Should I ask for contribution to cost - WWYD?

[bigdecisionstomake]

Our boiler has died and needs to be replaced. Cost is around £4000 as have decided to change from system boiler to combi.

DP and I live together in my house which I now own outright. I have two young adult DCs, one at Uni who is home for around 4 months of the year and the other who left school last year and is in his first job and currently living at home full time.

DC at Uni obviously doesn’t contribute financially to household while he is at home, working DC does contribute a small amount but I am putting that in a savings account for him as he is saving really hard for a house deposit and I want to be able to give him that money back towards costs/furniture etc...That is obviously my choice.

DP and I earn about the same, his salary is slightly higher but I take home a little more (maybe £250-£300 per month) as I choose to work quite a bit of overtime. I have a small pot of rainy day savings but not enough for the whole amount of the boiler so some will end up on a credit card until I can clear it. DP has similar savings possibly a little more.

I am quite independent financially and don’t like relying on anyone else for money but am aware that sometimes I end up out of pocket because of this. When DP moved in with me around 8 years ago he was originally only contributing a bit towards the food bill. Gradually over time his contribution has increased to 25% of all household costs such as fuel, council tax, water etc... plus a contribution towards food.

I am happy with this although it does sometimes cause problems because he essentially has more disposable income with me and would like more expensive holidays etc... than I can afford. If it is relevant, DP has his own home which he rents out. The rent covers his mortgage so he essentially has no running costs for that house but he has to save a little for repairs and new appliances etc....when needed.

So....to the main question. As it is my house should I pay the whole cost of the new boiler, or as we live together and will both be getting the benefit do I treat it as a running cost and ask DP for a 25% contribution.

YABU - pay for it yourself
YANBU - ask for a contribution

[bigdecisionstomake]

OfTheNight That’s helpful, thank you. I’ve found the whole blended family thing very difficult and DP tends to just fall in with what I suggest. I think unfortunately I try really hard to not take advantage of him but that ends up to my own detriment sometimes.

[TippledPink]

@Rainbowqueeen

I don’t think he should contribute towards the boiler but I think he should be paying a higher percentage of household bills. I think 40 percent would be fair

Agree with this.

[bigdecisionstomake]

@InfiniteSheldon

When I met my dh I had dc at uni and my own home and mortgage. He was mortgage free, we rented his out and lived in mine. He paid the rent after agents fees into a joint account and we channeled a % into saving for tax bills. All our household bills came out of the joint and we both paid a further set amount in each month to cover them. I paid my own mortgage but any major expenses for either property were paid jointly. This system involved a lot of discussion and quite a few tense debates but I wasn't prepared to house him for free whilst he had rental income. You need to formalise your situation it's not currently fair.

That sounds really sensible actually. We have tried to keep our finances completely separate as far as possible as I thought that would be easier in the long run but maybe a more joint approach would work better.

[Bygone]

It would be interesting to see if he offers. I think you have a semi-cocklodger

[sst1234]

He should not be paying for the cost of the boiler, it is not his house. Also why should he pay 50% towards bills etc, he is not 50% of the household, he is only 25%. OP is paying for her kids to live there, that’s her responsibility, not his.
Al those saying he should pay more have different standards for men and women on this thread which is not consistent.

[tealady]

8 years living together is quite a long term relationship!

Is there something holding you back from committing more fully? I would have thought after this amount of time you might both be ready to fully commit especially given you both have similar financial positions.

It seems unfair that he ends up with more disposable income. It won't be long before your children are independent so will he pay more if they leave home?

Are you able to have open discussions about finances and how do you think your dp views the situation. Does he feel the same about your children as you - ie they are your expense.

[Fedupoftheworld]

He should pay towards it, I wouldn’t expect a large amount but something at least since he’s lived there for 8 years and has been benefiting from it at a faction of the cost. I’d also look at him paying a bit more towards the bills. YABU to expect your children to pay though if your DP doesn’t.

[Poulter]

Actually I think you're better off legally charging him more rent for everyday bills than his paying towards the boiler, which could be argued as renovations to the fabric of the house and therefore potentially give him a stake in it. Definitely charge him more towards the bills. See if you can backdate it as you've come to realise it's unfair on you. No wonder he's got more disposable income: he's not paying his mortgage, his tenants are; he's paying minimal bills and didn't pay any at the beginning. His response will tell you everything about him.

[RatanPostmaster]

He lives in your house and he enjoys the heat from the boiler. So he should definitely contribute at least 25%.
You don't live in the property that he rents out and so you shouldn't contribute to anything there.

