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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

cancelling xmas at grans

19 replies

thelastjuliet · 29/09/2020 22:53

My brother ,my sister and myself usually stay at my mums for xmas
but I have refused to go as I dont want to get her sick
my brother and sister are a bit upset as we would not be breaking the rule of 6 even If I brought my son, and we have done this every year since we all left home they want to risk it (as they havent seen her since last year) but I just don think is worth it even though none of us have had it?

OP posts:

londongirl12 · 29/09/2020 22:57

Have you not seen her at all then?

frankie001 · 29/09/2020 22:59

It’s still too early to see where we will be at Christmas

Ipadannie · 29/09/2020 23:02

Christmas is still three months away so maybe wait til nearer the time to decide? Lots could change between now and then.

Potterpotterpotter · 29/09/2020 23:08

Well what does your mum want?

emptyshelvesagain · 29/09/2020 23:12

I have refused to go as I dont want to get her sick

Hmm. Is she at increased risk? Is she going out and about bow? Why would you make her sick?

Pixxie7 · 29/09/2020 23:15

I think it’s too. early at the moment.

PurpleDaisies · 29/09/2020 23:18

Isn’t she competent to decide herself whether you should stay away?

Spiderbaby8 · 29/09/2020 23:19

I would speak to your mum about it and see what she thinks. I think the comfort/wishes of the vulnerable person is most important in this situation.

ellentree · 29/09/2020 23:22

I think you should wait and see too. We are supposed to visit my in laws soon and I'm not sure I want to go (even though they want us too) as she was shielding. We are not from a particularly high risk area but my children are at school and husband at work with lots of people so feel we are too big a risk. We saw them over the summer when cases were lower. I understand how you feel though.

Oblahdeeoblahdoe · 29/09/2020 23:27

Could you all self isolate for 10 days beforehand? I know it's not easy but it's something I am considering in order to see my family

gnushoes · 29/09/2020 23:28

It's THREE months away. Don't need to plan now.

EatsFartsAndLeaves · 29/09/2020 23:54

I'm going to take my son out of school 2 weeks before Xmas to quarantine ourselves so we can see his grandparents, could that work for you?

emptyshelvesagain · 30/09/2020 05:50

@EatsFartsAndLeaves

I'm going to take my son out of school 2 weeks before Xmas to quarantine ourselves so we can see his grandparents, could that work for you?

Why on earth would you do that?

Why does your son need to isolate before seeing his grandparents? What are they doing now? Nobody had to isolate before seeing people.

blackhorses · 30/09/2020 06:15

One of my parents is vulnerable and we will be doing the same. The kids will miss the last week of school, I will work from home and then we will have a week of holiday in the house before spending a few days with my parents over x-mas day.
We did the same thing in August in order to spend a week with them and whilst the isolation bit was a bit tricky, the week together was lovely and the children didn't have to distance from them as we knew it was safe.
For me the welfare of the kids seeing their grandparents far outweighs the benefit of the last week of school but my children are young and struggle to distance so this is the only safe way of them seeing each other.

nosswith · 30/09/2020 07:09

It is early to decide but YANBU to mention it, and you can change your mind if things get much better.

MrsToothyBitch · 30/09/2020 08:11

I'd honestly decide nearer Christmas. I always go to my parents and luckily my office usually closes pretty early into Dec so I will quarantine in time to go over to them on Christmas Eve if I have to but no point solidly planning yet.

AutumnleavesturntoGold · 30/09/2020 08:48

OP I would also ask the elderly person what they want. I feel so very sorry for so many older people who have suddenly been cut off by family and not even consulted, just told whats happening. At the end of my life I would like to be valued enough to be consulted as to pp plans. If I put them at risk through my actions - absolutely fine to build that into their plans. But don't tell and talk at elderly people. It may be someone's last xmas! Depending on the circs I would also rather isolate for 2 weeks and see an elderly relative than not see them.

ellentree · 30/09/2020 10:11

@AutumnleavesturntoGold

We are all responsible for our own actions and that involves possible transmitting COVID, if we don't feel comfortable with the risk that that's as much our decision as theirs in my opinion.

I personally wouldn't describe my in laws as elderly, my MIL is still in her 60s and generally very well, but with a serious underlying condition that is managed well day to day. I am not keen to see her when cases are so high because I want her around for many years to come.

AutumnleavesturntoGold · 30/09/2020 10:14

ellen I do not know why you needed to @ me for that comment.

There you go - a young MIL. Many peoples dp are actually in their 80s maybe not in great health and would rather take the risk and see their families.

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