Should I ask for contribution to cost - WWYD?

[bigdecisionstomake]

Our boiler has died and needs to be replaced. Cost is around £4000 as have decided to change from system boiler to combi.

DP and I live together in my house which I now own outright. I have two young adult DCs, one at Uni who is home for around 4 months of the year and the other who left school last year and is in his first job and currently living at home full time.

DC at Uni obviously doesn’t contribute financially to household while he is at home, working DC does contribute a small amount but I am putting that in a savings account for him as he is saving really hard for a house deposit and I want to be able to give him that money back towards costs/furniture etc...That is obviously my choice.

DP and I earn about the same, his salary is slightly higher but I take home a little more (maybe £250-£300 per month) as I choose to work quite a bit of overtime. I have a small pot of rainy day savings but not enough for the whole amount of the boiler so some will end up on a credit card until I can clear it. DP has similar savings possibly a little more.

I am quite independent financially and don’t like relying on anyone else for money but am aware that sometimes I end up out of pocket because of this. When DP moved in with me around 8 years ago he was originally only contributing a bit towards the food bill. Gradually over time his contribution has increased to 25% of all household costs such as fuel, council tax, water etc... plus a contribution towards food.

I am happy with this although it does sometimes cause problems because he essentially has more disposable income with me and would like more expensive holidays etc... than I can afford. If it is relevant, DP has his own home which he rents out. The rent covers his mortgage so he essentially has no running costs for that house but he has to save a little for repairs and new appliances etc....when needed.

So....to the main question. As it is my house should I pay the whole cost of the new boiler, or as we live together and will both be getting the benefit do I treat it as a running cost and ask DP for a 25% contribution.

YABU - pay for it yourself
YANBU - ask for a contribution

[Nestme]

£4000 pretty normal for a new non-combi boiler for a large house.

[mxjones]

It depends. If you sell the house then will the profits be shared? If he's contributing to the physical building costs then he's getting an interest in the property, not legally perhaps but morally?

[ilovemyrednosedaymug]

Boilers are expensive, it cost £3K to replace my Gran's boiler.

I do not think that your DP should contribute to your boiler though as it is your house. When XH lived with me before marriage, he paid 50% of everything except the mortgage and repairs, as I did not want him having a claim on my property in any way.

Although, like others here, I do think that your DP should be paying 1/3 of the other costs now if there is only one DC at home most of the time. When second DC moves out then it should go up to 50%.

[Notcontent]

I have not read the whole thread but as you own the house, and it is not intended that he will ever have any ownership interest in the house, what would be better is if he paid you rent. That would put you in a more equal position. I think you need to sit down and discuss this. Given that your dc also live there some of the time, his rent could just be a proportion - e.g. if the market rent for the whole house is £1000 per month, he could pay £300. That would give you money to pay for capital expenditure such as a new boiler.

[MaskingForIt]

Are you sure you want a combi boiler? If you’re in the shower and someone else runs a tap/flushes the loo your shower will run cold (unless you have an electric shower).
They’re okay in flats or very small houses, but if you’re in a family home I’d keep the boiler and hot water tank set-up.

[snowgirl1]

You should pay for the boiler, but he should be paying you rent. When my DH (then BF) moved into my house he volunteered to pay half the rent he got from renting our his house.

You need to resolve this, as the difference in your incomes is only going to get bigger once his mortgage is paid off and the rent he's getting becomes income for him rather than just covering his mortgage.

[FippertyGibbett]

@MaskingForIt

Are you sure you want a combi boiler? If you’re in the shower and someone else runs a tap/flushes the loo your shower will run cold (unless you have an electric shower).
They’re okay in flats or very small houses, but if you’re in a family home I’d keep the boiler and hot water tank set-up.

I agree.
I keep my boiler and tank set up so that if the gas goes off I’ve still got the immersion heater for hot water.

[Chickenwing]

No. You should pay for the boiler as you are essentially his landlord.

He should however be paying a fair "rent" plus half the gas, bills, food, etc.

[Justaboy]

£4000 pretty normal for a new non-combi boiler for a large house.

Well i wouldnt give it house room anyway!

[Oneapennytwoapenny]

Should he contribute towards household bills? Yes absolutely (although I’m not sure that 25% is enough, especially as you’re not charging him anything by way of rent either).

Should he feel obliged to invest in repairs for a home he doesn’t own and has no claim over? I’d say no. Maybe different if you’re planning on getting married in the near future and jointly sharing your assets. What would happen if, say, you needed a new roof. Would you also expect him to cough up for that?

[S00LA]

I agree with everyone who says that you need to charge him more every month.

25% is too little because

He’s not paying any rent. Normally people pay rent PLUS bills for a house share, not bills alone.

