Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be unsure of the etiquette?

22 replies

Ohtherewearethen · 30/09/2020 15:40

Friends of ours had to cancel their wedding due to covid. A few weeks ago they went ahead and had a tiny, secret wedding. We are all thrilled for them as it was very disappointing for them to cancel, as many, many others will no doubt know. They are hoping to have a big party next year to celebrate the wedding. My question is, what would people do regarding gifts? I've got them a card but I'm not sure whether to send a gift (it will be money) now, or whether to do it at the party (assuming it goes ahead)? What would you do? I'm not sure of the etiquette here. I've asked some friends and they're also unsure it seems. I would appreciate any thoughts.
YABU - send money with card now
YANBU - take money to party next year

OP posts:
SunshineOnATrainToday · 30/09/2020 15:41

I would send it now with a card.

PaulinePetrovaPosey · 30/09/2020 15:43

I'd send an actual present now, but not money. I find friends giving each other money for weddings odd at the best of times though, so that might just be me.

CSIblonde · 30/09/2020 15:44

I'd send it now ,with a card, as the wedding 'proper,' is now. The party next year isn't the wedding itself. It's the celebrating afterward bit that's been denied them due to Covid.

scrivette · 30/09/2020 15:46

I would send it now with a card and when they have the party take a bottle of wine.

contrmary · 30/09/2020 15:46

Hold off and wait for the celebration next year.

Londonmummy66 · 30/09/2020 15:54

The gift is a gift for the marriage not a thank you for inviting them to the party. So the etiquette is that it should be sent now in the same way as you would send a gift now if the weeding had gone ahead and you had been unable to attend.

Also it must be pretty horrid for them to have had to compromise on the wedding so being able to spend it on something they want would be nice.

When you go to the party you don't need to take another gift - just write them a nice thank you letter afterwards.

Ifailed · 30/09/2020 15:56

hold fire, they may well be getting divorced by the time the party is on.

Original poster
Ohtherewearethen · 30/09/2020 16:01

@Londonmummy66 - this is exactly what I think. You don't give a gift in exchange for being invited to the wedding, it's a gift to wish them well in their married life. I don't know if they will treat the party as a kind of wedding-like event, where we all dress up and kind of pretend it's the real thing, that's the impression I got though.

OP posts:
2bazookas · 30/09/2020 16:08

I'd send them a case of some nice wine with a congratulations on your wedding card. If they don't like wine they can save it for the big party.

heymacaroner · 30/09/2020 16:11

I would send a card and a bottle of something, if anything. So many wedding traditions have been discarded this year, it's just too weird to have to post a set of plates or something equally wedding gift esque and I bet they would feel a bit awkward given they have in effect uninvited you (even though obviously, everyone understands why!)

lyralalala · 30/09/2020 16:22

I’d send the gift and card now. It’s a gift for their wedding and they’ve had their wedding. Plus they’ve missed out on lots of their plans so opening cards and knowing that people are happy for them will be nice

FinallyHere · 30/09/2020 16:22

A fancy bottle and a card is a perfect present. Shows them you are thinking of them. Gives them the opportunity to raise a glass themselves. Some couples will invite you to dinner (if possible) to drink it together. All good.

RepeatSwan · 30/09/2020 16:25

I would send a gift now

whatamessthiswas · 30/09/2020 16:25

Send gift and card now, suggest an afternoon tea or dinner to celebrate just you, partner and them.

theemmadilemma · 30/09/2020 16:26

I'd be bold and message them!

"Heard the news, congratulations! I have a gift here I got for the original wedding date, should I post it on now or wait until the party?"

Original poster
Ohtherewearethen · 30/09/2020 16:35

@theemmadilemma - she sent us all photos from the day and even apologised for us not being there for it! Of course we completely understand and are thrilled for them but I know if we mention gifts they would say not to, so I feel asking them wouldn't solve the dilemma unfortunately.

OP posts:
Starlight39 · 30/09/2020 16:37

Send it now with a card and give them a bottle of bubbly (or something else you know they like) at their party.

theemmadilemma · 30/09/2020 16:39

In that case post it now safe in the knowledge when it comes to the party they won't shame you for not turning up with another!

BlueJay99 · 30/09/2020 16:41

Gift to be given at the party.

As you are invited to a party - you bring a gift.

My friend recently got married 'officially' without any of the party bit. I popped a box of chocolates round with a card but will be waiting to give her a proper present at the party next year (cash).

Shoppingwithmother · 30/09/2020 16:57

Definitely send it now - it’s a gift to celebrate their marriage, and they are married!

Also if they’ve missed out on their big day and other people are waiting until the party (which may or may not happen next year) I’m sure they will appreciate your gift all the more now.

Original poster
Ohtherewearethen · 30/09/2020 20:19

Thank you very much for your responses, it's a bit of a mixed bag it seems!

OP posts:
DollyDoneMore · 30/09/2020 20:21

There is no Covid wedding etiquette. Just be nice.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page