Having a really bad day

[Fedup37]

I’m having a really bad day and have no one really to talk to, please be kind. I had an awful dream last night about my baby drowning and dying. I woke up really upset. DD was playing up in morning and I had no energy to deal with her as I had hardly any sleep so let her sleep in with the intention of taking her to school later on in day.

Over breakfast I checked my bank balance and noticed I had a payment made in. I realised it’s from my last place of work which I left and didn’t return to after maternity ended. I phoned my employer and HR and they said yes they can see I’ve been paid and no idea how it happened. They thanked me and said not to spend money and they’ll be in touch. I’ve been contacting them for 6 months now to repay part of my maternity back but they don’t get back to me. Last conversation was that they had no record of this. I reminded them again today.

My partner and mum think I’m “stupid” as I shouldn’t have mentioned anything to them.

Around 11 I was driving DD to school with baby and got stopped by police. They said I didn’t stop at the junction. I looked and it was clear so yes I didn’t stop but it was clear. They let me go with a warning after I burst out crying uncontrollably! He said he should be giving me 3 points.

I’ve just come home now, didn’t take DD back to school as I’m in a state. I can’t cope. I feel so overwhelmed with everything. I don’t know what to do.

Do you have a perinatal MH team or supportive GP you can have a chat with?

@SunbathingDragon thank you for your reply. I’m on waiting list for councelling. I don’t have high hopes as I have had it in past and found it good to talk but I went back to my usual self and sadness after sessions ended

Could you give your HV or doctor a call to say that you need some extra support whilst you are waiting?

Ignore your partner and your mom, imagine the panic someone felt when they lost some money and they have to explain to someone they don’t know what happened to it but they didn’t steal it. You did the right thing.

Bad dreams can be so unsettling, can't they.

You absolutely did the right thing about the pay mistake - they would have realised sooner or later and you would have to repay it.

Everyone makes driving errors occasionally, and it sounds like this was at the sort of junction where most people would treat the stop line in the way you did. Technically you should have stopped - lesson learned, but no harm done.

"I don't know what to do."
Big bar of chocolate? Is there someone who could offer you some support, even if just down the phone? Mum? Friend? And do contact your health visitor or GP - it does sound like you may need a bit of help at the moment, if you're feeling overwhelmed.

I can relate to this. A bad dream and one that gets you hurting deep can be hard to snap out of. With regards to the overpaid money. Hold on to it and get some advice. You’re actually doing the right thing and I would be very proud of you if you were my sister friend or daughter. You’ve got a lot on your mind. One thing I do is when I get in the car is take a moment to centre myself and focus on the driving - I tune out the kids and focus because safety is important obviously.

Let the little one’s watch tv. Sit on the couch. Feet up. Close your eyes and just breathe. Set an alarm for 20-30 Mins. Order in some Food tonight if you can so that you can relax tonight. And def see your gp if you need Help.

Well done for telling HR about your overpayment - you're not stupid for doing so, you are honest and have morals. You should be proud of yourself.

Forget about the driving incident, it's done now.

I had a horrific dream that my baby son got out of his pushchair and crawled into the main road while I was chatting to a friend. I still remember the terror and that baby is now 31! Dreams can be so disturbing.

Do something nice for yourself now, listen to your favourite music and practice mindfulness.

See your GP if you are always feel unhappy though, maybe a short course of SSRIs will help.

Thank you everyone for your kind words. I’m worried HR is not going to rectify this as they told me I’d get a call today but nothing so far. I feel stressed about everything.

The dream (Or should I say nightmare) was very disturbing and I felt so helpless in it, I’ve been in tears most of the day remembering the lifeless body of my baby I was holding, I know this sounds melodramatic but if anything happens to him I don’t think I could go on, it makes me sad thinking what will my DD do without me. The dream was awful. I’m scared something is going to happen to him and I won’t be able to save him. I keep reminding myself it was just a nightmare and not a premonition!

I just keep remembering in my nightmare thinking I wish I had done more things with him and I wish I had played more with him rather than rushing around all day doing chores. It was a really weird nightmare it felt so real unlike anything I’ve ever had.

