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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To give up on other people

22 replies

thegreenlight · 30/09/2020 15:36

I find other people hard. I always feel like an alien that has crash landed and is trying to make sense of everything. I second guess everything I say and walk away from the majority of interactions hating myself. From the outside everyone thinks that I am very confident and the life and soul but it’s exhausting. I wouldn’t say I have any ‘friends’ because I struggle to maintain relationships, they take too much energy and I am always second guessing what they think about me and whether I have upset them. I have an amazing relationship with DH who I’ve been with since we were 15. He is the only person I am truly myself with. Recent therapy has made me realise that this is the relationship I should be putting energy into as it is the one I find most rewarding. I’ve tried to be a normal person - is it ok to just give up now and avoid everyone else in the world?

OP posts:
RednaxelasLunch · 30/09/2020 15:38

Of course. Nothing wrong with being a bit quirky. If it helps, most other people are too busy worrying about their own fear of making a mistake, to give you a second thought.

BringPizza · 30/09/2020 15:39

In the nicest possible way (and only because this was the case with me) is there something missing from your life that leads you to obsess over what people think about you after a conversation? What has your therapist had to say about it, other than focus on your romantic relationship?

thegreenlight · 30/09/2020 15:57

I have a bit of a difficult relationship with my mum - very much FOG. I didn’t realise until I was an adult and a falling out between us led to me getting therapy. I never feel good enough and overthink everything. From purchases to interactions with others. I am terrified of getting things wrong or making mistakes. I would hate to think that someone doesn’t like me and so I try to be the person I think they want me to be. I’m trying to find who ‘I’ am. DH seems to love me and like me (we are the best of friends) regardless.

OP posts:
Eckhart · 30/09/2020 16:02

I would give up second guessing, rather than giving up people. If you feel good around someone, spend more time with them. If you find yourself questioning, then make a distance.

In the end, the second guessing is unnecessary, because it doesn't matter why people do what they do. It only matters how you feel when they do it.

thegreenlight · 30/09/2020 16:04

I wish I could give up the second guessing and self hatred but it’s so much a part of me, it’s easier to just avoid situations where I might feel it.

OP posts:
thegreenlight · 30/09/2020 16:04

Being around people doesn’t feel good, it feels exhausting.

OP posts:
Persephoned · 30/09/2020 16:08

I think you need to re-evaluate what you think of as ‘normal’ OP. It could be that you are extremely special and different, or it could be that many others feel the way you do too. But ultimately, no of course you’re not unreasonable to spend time with people who make you feel unhappy. You’ve only got one life so do what you feel comfortable with!

Persephoned · 30/09/2020 16:09

not want to spend time Blush

Eckhart · 30/09/2020 16:34

Being around people doesn’t feel good, it feels exhausting

Oh gosh. Then stop, of course. Keep in mind that any decision you make now doesn't have to be forever. You might change your mind tomorrow, or you may never.

Your life is your own!

Anordinarymum · 30/09/2020 16:38

Stop beating yourself up. I'm a bit like you and I know why. I know I feel sort of different, and because I do I overcompensate for it by being a little bit too chatty, and then I feel crap afterwards.

My bloke says I am eccentric. I have little quirks such as counting everything. I can't help it. It drove my children mad when they were growing up, but I suspect it helped them learning to count.... shudders at the thought of it now

Just remember you are a special person and there is no-one like you.

Imworthit · 30/09/2020 16:40

I no longer put any effort into any relationship that isn't fulfilling and brings me joy, mutual respect and kindness.

That said be careful of only focusing on your other half. It can become a burden. You can spend to much time and energy on just them and if they leave what then?

If your blessed enough to have a partner it's a good time to drop fake friends/anyone draining but be open to new interactions if there a good fit.

thegreenlight · 30/09/2020 16:55

Anordinarymum totally! The over chattiness too! I just always feel like I have said too much or overshared. I have just exerted boundaries with a friend who always made me feel on uncertain ground. She was very up and down, hot and cold and it was tearing me apart. I hate confrontation but I have ended up crying too many times to carry on. It has made me feel like I don’t really need anyone. DH and I have a lot in common, shared experiences and references and I realised through counselling that I was taking his love for granted and not valuing him because he was ‘in the bag’ and has proven he would always like me regardless of me putting my foot in it. I put my energy into relationships where I had to perform. This is now changing and it’s quite liberating.

