To be upset that dd1 was not invited to a party because...

[Marne]

Her key worker at nursery told the mother of the child having the party not to invite dd1 as she does'nt like being apart from her mother?

I was waiting outside nursery today and was talking to one of the mums, she told me she asked the key worker who she thought she should/should'nt invite to her dd's party, she told me she was told not to invite my dd as she would'nt be happy being apart from her mum.

I have had a few problems with dd, she suffers from anxiety and has been seeing doctors etc, the nursery know of her problems but i don't think its their place to say if she can go to a party or not.
Dd1 crys evry morning when i leeve her at nursery but is fine once i have gone.

I think dd would have loved to have gone to the party and it would have done her good as the doctor has advised she mies as much as she can to help her with her anxiety.

Just anoyed that they did'nt ask me first

[mad] Out of order!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dd is a very sensitive child but people doing things like this is'nt helping. I hav'nt got many friends with children so she does'nt mix apart from at nursery.

She's well behaved (apart from crying at evrything)

How did you find out ? Presumably the mother asked key worker's advice, I can't imagine circumstances in which it would have been volunteered, so expressed an opinion which perhaps reinforced her doubts anyway ? Still the mother's prerogative to choose, if she'd felt more strongly she would have spoken to you herself. Not unreasonable to feel hurt for your dd though

Crikey, thats horrid!!
My DD and her friends are 6/7 and I invited the ones SHE chose to her halloween party, one of the parents told me one of the children doesnt like going being away from her so can she come too. So it's sorted now, the mother will come too. I think it is not only ridiculous not to invite a child for such a reason, but disgusting for the nursery to discuss it, in fact I think it is probably against confidentiality thingy ma jiggies.

Marne - totally agree with you. inconsiderate, and insensitive, but wholly misunderstanding the anxiety. if i were you i would privately complain the nursery manager, the KW has no business making a subjective judgement about your child ability to participate in a party and certainly not sharing/discussing her (ill informed) opinion with another mum.

compalin, verbally and in writing it is a breach of confidentiality, and unsubstansiated
opinion. they shared your private business with third party unauthorised

such a shame for you and your wee one

could you maybe throw a small tea party at your home so daughter and nursery chums can participate

Liz read the first post, the mum of the girl having the party told her.

it might be the keyworker thought she was being helpful, rahter than malicious in saying this... but i agree it was your decision to make, and for the other mother to disucss with you.

i;d speak to them and get both sides of the story

or perhaps not actually.

odd - at that age I would not have left my kids at a party on their own anyway - unless they were already good friends with the party thrower.

But - there will be lots of other parties - don't worry too much about it.

The mum just asked the key worker which children did she think would be ok to come.

Most of them started in september so the mother does'nt know most of the children.

My dd has known her dd for a month and a half and plays with the child at nursery.

I am planning a haloween party for dd and may invite the little girl down the road (who does'nt go to her nursery).

I would have stayed at the party if asked, i would'nt mind helping out if asked.

And yes there will be other parties (when she's older)

I don't realy understand why they bother with parties at this age

Ah misread but just hwo did it come up in ocnversation ? The mother obviously asked the KW but to say she was "told" suggests she is hiding behind their opinion when put on the spot. Ultimately it was still her choice.

To me the fact that the KW may have overstepped her remit in discussing your dd is a separate issue which you may well want to flag up to the manager.

I would have a word with the key worker to make sure this doesn't happen again.

oh god, the whole invite to party thing. I would be extremely with the keyworker actually and i think i would have to take it further. It is not her place to make this decision, only you would nkow if DD would have been up for a party and i would assume that you would have been staying with her anyway. I certainly wouldnt want parents to leave unattended preschoolers at my house. Of course, maybe the mother was covering up because she felt embarrased that she didnt ask DD, you cant ask everyone i guess. I would definately raise this issue though.

For some reason my DD1 was invited to very few parties at primary school and it would break my heart when she would come home upset because yet another party was going on without her being invited. I put it down to the fact that i wasnt big on playground gatherings and networking with other mums. So there was another stick with which to beat myself.

if the keyworker has been telling people not to invite certain children then this is out of order, but...

I find it a bit odd that the mother would tell you that someone had told her not to invite your child to her daughter's party? sounds like she's a bit of a stirrer to me tbh.

I would have words with the keyworker and try and establish what, if anything, was said, and would avoid the mother at all costs because it does sound as if she's trying to cause trouble - why would you feel the need to casually tell someone why you weren't inviting their child if not to cause trouble/offence?

I think the party is at a soft play centre.

LIZS-The mother was talking to other parents about the party, i started talking to the mother and she asked the name of my child, i told her dd's name and she told me that she wanted to invite her dd's key group which dd1 is in but the key worker told her it was'nt woth asking if dd1 would like to go as she would'nt like to be away from her mum.

The mother seemed very nice about it,i think if i had said 'oh no dd would be fine' or explained the situation she would of asked us to go, but i was that the key worker had said this to her and just said 'yes dd can get upset'.

Poor excuse!! You assume parents stay anyway at that age. No one in their right mind would host a party at a soft play centre and look after pre-schoolers themselves

am that this mother would be expecting parents not to go with their children to a soft play centre? esp pre-school age children. Having a party in a closed setting is one thing - you can supervise them all and if door is closed they can't get out, but a soft play is a public place and I don't know many people that would leave such young children with someone they don't know at a soft play place.

mother sounds more than a little tactless or plain inconsiderate. On learning you were dd's mum she could have just said , I'd like to invite dd but wondered if she would be happier if you stayed ? She didn't have to give you chapter and verse unless she meant to stir.

I wouldn't have left any of mine on their own at a party when they were nursery age so I don't see the relevance of excluding your dd for the reason given.
I would be having words with the keyworker and asking what she thought she was doing discussing my child with someone else. None of her business and she should have nicely told the other mum so. I would be very annoyed at this.