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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed at DH for changing DS1's nursery arrangements?

13 replies

ellehcim · 10/10/2007 14:18

I have a difficult but polite relationship with PIL. It goes back years to when DH and I first met and he happened to be married to someone else (oops).
Things are now ok and we see them every week since they only live 15 mins away. However, I am furious with DH since last week he told them they could take DS1 (two and half) out of nursery one afternoon without consulting me. Big row followed and I asked him not to do it again. Yesterday morning DH was supposed to be taking DS1 to nursery and I was still in bed (with DS2 - 3 months) and woke to the sound of DH on the phone to PIL telling them he was bringing DS1 over to their house for the day.

I'm being furious quietly because I don't want to have another big row but want to know whether I'm just being stupid to expect to be consulted over childcare arrangements.

DS1 goes to nursery two days a week whilst I'm on mat leave.

OP posts:
flowerybeanbag · 10/10/2007 14:20

hi ellehcim

No YANBU, I would not be amused.

If they see you every week it's not as though they are not seeing DS1 enough is it?

And rofl at 'happened to be married to someone else'.

bluejelly · 10/10/2007 14:26

I don't think it's worth having a furious row about, is it?

Original poster
ellehcim · 10/10/2007 14:28

No I really don't want another row BUT at the same time I don't want it to happen again and am annoyed that he's done it twice in a row. Plus I think DS1 really benefits from his days in nursery.
Will continue to be cross quietly.

OP posts:
kslatts · 10/10/2007 15:28

I think you are over reacting, when you woke up to hear your dh on the phone, I'm guessing that he had just decided to take your ds to visit his parents instead of going to nursey, maybe he didn't think it warranted waking you up to discuss.

Fireflyfairy2 · 10/10/2007 15:33

YABU.

They are his GP's.

Regardless of the relationship you have with your dh's parents, they are your son's grandparents.

I used to be like you. My dd was 5 before I fully let PIL have an active role in her upbringing. Boy have I regretted making them have those 5 years absence from her life.

They were probably chuffed to bits at having him for the day.

and why should dh not arrange childcare for him? he is his son too, no?

harman · 10/10/2007 15:35

Message withdrawn

Pitchounette · 10/10/2007 15:37

Message withdrawn

Pitchounette · 10/10/2007 15:38

Message withdrawn

maisemor · 10/10/2007 15:44

The thing that would irritate me the most is if he had agreed to your request of running issues like that past you before changing anything.

I do think it irresponsible of your husband though if he has not told you where your son is going to be spending the day. What if something happens to your husband, you would not know where your son was if he did not tell you.

However, do you have to run things like that past him as well first? or is it just him that has to ask for your permission? For example it would then mean that if you decided one morning, after your husband had left for work, that you wanted to take the children to see your parents you would then have to phone your husband at work and ask his permission.

Dropdeadfred · 10/10/2007 15:54

Does your dh know that you're aware of where ds is now?

Original poster
ellehcim · 10/10/2007 17:01

It was yesterday. We had an evening of not talking very much and this morning things are normal but I'm still cross.

Its really not that I don't want his parents to see DS1 (we see them every weekend plus they come with me when I take him to the play barn on a thursday afternoon) however I think we should discuss it before DH changes arrangements. MAISEMOR you are right however, I would not expect to consult with him if I changed plans so maybe I'm being a bit unfair.

BUT they are 76 and 78 and I don't feel very confident with them having him on their own for the whole day.

OP posts:
bubblagirl · 10/10/2007 17:06

i think its only fair your dh has equal say in what he does with ds or should you consult him whenever you do anything with him i think we feel as the main carers we are the ones making the choices but its great your dh takes control and makes choices too

bubblagirl · 10/10/2007 17:10

i'm sure if they couldnt cope they would tell you my nan is in her 80's and loves to look after her great grandson if she struggles she has people around to help but at that age i'm sure they are still capable and must be quite active to see you so much and ds so why shouldnt they take him maybe dh was giving you a break with your other ds

grandparents love looking after little ones just coz they are a certain age doesnt mean they are written off and unfit to look after small children

unless they have serious health issues then thats different just try and be happy that you have a family willing to help

i'd love my dp to make more dicisions as he would too i certainly wouldnt make him feel bad for being a parent and making choices why should that be all down to me the child is both of yours

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