To want what we are owed and advice on how to get it?

[mumofthreesmallmen3]

My ex partner has decided to stop paying maintenance for 7 weeks now, he is flat out refusing. Me and my 3 children are really struggling now, i have put in a claim to child support now but will still take a little while to receive any payments, he is also still responsible to pay it they cannot collect it from his employer until he has messed around again a few times. I don't think i will see this money he owes as child support cannot be backdated, is there any way of getting it, would small claims work or any other options as its making me so angry he is gloating that he's got away with 1000 that he won't have to pay back!
Thanks

He works full time on a decent wage, has always paid before this on a mutual agreement not through chikd support, although was often 1 or 2 weeks late with it. He sees the younger two a minimum amount and my eldest choses not to see him at all so he doesn't do a lot in the way of childcare either.

Afaik it is backdated to the date you made the claim....

Yes the money from inbetween (will be about 10 weeks worth) is there any way of getting that back if anyone knows be grateful!

Child maintenance is backdated but only from the date you put in a request.

Unfortunately my advice is, try to survive without his payments in the future. I know it’s unfair and your children are suffering but if yo I stay angry and fearful of him not making the next payment it will eat you up inside. It did that me until I let go. If I ever do get a payment it’s a bonus but I’m not reliant on it. I took back the little power I had in the situation.

Are you in the UK? If you are he will acrue arrears and you will get that money back eventually.

I have no advice re small claims court I'm afraid.

I also agree with the above. Try to figure out a way that you don't rely on his money because unfortunately it's normally the last things that they can control to use against you.

Mine goes into a separate account that I don't dip into often. It means I don't count it as part of my monthly income and have never got used to it.

I didn't get any payments for the first 6 years so I was acutely aware it could slip back anytime.

Sitting here in tears through anger. It makes me so angry they can do this whilst we pick up all the childcare and financial side too. I didn't put in the claim the first few weeks because although he's sometimes late he has always paid it back eventually so I waited, now 7 weeks on hes laughing saying he had no intention to pay and doesn't, at the time he said didn't have it due to big bill and will be next week,next week. I've got the ball rolling now but it makes me mad he will likely get away with the inbetween weeks, 1000 is a lot to us! I want to look into small claims court but im not sure if they deal with maintenance queries I have lots of texts as proof I've asked and his excuses.

I agree it is control too, he knows I do rely on that money at the moment and he knows it is pissing me off! If I text about when he is planning to pay his reply is the laughing emoji...infuriating!

I’ve been there and understand your frustrations. I know this feeling well and the searching for every available option but it’s fruitless. The system is not fit for purpose and heavily penalises there resident parent.

The only way I regained my sanity was by detaching myself from the situation and advancing in my own career so I no longer needed his maintenance to survive.

Good luck!

So, child support will only be backdated to the day you put the claim in. That is in works. But meanwhile there were 10weeks before you put the claim in that he was supposed to pay through mutual agreement.

If so, in order to succeed in small claims court you need proof of the mutual agreement in writing. Do you have texts or emails or anything in writing from him where he promises to pay the money and how much exactly he will pay?

To add on- texts of you asking for money and him refusing are evidence to contrary, that there was no mutual agreement. So you need something definitive from before his change of mind that proves you had a mutual agreement and for exactly how much money.

My ex didn't pay for over a year. My children will never get that money. The system lets children down.

I agree with others, I am afraid that there is nothing you can do long term apart from build a life where you don’t have to rely on him financially. You could try sending him a letter with the facts, i.e. for x years you have been paying y which I have been spending on (generic categories of kids stuff). You have now stopped this payment for x weeks which means that y has not been paid for the upkeep of your children. Unless it is paid by x date I will be seeking immediate legal advice and seeking to recover the costs of that and other costs from you. In reality a lawyer will tell you what you’ve heard here but it might be worth a last ditch attempt to scare it out of him. Then block his texts etc and just communicate by email about access. When you say you are struggling, how badly? Do you have family who could loan you a small amount of money, or could you take out a loan or credit card with reasonable/ 0% interest and then pay it back quickly? Do you claim all of the benefits to which you’re entitled- you can get advice online or from your local council. Do you work- if not can you start thinking about retraining to get a sustainable long term career? I think you have to accept that you are going to have to carry the can financially if your DP has an attitude like this- the best revenge you can get is by showing him you don’t need his money.

Thanks everyone, yes that would be the best revenge. Would a bank statement be proof for small claims that shows hes paid that amount weekly for years,does that show it was a agreement? Also lots of texts from when he was paying such as 'will pay your maintenance tonight after i am paid ' etc things like that. I agree the system is not fair, I did want them to collect straight from his wage but they said they can't as they have to give him the chance to pay first 🤦‍♀️ so it may be even more weeks until receive something. Had to pay 20 to apply to csa, and 4 percent comes off the amount, he has to pay 20 percent extra charge on top of the amount to me also. Yes I do work but 3 days a week as I have the children and childcare to sort too, he doesn't help with childcare costs,my mum helps me a lot by doing my morning school runs for me and im lucky i finish half 4 so only need 1.5 hours after school club so the job suits me really well for now and would be sad to leave for a different job with worse hours regarding childcare