[dontdisturbmenow]

It was fine all those years, you can't decide it isn't just because you suddenly face costs you would have even if he wasn't living here.

That's they key aspect. You have an arrangement that means you are no worse off if you were on your own. Expecting him to pay more than what you'd pay anyway means profiting from him and that not in.

Either you have an arrangement that means that you share your finances and accept that this comes with the potential of being worse off than you'd be if single, or you keep things seperately and pay what you would if you were not together. In this instance, the boiler. After all, you could kick him out tomorrow and he would have no benefit of his investment whilst your house I creased in value.

You can pick and choose when it suits.

[Bygone]

id look at getting a local plumber and buying the boiler separately yourself

Definately.

Look up the price of the boiler that British Gas had.
I bet they are taking a big chunk on top.

Most heating engineers will buy it for trade price for you & fit it.

[Thecobwebsarewinning]

I think as an adult who will be living in the property and benefitting from the new boiler long term he should definitely be contributing to the cost of it and I’d think 40% would be fairer than 25%. I’d be a little pissed off that he hadn’t offered but from what you say, that doesn’t sound the way your dynamic works.

[MzHz]

If he has no ability to claim any degree of entitlement to your home, then no, no contributions to boiler

If the relationship ended tomorrow he’d have to leave and he has somewhere to go (eventually)

Have you legally protected your home in terms of him claiming entitlement?

[user1493494961]

I also don't think he should contribute to the boiler but he should be paying a larger monthly amount towards bills.

[burnoutbabe]

No contribution to the boiler as your house.
I assume he pays only 25% of bills as you have adult kids as well using up all the stuff and eating their share of the food? He probably should pay half the council tax if the kids disregarded?
Yes he gets a good deal but the op keeps her house as her own.

[doublehalo]

Maybe he should contribute 25% of the boiler cost? He's had a very good deal from you for the last 8 years.

Going forward you'll need to change how you do things. You should have a sink fund for house repairs at least.

[FippertyGibbett]

It’s your house, he is a lodger. You pay for the boiler.

[bigdecisionstomake]

To all saying that if he pays a contribution to the cost of the boiler it may give him a stake in the house in future - this isn’t something I had considered. I think on balance then I will pay for the boiler myself but ask for a higher bills contribution each month and save the extra money towards future repairs and upkeep costs.

Thank you for all your contributions, you’ve given me lots of food for thought!

[goingtotown]

so some will end up on a credit card until I can clear it

You need to ask him to contribute, don’t get into debt.

[roses2]

@Itsabeautifuldayheyhey

If your DP needed a new boiler or central heating system at the home he owns, would you contribute towards it? The answer should tell you whether he should contribute to the cost of the system in your home.

This ^. Does he have any stake in your house? If not you should pay.

[dontdisturbmenow]

You could ask for a slightly higher contribution to bills on account of of your eldest not home 8/12, but as there should be a reduction in cost of bills, it shouldn't make a massive difference.

Is it your eldest 1st year at uni? If so fair enough to ask, if not, it seems petty to ask now.

How does it work when you go out, do you share everything 50/50? It all sounds a bit sad after 8 years together.

[Mmn654123]

He should be giving you 50% of the rental income on the property he lets out. You should pay to maintain your home. He should pay to maintain his home. All utility bills should be split as they are while the kids live at home (25/75) and then change to 50:50 when it’s just both of you living there.

Why would you subsidise him just because you have paid off your mortgage? The rent on his property is generated because he lives in your home.

[Mmn654123]

When I moved in with an ex-dp and rented my property out, I continued to pay mortgage, ex-dp continued to pay their mortgage and we split the rental income 50-50 because it was being generate as a result of us moving in together. Would have been outrageous to keep that money and just pay a bit towards bills. I would have been essentially living for free!

[Justaboy]

££ 4000 bloody quid for a boiler?,

Which palace is this for your Maj ??

Never did like combi's anyway bit 4 grand!??

[PlanDeRaccordement]

@Laaalaaaa

The more he contributes, the more problems you could have if things go wrong between you in the future. It’s not always as easy as you read on here when the unmarried partner leaves the home they do not own. A friend of mine split from her partner who moved into her house and when split a few years later was ordered to pay her tens of thousands as it could be proved she had contributed to xyz.

This is why I voted YABU, don’t ask for contribution.
If he contributes to repairs of the house you own, he will end up with an interest in your house that if you split, you will have pay him.
Think, if the boiler went in his house, the one he rents out, he’d have to pay full cost of replacing it.
The situation is the same here only you live in your house.

On a side note, with 1 DC away at university, there are now 3 of you in home so he should be paying 33% of all household costs- food, utilities,