very much. I'm probably not explaining it very well. One evokes memories of my own child more than the other, probably explains it better ?!?

MadameBlobby · 01/10/2020 01:07

I hand on heart don’t, but I have to be honest, sometimes I’ve had to work at that

DS1 is the perfect child in every way and a dream to bring up and DS2 is autistic and hard work. It would be so easy to focus on my perfect boy but I don’t. The result is my eldest thinks his wee brother is the favourite, but we do need to fight his corner and protect him more than the eldest. But truly I don’t have a favourite x

Pixxie7 · 01/10/2020 01:20

I think most children at some stage think their siblings are the favourite but I think on the whole each child is loved differently but the same dependant on their individuality.

BiblioX · 01/10/2020 06:11

The love for one isn’t reduced by loving another. I adore all my children. Some days I like one more than another but definitely no favourites.

Porridgeoat · 01/10/2020 06:17

I have 4 and no favourites
They are all loved as much as the next but treated according to need and personality

Fedupoftheworld · 01/10/2020 07:47

I don’t have favourites. I love mine equally but for different reasons. I think everyone thinks their sibling is favoured over them, usually wearing rose tinted glasses when they do though.

elQuintoConyo · 01/10/2020 08:01

I have one sibling, she is the favourite.
I have one son, she has two DC (one of each), her son is the favourite grandchild.
It's nauseating.
We all live in different countries, so it doesn't affect me on a day to day basis, but at times it stings.
I have a strong marriage and good friends, so I don't rely on my parents for emotional support.

Charleyhorses · 01/10/2020 12:02

Lol. I have 3. They all think they are the favourite!

SisyphusAndTheRockOfUntidiness · 01/10/2020 12:08

I was my father's favourite but he's an arsehole so it wasn't really a good thing. My mother has always favoured my sister.

AngelicInnocent · 01/10/2020 12:09

I have a favourite son and favourite daughter, and tell them that frequently, but I only have 2 children, 1 of each, so it's allowed.

Howmanysleepsnow · 01/10/2020 12:14

I don’t have a favourite, but each of my 4dc insist i do... and they each think it’s them!

DorotheaHomeAlone · 01/10/2020 12:35

I have 3 and definitely no favourite. I love them all fiercely and equally though they are very different. My DM has no favourites either although I can see some of the relationships are easier than others.

My mil has a clear favourite and least favourite out of her 3 and I can see the damage it’s done now they are all adults. She also has a less favoured dgc and it makes me hate her a little to see her ignore him for his cousins.

Luckily all 3 of my kids are amazing but if I ever felt I was more Of less drawn to one I’d do everything in my power to hide it and to reconnect with the trickier child. Every child deserves to feel lovable and loved.

Wakemeupwhenthisisover · 01/10/2020 12:40

I couldn’t and don’t have a favourite. You love them for different things and in different ways but I don’t love/like one more than the other.

Tlollj · 01/10/2020 12:45

I’m my mum's favourite. My dd is the favourite grandchild and now my dgd is the favourite great grandchild.
It doesn’t do anyone any favours the favourite or the other members of the family.
It’s a good thing me and my sister don’t take it to heart.

BackforGood · 01/10/2020 22:33

Most siblings think that another is 'the favourite'.

Absolutely. My (older) brother will tell you how hard done by he was, whilst we think he was spoilt in other ways, My (younger) sister was spoilt in many ways but she will tell you the downsides of being the youngest. I will tell you the downsides of being a middle one.

Lol. I have 3. They all think they are the favourite!

Well, quite. dd1 made a whatsApp group to discuss something with me and her Dad recently, and naturally called it 'Parents and Favourite Child' .......... in a lighthearted way, that stuff goes on all the time

I couldn’t and don’t have a favourite. You love them for different things and in different ways but I don’t love/like one more than the other.

I agree with this too. When one of them makes me a cuppa, then that one is my favourite for a while, then when one of them says they'll pick me up from a night out or a lunch that involves wine, that one becomes favourite for a while

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