Bless you OP that sounds lovely is a horrible day. These are the kind of things that really play on my mind too. I have been seen as an emergency by my GP when I was really struggling mentally. Medication really helped me. As for today, how about some distraction. Plan a rom com or other relaxing film, and try and get an early-ish night as being sleep deprived will only make things seem worse. Don't try and make any big decisions today. When we are anxious, our decision making ability goes straight out the window. Have you got someone you can unload to? Some breathing exercises to help with the panic can help. Sit for a couple of minutes and breath on for 7 and out for 11. Or any amount of seconds as long as your out breath is longer. It will slow down your heartrate. This too shall pass.

When Covid first started I had an incredibly upsetting dream about DS1 very similar to your dream - and he is almost 9! This is so normal. I bet most mums have had dreams like this at some point.

Please be kind to yourself - get a really good night's sleep if at all possible, tomorrow is another day

Start by taking a deep breath and having a hot drink of some kind.

Bad dreams like that can be so emotionally draining, and will play on your mind for a little while. I wonder if you was feeling anxious before the dream and your anxieties triggered the dream.

Is it just today you're feeling like this or do you feel like this often? I know with my eldest I was terrified of her dying. Everyday I thought about how I would feel if she died and how I would probably kill myself if she did. Everytime I walked down the stairs I was terrified I would fall and land on her and kill her, in the car I was worried I would crash and her car seat would go flying. Just all kinds of scenarios I was terrified something bad would happen. Looking back I do believe I had PND and should really have got some help

Can you put all the money you need to pay back in a separate account, and then email HR one last time and ensure you keep the email. Then if they try cause any teouble, you have a record you have tried to contact them to pay them back and you'll have the money to pay back anyway. at least that would be one less thing for you to worry about

Be kind to yourself.
Nightmares like this can be unsettling. If you continue to have them or overwhelming intrusive thoughts, please go to your gp. This us how my postnatal depression started and medication was a huge help.
You were fight about the money. It's not yours, you did the right thing letting them know. Leave itbjn your account until they tell you how they want yo proceed but I wouldn't worry about it.
Everyone makes mistakes while driving, the junction was clear, there wasn't an accident, nobody got hurt. Also try and put it behind you.
Take it easy today, tomorrow is clean slate.

Thank you everyone. It’s made such a difference reading all your replies. The poster who mentioned worrying about falling down stairs and getting in a car crash - this is how I always feel! I’m so sorry you also felt this way and I’m glad things are better for you. Makes me feel not so alone that others have also felt this way.

Yes good idea I’m moving money now into another account. I’m not going to stress about it (we’ll try not to!) until they contact me. I know my annoying anxiety will come back again tonight and I won’t be able to relax thinking about paying the money back. I’ll keep reading your messages. Thank you.

(((HUG)))

there's a few things you can stop worrying about - DD not going to school today, not completely stopping at the intersection when
You could see it was clear (though best to know future) & what your Mum &
Partner think about you being honest wuth work - you did the right thing, but stop worrying about THEIR mistake now, it's in their hands to sort now.

As fir your dream - I've had a couple of periods in my life when I was having really, really bad dreams (nightmares I guess, but 'reality' not monsters under the bed🙇🏻‍♀️). Both times they were very much about things that were real issues in my life, but not necessarily the way the dream
Panned out - by comparison I'd say that the feelings you had about not spending enough time with DS were the 'real' part & the drowning but was simply your brain trying to make you focus on the feelings it wanted you to focus on so needed to make you anxious/upset because without enough emotion you might ignore it (do you understand my waffle?)

Basically I think you need to focus on spending time with DS & doing the things it made you feel like you hadn't been.

Nasty dreams like that can REALLY take it out of you, they used to wipe me out'

Try to have a relaxing evening & hopefully get a nice nights sleep tonight. Can DP get DD ready & take her to school tomorrow or can your Mum help?

How old are your kids?

@IncrediblySadToo thank you, I understand completely what you mean so thanks for your kind words. I think you are right the dream was more about my feelings about not spending enough time with him. Even when I’m with DS I feel I’m not completely with him emotionally!

DD is 6 and DS is nearly one soon.

Stop worrying about the money. You've told them. If they're too inefficient to do anything about it, that's their problem.