to not care about my friends problems

[user985980]

A friend of mine is having some problems, basically she has been having an affair with a senior colleague her husband has found out and she has had to relocate to another area of the business.
She keeps telling me about how tough her life is, how everything has fallen apart for her.
I feel like a bad friend because I just don't care, I have some health problems of my own that she doesn't know about and I'm just getting fed up of her going on and on about how bad things are for her.
AIBU?

Still don't understand how the voting is saying 84% of people thing OP is not BU, when virtually all the comments say she isBU

You don't sound like you are really her friend tbh.
You may not like her choices but friends are open and honest and stick with each other, so i would still listen to her problems even if you think she's a silly moo! Although if it was the only topic of conversation I can see why you would be fed up!
You havent confided in her about your health problems, which obviously is your choice, you may think her problems are petty compared to yours but you can't blame her if she doesn't know.

So she is actually an ex-friend who doesn't know about their change of status yet.

I care about what happens to people on the other side of the world, even more so about what is happening to my friends.

You don't sound like a friend. Yes it was stupid and self inflicted but a lot of things are. Many people have money worries - you could say it's usually their fault, they should have worked harder at school, saved more when they were making a good income, not splash out at Xmas etc. Or women who get heartbroken when an obviously terrible relationship breaks down and everyone could see it a mile away. The list goes on and on, I have made plenty of mistakes but if my life would take such a hard turn because of a poor decision and I moan about it, I would expect a friend to understand and let me moan.

With Bilbobercow - you're a frenemy!

If you don’t care about her you’re not her friend.

If you choose not to share things in your life but judge her for not knowing you’re not her friend.

So just tell her you’re not her friend and to find someone else to confide in.

I don’t blame you really. Nothing worse than people wallowing in self pity. She did wrong she needs to own up to it and get on with it.

Probably doesnt want to share her private issues with somebody whos shown themselves to be so weak and undependable?

Because cheaters and their apologists are always full of excuses, Backforgood

I voted yanbu because I don't think you are unreasonable not to care about this particular problem of your friend's. It is self inflicted and if she's managed to still keep her husband then she's very fortunate.
But I think you owe her honesty, both about this and your own problems. If you don't tell her she can't support you.
If you do tell her and she still bangs on all the time about the consequences of her affair then you would not be unreasonable to move on from this friendship.

@user1471565182

I'm not judging the vote, I'm just puzzled as to how, overwhelmingly, the comments are that OP isn't being a friend to her friend, ie is BU, but the vote is massively saying the opposite.
As the vote says 84% of people think she INBU, then how come there are only about 2 posts backing up that thinking (as I say, this isn't about whichever side anyone falls on, but about why the comments and the vote are polar opposite)