To feel like I’m too old to meet someone and improve my life

[Coldnights]

I’m 25 but have had significant mental health problems since my teens. Most of my Friends are settled down in long term relationships and buying houses.i still live with my parents due to the fact I was unable to work for a number of years. I now work part time in a supermarket. I always dreamed of going to university but didn’t go due to mental health. I have three a levels so I guess I could go but again feel too old.

You aren’t too old for university. Knowledge is power. Start looking at coarses and see what you’d like to do. Once you start looking, speak to some on them and see if you can join. The more research you do the more likely you are to do it.

Second... if you haven’t found the love of your life then neither has he! He’s waiting for you!! You just need to go look.

I went to university at 37 and qualified as a nurse at 40, I hadn't even had my first child at 25.

YABU. From the point of view of everyone in their 30s, 40s, 50s, 60s... you are ridiculously young and have your whole life ahead of you. So follow your dreams.

I know it probably sounds ridiculous but my peers just seem so far ahead in life than me.

I read the title and thought you’d be 40-45 and I’d still say you have time!

You are so young!!

I went back into full time education at 25...you are still so young!

I'm now rebuilding my life at 45 following a divorce.

Age is just a number, promise!

You're talking like you're 55, not 25! Time is all relative - not everyone is powering through life in the fast lane. Some people make an early start, but will have issues later, e.g. getting divorced, changing careers, etc.

This said, if you feel like this, it shows that the time to act is now. Apply to uni if that's what you really want, and do it without delay. You won't be a spring chicken there, but lots of unis have mixed intake these days. Good luck.

You need to stop comparing yourself. Some of those relationships will break up or be unhappy. Some of those people will face illness, or unemployment, or debt. Some will end up having a career change and starting from scratch.

Also, there are many people in the similar situations to you, even if you don't see any immediate friendship group.

Life isn't a straight path - it's a tough to learn that lesson earlier than your peers, but overcoming adversity can make you wiser.

Look at the Open University for course ideas. You can then still work part time plus study part time (or full time if you can). It's never, ever too late. The OU has students of all ages. Some courses have a February start too.

You also only know the people you know. There are plenty of us out there who didn't meet their partner before they were 30. Or 40. Or older.

It feels like they've overtaken you, but that's because you're looking at life as a line. A straight line, in reality it's a curly, windy, squiggly line that also doubles back on itself. So you don't get anywhere by comparing. x

Your confidence has been knocked,which is understandable. But you're so, so young, you have plenty of time to turn it around.You can study most things at University now via distance learning online ( less daunting in my opinion) & get a Govt study loan that doesn't have to be paid back until you are earning £25k. (Gov.uk). From experience, with depression, treading water in limbo will be making you feel worse. Action will help you feel positive & motivated. Get online & look at some courses ,just that tiny step will be a hurdle you've overcome& the next steps will seem easier & easier. I've retrained in middle age & the fear I'd fail was huge,but I haven't. It's never to late.

You aren’t limited by your age but you may be by your MH difficulties. Do you have access to social care support? If so might be an idea to talk it through with them / national careers service before you make plans. With some conditions you need to really manage the pressure otherwise things will get worse.

@IamTomHanks

That's just bloody rude. She comes along and tells us she's got mental health problems, and that's how you reply? Fuck me.

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OP, the only thing stopping you is you. It's not too late to go to uni, it's not too late to meet someone. You're 25 years old. You have decades in front of you to get to where you need to be, and there's not an age limit on how long you have to get there.

If you want to go to uni, do it. It's another side of life that I found incredibly enjoyable. I'd go back in an instant if I could, honestly, and I'm 30 now.

I only moved out of my mum's house when I was 27.

The worst thing you can ever do is compare yourself to other people. There's no point.

The years ahead of you will pass whether you stay as you are or whether you try to follow your dreams. I know which I'd rather do..

You are absolutely not too old for any of that.

I'm thirty eight and have had severe mental health problems since I was a teenager.

In the past year I've quit opiate pain relief after fifteen years, quit caffeine and fizzy, lost five stone, gotten fitter and next I intend to go back into education and hopefully find a job after being out of employment for thirteen years. Maybe even have a relationship.

Twenty-five is nothing. And don't fall into the mental health trap of limiting yourself because you are unwell, I did for years and what I'm learning is the less I do, the less I want to do and the worse I feel. The more I do, the more I want to do, and the better I feel. Having goals and targets are massively improving my mental health.

I got married the first time round at 21, divorced aged 37.

I took an OU management course when I was 36 years old, got a fantastic job on the back of it, met my now DH aged 39, married again at 41 and had our DS when I was 44.

Life is for the taking!

Thank you for all the kind replies.

Op you have your whole life ahead of you! Look into the ou, you can still work whilst you study. I’m nearly 35, a newly single mum and suffer with depression. I feel like I’m starting out all over again and I’ve got a decade on you!

I had a guess at how old you’d be before I opened the thread. 30? 40? 50? 70?

My answer would have been the same for all four: you have plenty of life to live and plenty of love to give.

At 25?! The world is your oyster.

Life isn't a race OP - if it were, the first to die would've won!

Don't judge yourself by what others are doing - focus on your life and goals and what you want to do. You're definitely not too old at 25 to go to uni, to meet someone, to change your life or anything else.

It may feel like it because of your peers, but trust me, 25 is not old to start figuring things out. Who wants to already be tied down with kids and a mortgage in their 20s?! You have the rest of your life for that. Also, a lot of people retrain or start over in their 30s. 25 is nothing. Enjoy your time figuring things out.

I changed my career when I was in my late 30's. I've done two training courses since then and now in my 40's. There are apprentiships and learner loans for courses in a lot of areas of work so even if you didn't want to go to university there are other ways to gain useful qualifications.

There is no rush. Think about what you'd enjoy doing, save as much as you can if you are living with your parents so that you can make some of those big decisions, such as buying a house, when the time is right.

I still feel behind my peers and I'm in my 40's - I don't have my own house and I don't have a high paid career but I do have my family and my friends and a job I enjoy and enough money to pay my bills and go on holiday. I don't have a partner now but do have my children. My life isn't the same as my friends, in some ways it is better, in some ways it is worse, but it's mine and I do what I can to make the most of it.

At 25 you are not much older than my eldest child, there is a whole world out there waiting. I'd say don't jump into the big stuff, go and enjoy the freedom and everything will slot into place over time.

I thought you were going to say you were about 75. It's never to late and you are still very young.

I was massively depressed and anxious when I was 25. Had treatment and medication. I got a new job at 26 and my life began, made loads of new friends, met my joe husband there at work and we’ve since had 2 children. I am now 35. I felt the same as you 10 years ago - please know it’s not true - go to uni x

Just chiming in here in agreement that you are definitely not too old at 25. For basically anything

You have loads of time! It is really positive that you are working part time - if you can manage that I would think you will definitely manage turning up for your schedule in a university course. And you say you have A levels under your belt. So if your dream is to go to uni, I think you're well positioned to start making that dream a reality

Allow yourself to feel excited - and sure, maybe a bit nervous too! Big changes can be a mixture of exciting and a little scary and that's ok.

What kinds of courses draw your interest?

I went to uni when I was about your age and had a great time. Just be careful where you live - it can be better to be in with post grad students or other mature students, rather than in with 18 year olds. Why not apply for next year? What do you fancy studying?