to demand this video of my kid is taken off Youtube?

[Stupidsocials]

My year 6 son's mates seem to suddenly have been given smartphones which has led to a Year 6 Whatsapp grp for those who have phones where they take stupid photos & videos of themselves and each other and post them.
DS doesn't have a phone but has seen the grp. His friends have taken pics of him apparently and threatened put them up. He HATES this and has just told me - nothing inapproppiate, just without his permission. he thinks he deleted the photos but of course they think it's hilarious and he;s over-reacting.

He then told me that one of them took a video of him in the park - they threw something of his in a hedge and he climbed in to get it back - and it's been put on Youtube. Several of them, despite being 10, have Youtube channels.

How do I deal with this? He's 10 years old and does not want the video up and even if he did I don't want it there.

Do I complain to Youtube? The parents? ( who seem to think it's okay for them to have Iphones, WA and Tiktok etc.at 10/11) or to the school? Most of the photos are taken outside the school premises it seems but given the age for WA is 16 and this grp is obvs wide open to bullying or dodgy content I thought school might care?

Can't believe we're having to deal with this crap so early... all came out tonight cos DS was angry/upset at a friend but wouldn't say why then got teary and it all came out.

Is there an internet usage policy at the school? Ours does and it covers internet usage outside of school in this type of situation. We have to sign as parents and the children sign it also. It links to the anti-bullying policy. Contact school as they need to learn this behaviour isn’t acceptable.

This is why 10 yr olds shouldn't have unlimited/unsupervised access to the internet.

God some parents!

I would absolutely inform the school I think this is bullying behaviour (low level but still bullying)

And from what I have read YouTube are taking these reports more seriously

No I would not allow ds a YouTube account now and he is nearly 13. He doesn’t need validation in this way

@Stupidsocials

'I doubt Youtube would care, considering some of the videos on the platform. How does your DS want you to deal with it?'

There's no rules for YT around posting videos of minors without permission??

He wants the video deleted.

@Stupidsocials You tube are very hot on young kids in videos these days. Do report it. Good luck.

I would inform the school but this would certainly not be my only strategy - it didn’t happen on school time so it isn’t their responsibility to deal directly with this. Parents must be compelled to be responsible for their children and to parent them around internet safety.

I have to say, I despair at people hoping telling the school and a “talk on internet safety” will deal with this effectively. Parents must step up here!

I’m not convinced that the Parentst see anything wrong, the two kids who are the worst offenders have older siblings and I can see that they get stuff younger in general as hand me downs from the older ones or becuase the parents are a bit more lax 2nd or 3rd kid down...

DS has said its starting to get boring hanging out With these kids cos they are in their phones the whole time even out and about so maybe there will be a natural separation anyway.

‘ ave you thought about taking his phone and writing the boy/s involved a message.”this is X’s Mum, the video needs to be deleted within the next thirty minutes or I will be calling your parents/coming to your house’

No, DS doesn’t have a phone at all and I wouldn’t dream of sending threatening messages to a child or bollocking them directly. I will go through the parents.

We’re holding off on phones partly of the links to it causing anxiety
In kids, but seems we can’t escape the problems anyway.

Our 3 tween DCs do it to each other and we’ve been making them take it down each time another complains, and it’s on my radar to have a talk with them about consent the next time they do it.

Wow, you sound like parent of the year (not). Your kids are doing something which could get them into serious trouble if they did it to a non family member, and you are vaguely thinking that it might be a good idea to talk about consent "next time" it happens?

Why do your kids have unsupervised access to devices in this manner?

Ive been in similar situation.
I contacted the parents of the child who put up video, contacted you tube/reported it, then contacted the school.

I think some of these tips above would be very helpful for getting a child to be targeted for bullying! I’m sure the last thing he wants is you to go galloping in and embarrass him—OP you seem very sensitive to that, and that’s great.

The kids posting videos to YouTube, etc is none of your business apart from in how it affects your son, and I wouldn’t get drawn into the wider back and forth on this with parents. We did the exact same at school when I was that age, when it’s kids making videos and having fun it’s really not a big deal. What does seem to be crossing the line is that your son doesn’t want to be in the videos and worries he will be anyway—possibly low level bullying, or bolshy friends not taking a no? Do you know which one it is closest to?