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Anordinarymum · 30/09/2020 17:00

Yes, you are not on stage and do not have to perform, but you will always tend to do this. If you know you do, put the brakes on and step away from the victim person you are innocently chatting to and say something like' was nice to meet you' and move on :)

Occasionally you meet someone just like you and realise what you are really like ! I find some people are willing to chat and some people just are not, and the odd one is actually far worse much more sociable than myself and I have to slowly start walking away :)

Throckmorton · 30/09/2020 17:26

Possibly a daft question - have you considered if you are autistic? I feel similar to you, and I'm just starting to wonder if I am. Either way though, it's fine to just be you!

thegreenlight · 30/09/2020 18:07

Throckmorton I hadn’t considered anything like that until my son began to display the same issues, maybe ADD or mild autism. If he does have anything, he got it from me Sad he just doesn’t get people and lacks empathy But tries really hard to act how he thinks others act. I see him struggle the way I always have. I just always thought it was because I’m an awful person.

OP posts:
Debradoyourecall · 30/09/2020 18:31

Have a listen to this podcast www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/play/p08r3k1q - it gives more info on autism and the diagnosis process. It also talks about ‘masking’ in women who are autistic. I have some of the same feelings you do - like second guessing everything I say to people. It is exhausting.

Throckmorton · 30/09/2020 18:36

You're not awful!! Honestly - other people make no bloody sense at all. I don't know if they do to each other, but if they do then there is clearly a key that I don't have. I have spent my life working out how to act in different circumstances and then doing that. If you come across as confident then clearly you've done the same and are good at it. It's fine to allow yourself down time to recover from the mental strain of doing it! Your son sounds like a lovely chap if he is doing his best to fit in. He can learn how to act even if it doesn't come naturally - just teach him the stuff that you already do, and reassure him he's fine as he is - he just needs to keep watching and learning what other people do so that he has an easier path in life. I think the autism society does books on teaching kids how to act in certain scenarios. No idea if they are any good, but I'll hunt out the link.

user15412486546 · 30/09/2020 18:44

Complex trauma? If you're euphemistically referring to abuse/emotional neglect by your mum. A lot of the social/relational difficulties caused by complex trauma manifest very similarly to autism.

Second guessing and anxious because you struggle to feel safe with people, have had lots of experiences of people being unreliable/unpredictable, needing to appease them and give them what they want, having to put yourself last...

So you overread "warning signs", only they're not actually warning signs in people you meet now. Which makes it difficult to understand them and relate to them.

Trying to make people like you with the performance, over chatting etc...

Self hatred... (shame?)

Having had your boundaries ignored in the past and not feeling you have the right to assert them now, or struggling to know what boundaries to have...

Struggling to form connections and relate to others... often because you're disconnected from yourself or still in a threat state which means the part of your brain you need for relationships is offline. Plus untraumatised people are operating with a different relational framework to the one you grew up with, which also makes it hard to feel you're on the same wavelength.

Honestly, with the context it sounds like a pretty stand set of trauma difficulties.

Have you ever read Judith Herman's Trauma and Recovery? It explains how children are affected by abuse/emotional neglect/difficult home environments and how it affects their experience of the world and relationships as adults.

Might be worth a browse to see if anything resonates? Sometimes just being able to make sense of our experiences can be soothing. (A little like you found with your realisation in therapy already).

user15412486546 · 30/09/2020 18:46

I just always thought it was because I’m an awful person.

Oh, and this is the self-view traumatised children tend to grow up with and carry into adulthood... "something bad is happening, it must be my fault, I'm awful".

It's not true you know.

Throckmorton · 30/09/2020 18:49

That's really interesting user15412486546! I think I'll read that too

As to the autism books - can I find the link - can I buggery. Sorry.

Imworthit · 03/10/2020 15:44

@user15412486546

Ahh! The complex trauma thing is definitely me. Very interesting. Old best friend insisted I must be autistic but that never added up right to me. Therapy was definitely needed, first to actually learn boundaries and then to learn to assert them.

DrManhattan · 03/10/2020 16:35

There are probably a number of things going on.
I am an introvert and I find people exhausting but I'm ok with that. I can spend time with people but I need time of my own to recharge.
The second guessing sounds a bit like a hangover from social anxiety. I wouldnt say you had an ASD..
Defo read up on how trauma can impact your life as an adult. Good luck xx

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