AIBU/paranoid/insecure?

[Stantons]

I posted this in relationships but I might need the harsh reality of AIBU

OH has a female friend, says hes known her since he was little but she has only recently made an appearance that I am aware of and I'm not sure I'm comfortable with it. On asking him about her they had something happen once years ago but hes been vague on details of what, he has said that in the past he has wondered if he should be with her.

This alone would be enough to make me wary but there have been at least two occasions during lockdown where she has text him to see if he wants to go for a drink and he has just gone, even though he is supposed to be working from home. Today I was supposed to take him to the garage to collect his car but she has taken him instead.

He says she is married and invited me to meet her and her husband but given the things I've read on here and known a friend who had an affair do that doesn't mean much. Before lock down OH and I went to the pub and she was sat the other side on her own OH went over and asked her to come sit with us but she wouldn't.

I'm too embarrassed to talk to anyone irl about it so tell me, am I crazy?

I'm sure you'll get people disagreeing with me but I wouldn't be comfortable with it, and I wouldn't want to deal with it either!

I suppose if you value your relationship and are otherwise happy with other half you could meet her and see how you feel after that

But personally I feel like life is to short to be bothering with this sort of scenario, but I am old and bitter sooo 🤷🏻‍♀️

No I wouldn’t be happy with any of that, especially my husband telling me he wonders if his long lost friend is somebody he should be with!

My stbexh, got back in touch with an ex girlfriend last year. They connected through Linked In, not fb. He asked if I minded if they met for drink as their professional lifes crossed. I was suspicious but had no other reason to doubt. They are now a couple and living together. Trust your gut.

... I don’t see what the problem is at this point in any way? I’m assuming this is a childhood or uni friend, and it sounds like you’re both happily married?

So he has met up with her a few times and been upfront about this.hes suggested a double date with her husband.

The only issue seems to be your husband telling you they had some sort of past together. If this is bothering you, then you should ask him for more information about this situation, when was this, how did it end, etc.

I don't think you're crazy to be nervous or worried, but I do think him wanting you to meet her and her husband shows good faith -- he wants you to know that he doesn't think about her in that way. I'd go along and see how it seems. You wouldn't like him telling you you couldn't see male friends, presumably.