Talk to school. They should take this seriously as part of their education around the use of the internet .

I think that as a society we need to start shifting towards making parents legally liable (in some manner) for everything that their minor child does online. Because it's clear that a lot of people simply cannot be bothered to supervise their kids online and will only do so in the face of threats.

It’s obviously each your decision about phones, but I don’t think it’s up to you to police the WhatsApp group, and 13 isn’t hugely young for this sort of behaviour at all. It’s great your son has clear boundaries for himself, how are his relationships with the rest of the kids at school with these? TBH I think I would have really struggled socially at that age without a phone and without being a part of these sorts of groups, and the reason why they joke about putting videos of him online might be related to this?

And 10 year old kids doing tiktok, its horrible

‘ and 13 isn’t hugely young for this sort of behaviour at all. ’

They are 10 - start of Year 6. At this point around half have phones and half don’t . DS is generally a popular, happy kids who gets on with everyone. But he absolutely hates being photographed or filmed when he’s not in the mood, always has.
He’s in 2 minds himself whether he even wants a phone ( he will get one by secondary) so he’s obvs already feeling pressure.

I’m bothered about the WA grp when it’s my child worrying whether or not people are going to put pictures of him on it looking daft or changing or whatever on it.

I’ve had a similar situation. I wasn’t sure what to do as I couldn’t contact the parents as the family had actually moved.

I asked to speak to the deputy. He brought up the video on his PC, fixed his lips into a tight line and said he’d sort it.

He contacted YouTube, contacted the parents and contacted the head at the other Childs’s school.

The school were amazing and took it very seriously as it was affecting the well being Of a pupil at the school. Oh and my DC’s school said it was a safeguarding issue for the child who uploaded the video to his channel along the lines of he shouldn’t have a YouTube channel.

So I’d start with the school I think.

10 year olds shouldn't be on whatsapp either - the legal limit is 16 years!

talk to the school, even if it is without naming anyone. they need to know and should be able to teach the whole year group about online safety.

“Our 3 tween DCs do it to each other and we’ve been making them take it down each time another complains, and it’s on my radar to have a talk with them about consent the next time they do it“

Blimey - there’s your answer right there OP. Lazy parents who are aware of the issue and don’t address it.

You’re right to raise a fuss over this. I would do school first and see what happens. I would also approach one or two parents one to one. Explain what has happened and ask them what they think. If they respond lamely and think it’s all a joke, you at least know who to tell your son to avoid.

My heart sinks for you as you be been there with my own son who’s now 17.

I would absolutely go straight to their main Teacher and tell her exactly what’s going on and ensure they come down on this behaviour like a tonnes of bricks!
They need to nip this alpha male dog eat dog behaviour before it escalates to next year when they hit secondary and really gets nasty.

God I hate how cruel need children can be, if only more people dealt with their sh*t! Thank you Mumsnet for the wisdom I’ve learnt here as it’s helped me with so much of this stuff.

OP you sound like you have such a lovely boy, I can imagine you just want to wrap him up and protect him from the rest of the world. I used to want to run away with my boy to a small warm island somewhere, where kids were still wild and free children! Just remind him that the flies away flock around the brightest lights, he scares them because he doesn’t conform and won’t be controlled, so they try to dim him, but just as long as he keeps loving himself and others they can never extinguish him flame 🔥

@Stupidsocials

I think the 10’ueat olds can have the channel if the parents set it up? There’s loads of kids channel on YouTube.

13 year olds are allowed a channel if the parent agrees. Otherwise, it's 18.

There's no need for the school to let on who has told them - it could easily be a parent of one of the phone-owners, assuming any of them are doing the sensible thing and checking their child's phone to see what they're doing with it.

And to whoever said telling the school is no use, it's the parents who need to do something - yes, but the school is in a position to send some strong advice to (all year 6) parents. Advice from the school may also give parents more confidence in telling their kids that their phone is going to be monitored, their access to age-restricted apps removed, and it will be taken away if they do anything unacceptable.

From YouTube:

Anyone posting content with minors must do the following:

Respect privacy. Secure consent from the minor’s parent or legal guardian before featuring them in your video. Make sure their participation in your video is voluntary.

Presumably that means that if you contact them and say you didn't give consent then they will remove it.