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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to not have told DD dad I was pulling her from school.

16 replies

Someonetakemebackto91 · 29/09/2020 22:13

I will not drip feed but can not go in the whole saga otherwise will be here until covid disappears !

  • DD age 7, had complex middle needs bit cognitively well so attends mainstream school. I was in the house with her shielding from mid March until Shielding was paused.
I was doing all the home schooling, wrap around care as we lost respite and basically dealing being trapped in a tiny flat with a 7 year old. In this time not to my surprise her dad did not contact once in the whole pandemic we spoke twice both time’s I contacted him. ( there is years of Inconsistency) But this really highlighted to me how little he cares. So consultant has agreed that is for the best that daughter now stays home from school again until they see how this will all unfold and has written a clinical letter to advice this. The LA and EHCP as well as school are all happy and her 1-1 will come to the home ( socially distancing and mask ) with school work afternoon hounds and maths sessions. I have been trying to contact her dad now for over a month with no response to phone calls or messages. I finally got hold of his mum today and was explaining the situation and wanted to know if her dad was doing to make contact any time soon. She asked how DD was and I explained about the school situation and all hell broke lose that I did not run this decision by her son and she will inform him to contact me as daughter needs an education. Was I unreasonable to you know was the parent who has spent the last 6 months doing this alone with not even a message to ask if she was ok wrong to have made this decision !
OP posts:
Someonetakemebackto91 · 29/09/2020 22:14
  • complex medical needs “ sorry I wrote this in tears and my fingers are shaking.
OP posts:
Intelinside57 · 29/09/2020 22:16

You poor thing. I'd say that's the last time you ever contact his mum?

DimidDavilby · 29/09/2020 22:18

Stop chasing them they don't sound any good for you or your daughter Flowers

You sound like a great mum. Block them.

TOFO1965 · 29/09/2020 22:18

I’m so sorry. I’d not bother contacting in future. If he wants to know, you’ll hear from him.

BigChocFrenzy · 29/09/2020 22:18

YANBU

You have had to make decisions on your own, because that useless tosser of a "father" has no interest in his child

  • his mum should be having a go at him, not you

I'm sorry you are feeling so stressed, but you are not in the wrong at all 💐

Someonetakemebackto91 · 29/09/2020 22:19

@Intelinside57
I am honestly done with the whole situation, I have no idea where I go or do. He can fork the without even asking if she is ok but If I miss one phone call when he finally does all
Hell breaks lose.
I am so tired and drained. I am now waiting for the phone call from her dad which will not probably follow.
The reason I contacted his mum after a month of no response from him was because I rang the house phone ( he lives with her and she answered )

OP posts:
minmooch · 29/09/2020 22:20

Nope you are not in the wrong.

If he wants a say in the way his dd is bought up then he needs to behave as a proper father.

I wouldn't bother trying to contact him ever again. Nor his mother for that matter.

RandomMess · 29/09/2020 22:20

Well his Mum is a bitch and he is a waste of space and certainly not a parent 🤬

Lizadork · 29/09/2020 22:20

Sounds like you are doing what is best. He does have a right to disagree and take it to mediation but you have evidence of suport and likely something to show that you have attempted contact. Morally not unreasonable at all. If he is not there it is hardly unfair to not consult him. It may have ruffled the feathers of grandma but he sounds like a dad that might not be fussed. The lesson for next time is don't chase someone who acts like they don't want to be there.

Someonetakemebackto91 · 29/09/2020 22:20

“ now “ sorry I should stop crying before I attempt to comment again 🙈

OP posts:
Someonetakemebackto91 · 29/09/2020 22:21

@Lizadork that’s the issue he will “ care “ because he is deluded and as much as he doesn’t care he randomly will pipe up acting like a concerned father.

OP posts:
Shizzlestix · 29/09/2020 22:22

Totally ignore them both. Why bother updating her or him?

CharlotteUnaNatalieThompson · 29/09/2020 22:23

I explained about the school situation and all hell broke lose that I did not run this decision by her son

This would have been the point at which I asked her what the fuck she thought I'd been trying to do leaving message after message for her son over the past month and why I had finally resorted to calling her. And that if her son gives a shit he needs to fucking well respond to messages left about his daughter but that if he didn't that was on him not me. And that she can go fuck herself if she thought I was going to listen to her lecturing me about parenting given the shit job she'd clearly done of bringing up her own son.

Someonetakemebackto91 · 29/09/2020 22:27

@CharlotteUnaNatalieThompson you are right and ordinarily that is exactly what I would do, but I’m just so emotionally drained that I couldn’t master it up 😅

OP posts:
Minniem2020 · 29/09/2020 22:40

You've done nothing at all wrong here op. One of our main jobs as parents is to protect our children and it sounds like you are doing this brilliantly.

Scarlettpixie · 29/09/2020 22:56

Yanbu.

Sounds like your DD is receiving out of school tuition and for good reason. That is still an education.

He doesn't get to be consulted if he cba to keep in touch.

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