To be angry with this parent?

[AuntieMeemz]

DS is 13. Next Sat her friend is having a restaraunt meal followed by a sleepover with the 4 guests. As soon as DS told me about it, I knew what would happen, and I wasn't wrong (hours of arguing/criticism etc). Of course DS really wanted to go, so we eventually worked out a compromise. DH and I are older parents, with some risk factors so we and DD,DS have been very careful throughout the pandemic)I really think the mother is off her head to organise such a thing. We know you can't avoid it forever, and there is no such thing as no risk, but really....

I think yabu to be honest. 4 guests is within the rules and I presume they are already in school together each day anyway.
It's also a invitation not a summons so your daughter can decline if she wishes.

Being angry would depend on where in the country you live, as in some areas the sleepover wouldn't be legal.

But if it is legal and the DC are in the same 'bubble' at school, then different families will make different risk assessments. You do what is right for you.

Are you in an area where this isn't allowed?

So mother child and 4 guests? That’s 6 people so allowed within the rules unless your in a tighter lockdown area.

It’s illegal where I live in Wales and there are lots of areas in Northern England and Scotland where you can’t mix households like this. Maybe that’s clouding my view because I think it’s a dreadful thing she’s done to put other parents in this position.

I think the entire U.K. isn’t far off being in line with the lockdown areas so this might not even go ahead.

And if you are in a lockdown area, please say no and that you want to do the right thing. The more people we having continuously flouting the rules, the more it gives other people unofficial permission to do the same and so this will just drag on until Spring.

If you're not in a lockdown area I dont see what she has done wrong.

4 guests plus her son and her is 6 people. That's allowed in both a restaurant and in their home.

If you're not comfortable with it say no.

I get that it puts you in an awkward situation if you are vulnerable but they aren't unreasonable to want to make their own plans.

I don't understand why you are so angry....4 people for a sleepover sounds great for your DS!

in Scotland you can only mix 2 households, and kids don't count, so if DH and I had 6 kids and my friend and her DH had 6 kids we could go out the 16 of us to a restaurant (thank god we don't have 6 kids each though!)

I'd say no as its from too many different households, and also we're not allowed in each other houses either at the moment, no matter how many people it is!!

Where abouts are you? Is it allowed where you are. If in England and it's not stipulated in a local lockdown YABU.

We are in England, in a medium risk area, to me though, it seems sensible to take any precautions we can. Packing teenagers into restaurants and rooms seems to me to be not sensible. We are older parents so have higher risk factors so I guess I am just far more cautious.

There's no reason to be angry with this parent. If you're not happy say no but can't see what they've done wrong.

Why are you angry?

Just say no if you don't want your dc to go.

They mix at school anyways.

Are they not at school together? your choice OP x

We are in England

Well that's helpful. Not.

So say no then! The other child shouldn't not be allowed a sleepover because you are older parents.

My dd is having her friends over for her birthday on Sunday too. They are all crammed in together at school all day long.

I honestly think people have the wrong impression of what's happening in schools. It's pretty much exactly the same as it was before. Not 15 dc on a table each.

Look at the end of the day if you’re sending them to school they are already exposing themselves and you the risk of getting Covid. I presume you are both in your 50s - if you have risk factors you need to focus on taking care of yourselves and shielding yourself rather than making your healthy family members do it. That means face masks / disinfectant / regular hygiene.

Assuming you are not in a tighter lockdown area, I'm afraid I think YABU.
The mother has assessed the situation, and decided that she is willing to allow her DC to host this activity in line with guidelines.
Her DC has invited your DS.
You have assessed the risk and decided it is not a risk you are comfortable with, disputed guidelines.

You both have differing views. Neither is wrong nor unreasonable. YABU to be angry at her.

I had 5 teens for a sleepover last week. Non additional-restrictions area, rule if 6, mixed households.

The 5 girls walk to school together, are in classes together in various combinations, and socialise together out of school too.
I offered all parents that I could spread them across 4 rooms for the sleeping, all declined that.

Was it riskier than not doing it? Yes.
Was the additional risk bearing in mind their other contact much higher? I think no.

I want them to still enjoy a social life. So much else has been changed and cancelled. It’s within the rules, and in my opinion not high additional risk.

They're not unreasonable to invite your son as it appears to be within guidelines. You'd wouldn't be unreasonable to decline.

Erm, if you’re not happy for your DD to go just say no! The parent has done nothing wrong, in fact they have kindly invited your daughter to a party and are probably spending quite a bit of money and effort so that your DD could have a nice time. I am sure they will understand if your DD can’t go but there is nothing here to be angry about.

They aren’t doing anything wrong.
It’s your problem to deal with, either say yes or no.

So don’t let her go then if you want to be cautious 🤷🏻‍♀️ They are not doing anything wrong - you don’t want her to go because you are an older parent in the higher risk category.