Complex trauma? If you're euphemistically referring to abuse/emotional neglect by your mum. A lot of the social/relational difficulties caused by complex trauma manifest very similarly to autism.
Second guessing and anxious because you struggle to feel safe with people, have had lots of experiences of people being unreliable/unpredictable, needing to appease them and give them what they want, having to put yourself last...
So you overread "warning signs", only they're not actually warning signs in people you meet now. Which makes it difficult to understand them and relate to them.
Trying to make people like you with the performance, over chatting etc...
Self hatred... (shame?)
Having had your boundaries ignored in the past and not feeling you have the right to assert them now, or struggling to know what boundaries to have...
Struggling to form connections and relate to others... often because you're disconnected from yourself or still in a threat state which means the part of your brain you need for relationships is offline. Plus untraumatised people are operating with a different relational framework to the one you grew up with, which also makes it hard to feel you're on the same wavelength.
Honestly, with the context it sounds like a pretty stand set of trauma difficulties.
Have you ever read Judith Herman's Trauma and Recovery? It explains how children are affected by abuse/emotional neglect/difficult home environments and how it affects their experience of the world and relationships as adults.
Might be worth a browse to see if anything resonates? Sometimes just being able to make sense of our experiences can be soothing. (A little like you found with your realisation in therapy already).