What would the rent be for a shared room in your area ?

Re bills :

CT should be split 3 ways not 4 as students don’t pay

Most other costs are a 3 way split as student Doesn’t live there most of the year

You use the Rent to cover ( among other things ) a proportion of the costs of wear and tear on the house. This might be small things such as a new kettle, a repair to a blind or larger ones like a new sofa . None of these contribute to the capital value of the house, unlike the new boiler.

[Florencex]

No you should not ask for a contribution towards the boiler. I cannot believe that 83% say you should, very cheeky in my opinion.

You have a set up whereby he is a tenant or a lodger, tenants or lodgers do not pay for repairs.

Unless you are happy that he takes a beneficial interest in your house meaning you need to buy him out should you split up, the costs of maintaining the house are yours alone.

[Notyoungbutscrappyandhungry]

I think as you have kept financially with each of you owning a home it's a little different. Presumably if the boiler went to his house, he would pay for it. He is basically a tenant and you are the landlord. I suspect the issue is that he isn't paying enough rent to enable you to save. If he does pay for house repairs he may well gain a claim to the house. So be careful how you handle this.

[VivaMiltonKeynes]

He should be paying 50% of the household running costs. As for the boiler no as he has no benefit from the sale of the property .

[AdoreTheBeach]

This isn’t a bill as in gas, electricity, council tax etc. This is maintenance and a regular type of household appliance that will be subject to wear and tear, need replacing.
If you want to share these types of ongoing costs with him, then share the asset with him (ie, the value of the house)

Rather, increase his contributions so that you have a greater fund for house maintenance. Eventually you may need a new roof, new subdues, new door, kitchen etc. If he doesn’t to share in the value of the house, then paying directly for these things can give him an edge on being entitled to a portion of the value of the home A general contribution though would not.

[mum11970]

Your boiler, your bill. There’s a big difference between splitting the cost of big purchases that can be split equally should you split and paying for something that is a fixture in the house. You are mortgage free, his house is being rented out covering his mortgage (therefore making him mortgage free at the moment) so just split day to day running costs, taking into account one of your sons also lives there full time. A third would seem a reasonable sum.

[buckeejit]

I'd be charging him more rent. Good opportunity to up his contribution or ask for half the rent he receives.

If you split up he would have gained massively financially from this setup & you'd have lost out. It's a red flag that he isn't being fair. I'd be thinking about getting him to move out & get a lodger in.

[Mmn654123]

@Florencex

No you should not ask for a contribution towards the boiler. I cannot believe that 83% say you should, very cheeky in my opinion.

You have a set up whereby he is a tenant or a lodger, tenants or lodgers do not pay for repairs.

Unless you are happy that he takes a beneficial interest in your house meaning you need to buy him out should you split up, the costs of maintaining the house are yours alone.

So he should receive full rental income on his own property and not give her a penny of that, and not pay anything but a bit towards bills so he has buckets of disposable cash and she’s struggling? I can’t believe the responses on here. He’s taking the piss. He owes you half the rental income from his property since he moved in and any decent person would have offered it!

[Mmn654123]

He isn’t a tenant if he pays no rent! And he isn’t a partner if he keeps ‘his’ money to himself while living essential for free under ops roof. This is every kind of wrong!

[Azerothi]

Your boyfriend should be paying more rent and a larger bills proportion but you should pay for the boiler. Him paying towards the boiler will not give him a stake in the house.

It will say a lot about your boyfriend whether or not he offers to contribute towards the new boiler.

[Mmn654123]

@mum11970

Your boiler, your bill. There’s a big difference between splitting the cost of big purchases that can be split equally should you split and paying for something that is a fixture in the house. You are mortgage free, his house is being rented out covering his mortgage (therefore making him mortgage free at the moment) so just split day to day running costs, taking into account one of your sons also lives there full time. A third would seem a reasonable sum.

Why would op make him ‘mortgage free’? He isn’t mortgage free. She is. He needs to keep paying his mortgage and he should be delighted he gets 50% of the rental income to make life more comfortable for him. Keeping all the rental income is greedy and selfish and unbelievable grabby!

[shitinmyhandsandclap]

He's lived with her very cheaply for 8 years! He should have offered to pay towards the boiler, it's his home too.

[maddening]

I would replace the boiler but then rent out my house and rent a joint house together where rent and all household bills are split in half.

[Lovemusic33]

He should be paying more towards the bills, if he was paying his fair share then I would say you should pay for the boiler (it’s your house) but as he’s not paying much then maybe he should pay towards the boiler even if it’s a small amount?

[mum11970]

Bear in mind if he pays towards the boiler it is partly his, how are you going to give him his share should you split up?