To tell my mum not to come over?

[aibumum123]

My mum often pops round in the evenings, day times, we see each other very regularly. I work mornings and evenings, from 9.30am - 2pm then again from 3.30pm - 7.30pm. I have a one hour break in the day where I eat lunch and have time to myself before I have to collect my DC from school.

My mum just rang asking if I'd like for her to pop over before she goes to my sister's house for the evening. I told her politely that I quite like this hour to myself to eat lunch, have some peace and quiet and get ready for my shift and collecting the children shortly. I told her that I was going to invite her round for dinner tonight but as she already has plans with my sister, I will see her tomorrow. The phone was silent and I continued to repeat 'hello' until it hung up. I then tried to call her back 4 times. I then rang my sister to ask if she had heard from our mum and apparently she is very upset with what I said and that I don't want to see her.

My mum can be quite difficult at times and get very emotional over things. I feel absolutely rotten now. AIBU?

YANBU. It's perfectly okay to want to have some time to yourself.

Why do you feel rotten? You know your mums being ridiculous. I’d tell her to stop being so silly, you only wanted an hour to yourself to unwind

I voted YABU for immediately calling her back 4 times and then ringing your sister over your mother being a drama queen. There’s no need to feed into her dramatics

She has always been this way. She can get very upset over the smallest of issues. I've tried to call her again and she has rejected my call, now I know she will be telling my sister all about how awful I am and won't speak to me for a period of time.

She sounds like a knob. In future just say 'I can't today, I have plans'. End

If she won't talk to you, just enjoy the peace and quiet. I know that's easier said than done but really, no-one needs this sort of drama over nothing.

Enjoy the peace and quiet while she has her hissy fit then over a perfectly reasonable request. She's being a drama queen, don't feed her ego.

It's probably the "peace & quiet" that got her but you are perfectly entitled to that time. She sounds easily offended.

Don’t cave in to the emotional blackmail. She needs to grow up. You are quite entitled to at least one hour to yourself.

So she is now punishing you with silent treatment for needing an hour to yourself? Let her sulk, the break will be nice. I have seen this sort of behaviour shown towards my own DM by my GM and I'm always telling my DM to ignore.

and won't speak to me for a period of time

Sounds perfect!! I can't stand adults who sulk like that. It was a non issue until she made it one. Enjoy your peace and quiet

I know it's okay to spend an hour to myself, she just won't see it that way. To her it will be a rejection of her company and she will take it very personally.

Well at least you’ve got some peace now. Don’t let yourself feel bad about her being a tit. I’d actually call her out on her silly behaviour the next time she graces you with her presence. Start laying down some ground rules. And never mind what anything else thinks. I’m sure they know her well enough to see that this is her own doing

You need to stop calling her and acting like you were wrong. At the moment she is in a win win situation, you say yes and she gets to call, you say no and she gets the attention from you and your sister. She's happy either way as she is getting attention. Don't feed her with drama

Ditch the guilt. You do know that your Mum is manipulating you into doing what she wants and is pissed off that you haven't complied. Maybe you have previously always fallen into line and changing that pattern will be very 'uncomfortable' for your Mum who is used to having her own way by riding roughshod over your needs. She won't sulk for ever and is she does, so much the better; more peace for you.

She sounds very selfish and self-absorbed, and if she doesn't get her way, she sulks and dobs on you to sister to make you feel bad. What does your sister think about her behaviour? Maybe your sister could have a word with her and try to make her see reason.

OP - mine was the same - massively over sensitive and clingy/suffocating.

Thankfully I didn't live in the same town or even country as her.

She pushed everyone away that was close to her with her excessive demands - I could write a book, but one that sticks in my mind is demanding I get on a plane to help her do something trivial when I was 36 weeks pregnant.

Oh - and my sister (who also lived away) organised the whole of Christmas shopping to be delivered and she freaked out - called DSIS demanding her to get on a train (1.30 hrs) to the airport for a flight to put away the groceries.

These are extreme examples and to be fair within a year she was diagnosed with dementia, however she was a percentage of this all our lives.

Very, very tough.

x