To expect a little more support from my family?

[CHOCOLATEPEANUT]

I am 32 weeks pregnant and its been a very difficult pregnancy aside from physical problems, I had a stillborn daughter 2 years ago at 25 weeks.

Following her death we tried to have another baby and nothing happened (aside for a m/c last Oct) and as I was 40 this year we said that we would stop trying on the last round of clomid in March(I was given 6 mths dose as despite finding nothing wrong with us the docs said it might increase our chances)

We moved in March into a house that needed a lot of work and the week later I found out I was pregnant.Its been hell living through it all as I have a 4 year dd and a builder that is never on job. I currently have no roof on a kitchen extension that has been knocked through and the house is freezing.

I am finding all a bit stressful especially the situation with the builder and the state of the house.I have nothing prepared for this baby as everywhere is a mess and I have 8 weeks to go.

My dad just called round and I was having a moan about the builder who has just disappeared again despite this being his first day on the job this week.My dad said everything was badly timed and we should have done work next year and I said how could we with a new baby and he said thats badly timed too.I told him I did not need to hear that and would he go and he stomped off saying he had had a bellyful of it and did not need it. (Dad is very up and down as we lost mum 8 years ago and hes never been same)

My sister who is a single SAHM rarely calls depsite both her children being at school all day. But I dont expect much from her as she is very selfish.

But what has got me down today is that I have always supported them when they have needed it. When my sister was having her house down and was pg I would go and help her after I finished work.Same with Dad, but all I ever seem to get from him is "I told you so".

Been crying for two hours now and feel really low.Sorry for ramble.I now hormones must be playing part but I want to ring dad and sister and tell them how I feel but wonder if I am being unreasonable?

Thanks for 'listening'

Where is your dh/partner? Can you call him and talk to him? You are not being unreasonable by the way.

No you are not unreasonable - sounds like you are having a very rough time. You have my sympathy - I had a difficult last pregnancy following a m/c but remember it will all be worth it when you are holding your new baby - it will get better. Families are always a pain - you can't live with them/or without them. Sending you hugs

Ye gods No YANBU!!!

You have a lot on your plate & whether or not the timing of the building works was right or not (hindsight being a wonderful thing) your Dad had no right to have a dig about the baby at all.

No wonder you are feeling weepy & sorry for yourself I would be too.

When you are calmer maybe you should ring your Dad & just quietly let him know that you are sorry you had words but that you are struggling a bit now, & although it's difficult for you all (losing Mum AND your babe)what you could do with is a bit of support from EVERYBODY. Phone up your sis & ask her to have your DD a bit more or maybe she could bring her home for you some days so you can rest?

Oh and you & DH need to tell that builder,he's SACKED if there isn't a roof on in the next 2 weeks!YOU are the customer.

YANBU.

Re your dad, he needs to accept that both the pregnancy and the building work are happening RIGHT NOW and he needs to recognise that these are not things that can be delayed, regardless of whether the timing was 'perfect' - which it rarely is. If we all waited until house, money etc was perfect and plentiful we'd be TTC aged 70!!! So he needs to accept the current situation and help you as best he can.

Re your sister, is there perhaps some other deeper issue that she has - if she has time etc, I can't see why she doesn't want to help you. It is a godsend to have anyone bringing you food and doing your washing as having a kitchen in pieces is a terrible experience!

The only advice that I can give you is

-if you need to moan about the builders etc, come and moan on mumsnet - don't moan to your dad/sister as they clearly are not that sympathetic and it makes things tense - could get emotional support from DH/DP/MN and practicalities from dad/sister
-can you ask your dad/sister for specific practical help that they are able to provide
-for your new baby, the thing he/she will want the most is YOU! Perhaps you can get a carseat and install it in the car and leave it there so as not to clutter up the house?
-I wouldn't phone to tell them how you feel. It ought to be blindingly obvious how you feel, but it is clearly not something they feel they can relate to, even if it is spelled out.

You have my utmost sympathy for your difficult pregnancy as I am also having one at the moment. And I have no house at all LOL!! We sold ours to relocate and our purchase fell through so we are living with my mum. Timing is always difficult so you are certainly not alone in that respect.

Thankyou for all your advice and kind thoughts.My friemd rang me just after I posted and said the same as you (she knows about situation with sister and said "thats always been the way with her you can expect nothing else!" and shes right)
Friends coming to see me tomorrow for a chat

I was so stressed this afternoon that I drove down a busy one way street the wrong way

I had been staring at a pile of ironing for weeks and am having it collected in an hour.Never had ironing done before and I know its a bit of a treat but would probably end up burning it all and its all to go on EbAY.

crokky- sorry your having a bad time too.Living in someones house is always difficult.Sending you kisses xxx

I have not rang either dad or sister.I have asked dh to pick the washing up from dads (hes started doing it this week as we have no kitchen now) on the way home from work. I have also told him there is a leak in the extension with a bucket underneath and can he sort with builder.I am afraid dh is a bit soft but hes going to have to tackle builder as I am stressed enough.I think my outburst today will give dh the shove he needs...

Well done you!

That was the other thing I was going to recommend - extra help with chores. If you can stretch to it financially or through friends then do it. Life is stressful enough for you,housework AND being assertive just takes too much out of you at this stage as I remember!

And lovely &soft though your DH is he's got to get his boots on & kick a**e with those builders. It's the nice clients who get put off & the ones who shout who get the job done.

(being of the shouty variety myself!! I prefer to call it poite but firm IYSWIM )