... or is DC’s GM?

[Pogmella]

I have 2x DC with ExH. We get on well and I get on well with their GM/My ExMil.

With DD in particular she does this rather odd thing I find increasingly inappropriate. She buys clothes and accessories for her (usually a lot fussier and frillier than I’d choose but this is fine and DD absolutely loves them) and dresses her in them to take her out for lunch or whatever. She then changes her back out and into her old clothes to send her back?! I only realised the extent this week when she had to bring them back early and literally stripped her of leggings, a jumper and hair clips on the doorstep. I stepped in and put a stop to the leggings and said I’d post/give them to Exh.

I text Exh and he was a bit like ‘tell me about it she does it with me too’ which makes me feel better it’s not just due to the split but it’s still very odd?! She does have another GD but she’s 4 years older so I can’t see these clothes will be being shared or used at all and at the moment with COVID they’re obviously not seeing their GPs very much.

AIBU to find this odd?!

Also- is it worth raising with her? DD isn’t a dolly to dress up but I suppose it’s not going to damage her hugely...

Perhaps it's to do with covid? Some people strip off and wash their clothes as soon as they're home. But yes I'd findthis very bizarre.

Hmm is she taking them back to the shop for a refund?

My guess is that your your ex MIL and your DD play dolly dress up when the two of them spend time together. You have already said they clothes are frillier and more fussy than your taste.

Knowing the clothes aren't to your taste, I imagine she thinks she will not see them again if she hands them over. Or you and your ex will make the 'she had it on yesterday and it's in the wash story: If your DD loves it where is the harm?

When my son was small, his grandparents would buy him toys when we were visiting, but the toys had to stay there. We would only visit once a year (it’s a long way away) so my son would not be interested when we next went to see them. I thought it was odd, and slightly cruel, as my son wanted to bring his new toys home with him.

Imo she wants to have 'stuff' kept at her house as it reinforces in her mind her relationship with your dc...
Humour her op as long as dd has no issue being dressed up!!

Perhaps offer that you’ll dress DD in them for the next time and suggest she doesn’t need to be changed on the doorstep?

That's quite strange. How old is your dd?

I cant say I'd be that bothered, I would find it weird but people are weird. So long as it's not bothering your DD I'd leave her to it

I'm not sure I'd let her stripe the child literally on the doorstep. Some modesty/privacy required. I'm assuming a toddler dd rather than any older but that has to be inappropriate...
That said many kids have clothes that stay at one house or other and so long as the kids dont think the swapping of clothes is an issue I wouldn't worry too much.

My ex MIL used to be like this, kids would wear 'their' clothes while there and have to change back into mine before coming back. And 'their' toys had to stay there, no chance could they come back with them even if they wanted to. Clothes wise it made it easier for me tbh as I knew 'my' clothes were coming back and weren't going to get lost - this happened A LOT in their house, not just with clothes.

It got better as DC grew. It's an odd thing to do but try to just put up with it!

DD is 4. I guess it doesn’t bother me crazy amounts but like a pp said I just think it feels a bit mean to be taking hair clips off her and a bit undignified to strip her.

I wouldn’t ever dress her in these clothes myself- that’s a fair point. I guess I just wonder how it’ll evolve as DD gets older and why she’s that bothered- interested someone said it was about having a bond with her. Also a bit sad DS gets left out the picture!

seems like MIL is playing out some fantasy of hers - dressing your DD up in 'frilly/girly' stuff and then parading her round town....
and she's not buying the stuff for your DD - it's for MIL's pleasure hence why she takes everything back at the end of 'contact'.

Maybe she's playing at 'mummy' and doing things she didn't get to do the first time?
Either way, i'd be putting a stop to it.
Your child is not a toy doll you strip off once you're done 'playing' with her.

@toiletpaper yes that’s what it’s like I think- I was aware of ‘their’ toys and pjs etc for sleepovers (pjs totally make sense!) but not that it was happening with all their outfits even if she was taking them from my house out to lunch and home again on the same day. I think I was aware from photos it happened for overnight stays but I assumed that was because she wanted to wash their original outfits (she always returns them in the change of clothes provided but with the first days’ clothes washed and pressed)

Be grateful - you don't have to launder the frilly dresses. My MiL came to stay when I went away for a week when DD was 3, and it was discovering the joy of ironing the dresses that stopped her buying any more!
But stripping her on the doorstep seems a bit off - perhaps next time you can pre-empt by telling daughter "you go on in quickly and change into your pyjamas and then bring granny's dress back down". Or just offer to wash it ready for her next outing with granny.

@monkeymonkey2010 she doesn’t have a daughter but has always said that’s a relief as she wanted boys so I guess I’m surprised she’s into the whole frills thing. Without being super outing they’re from a Celtic nation and there does seem to be a whole thing locally about little girls in these frilly ankle socks and big hair bows.

My only red flag would be is the DGM going to stop doing this when your DD is no longer willing or happy to dress up in these outfits. I think it’s no harm as long as your DD will be able to say no without feeling pressured to wear the outfits as she gets older.

@lanthanum Oh no the laundry thing never bothered me- anything that gives me less washing is AOK! I meant I’d assumed she changed them in order to wash the clothes but now I think she washes the clothes as a side benefit of changing their outfits.