Being fed up with my ex!

[Notlong2go]

Please tell me how any of you cope with arrogant, narcissistic ex’s who you have to have some contact with because of children?

I am so sick of the way he talks to me whenever he doesn’t like something. Today for example when he picked up our son. He had gone down for his nap and I’m heavily pregnant and tired so I nap with him. He wasn’t dressed when he came so that was a reason for him to kick off.
Told me I’m lazy for being asleep with him, when I explained that I am heavily pregnant and take care of my children alone, his response was “not my problem, that’s yours so sort it out”.
Guess I’m just wanting to vent because honestly I’m so fed up of his attitude towards me when he does whatever he likes and only has our son a couple of hours a week yet criticizes me.

Does he pick him up at your house?

Next time, you drop your son of at your ex's house, then make a suitably rude comment about something of his you find distasteful.

@Princessbanana yes he does but is not very reliable with times.

@contrmary he doesn’t even have his own place. And honestly there are so many things I would love to say to him but I try to bite my tongue.

You should have had your kid dressed before your ex was due. That was really wrong and disrespectful to him

@Leaannb he knows what time he goes down for a nap and he is rarely on time, so if my sons asleep I don’t really want to be disturbing him so he can wait around for his dad incase it’s “disrespectful to him” he doesn’t let me know when he’s coming. Doesn’t communicate with me.

@Leaannb

You should have had your kid dressed before your ex was due. That was really wrong and disrespectful to him

Yes because OP must always demonstrate a level of respect that isn't shown to her 🙄

@KinkyFink...MYbe if she showed respect having the child ready instead of being in bed she would get respect. If she had the kid ready then he would have had no cause to complain. He didn't randomly pop by. It was a scheduled visitation and instead of having the kid ready she was in bed. Its not his problem she is pregnant. That jas nothing to do with him.

[quote Leaannb]@KinkyFink...MYbe if she showed respect having the child ready instead of being in bed she would get respect. If she had the kid ready then he would have had no cause to complain. He didn't randomly pop by. It was a scheduled visitation and instead of having the kid ready she was in bed. Its not his problem she is pregnant. That jas nothing to do with him.[/quote]
It's not a problem. It's a reason. Everyone has had a nap that overran before. It's easily done, especially when pregnant. Stop being ridiculous. She didn't deserve to be given grief, especially if it's not a frequent thing.

@Leaannb I beg to differ seeing as he is the one who got me pregnant 😂
And as I said before, he isn’t reliable with his time keeping and doesn’t let me know when he will be coming.

Ignore @Leaannb as she's obviously peeved at someone else and looking for a reaction or fight with someone on here 🙄
You obviously know your ex's traits. I would set a time for after your sons nap. Good luck with the pregnancy ❤️

@Leaannb

You should have had your kid dressed before your ex was due. That was really wrong and disrespectful to him

It’s really not wrong or disrespectful especially if she’s heavily pregnant and juggling solo childcare for the majority of the time, especially if he’s reasonably unreliable as well. He should be more respectful of what she’s juggling, and just offer to help get him ready. It’s not a big deal in the gran scheme of things.

And tbf it’s not just this. He will kick off about anything and everything. I’m in a lot of pain also and haven’t been sleeping which is even more so why I had a nap and with a 13 month old to take care of I get tired along with being anemic. So yes I get tired but, if he would let me know when he is coming rather than just turn up I could have had him ready

@Notlong2go

And tbf it’s not just this. He will kick off about anything and everything. I’m in a lot of pain also and haven’t been sleeping which is even more so why I had a nap and with a 13 month old to take care of I get tired along with being anemic. So yes I get tired but, if he would let me know when he is coming rather than just turn up I could have had him ready

Please don't even explain yourself! You are pregnant with HIS child so it's fully his 'problem'. He sounds like an utter prick, sorry OP.

Has he always been an arsehole or is this new?

Make him wait on the doorstep and just don't discuss anything with him. Literally shut the door in his face. You don't have top it up with his abuse anymore.

If it carries on tell him he will have to use a contact centre.

I take it with his ad-hoc approach to collecting his son that there’s no court order in place?
Maybe this is something to consider?
Also (and not connected) I hope he’s paying regular, meaningful maintenance?

@FelicityPike I have to chase him up for maintenance recently.

Hands up if you know who had wasps for lunch? Yep, @Leaannb.
OP your ex is just looking for anything he can find to complain about. You could exhaust yourself trying to make sure you do everything in your power to eliminate any cause for complaint but he'd still find something so honestly just don't bother. If he says anything just reply with something like, well, you don't pay child support, so... Or, well, you're not reliable so... What a twat.

Just got to CMS for maintenance!

YANBU OP he sounds like a right dick atleast you are not still with him. Hope he steps up and starts respecting you.

Thank you everybody and @RandomMess, I have got CMS on him

Have you got a door chain? Please get one and start using it.

Always smile super sweetly whenever you speak to him and uses little phrases in response to his digs

"You forgot to say thank you for me getting DS ready with zero notice"

If he really messes you around with contact if he's more than 10 mins late (whatever you find reasonable with local traffic etc) just go out with DS.

Stick to written contact only

"Oh I assumed you weren't bothering again like the other week when you never informed me"

Always polite, always reasonable...

@RandomMess I’ll take that advice and try it next time.

@Leaannb

You should have had your kid dressed before your ex was due. That was really wrong and disrespectful to him

Gosh what an odd attitude.