To be upset someone gave away a cat I already gave away

[SadCatMom]

I rescued a cat years ago and she turned out to be pregnant, towards the end of the pregnancy I adopted a 6 week old kitten that needed a mother. My cat then gave birth to 4 kittens and I raised all 6 cats together.

As you can imagine 6 cats is quite a lot for one small household but I didn’t sell/give them away as kittens and kept them for as long as possible. I became so attached I couldn’t bare to rehome any. I got the mother spayed straight after giving birth (I strongly believe in it).

The best friend of DS’s dad offered to take 2 siblings and I finally agreed (after much convincing and tears on my part) as 6 cats really was difficult and they weren’t going far. I didn’t want any money for them but I did ask for them to be spayed and even offered to pay for it myself. They were all house cats at this point but were (literally) climbing the walls to get out so I had the remaining 4 neutered and let them go outside.

Forward 3 years and heartbreakingly one was hit by a car and left on the roadside, months later one was killed by someone and their dogs in a brutal manner. I was devastated. I’ve always regretted letting go of the 2 siblings that I did, but understood they had a loving home and that I’d taken on a lot in attempting to keep them all. Me and DS dad split years ago and he actually moved in with this friend so DS was still seeing the cats every week and they were still part of our lives.

I found out today that the friend’s girlfriend has given one of the cats away on Facebook. And that she was never neutered. I understand that as I technically “gave her away” first I have no right, but I feel so gutted that she didn’t just get sent back here to me and her mother. Also I would’ve paid for her to be spayed at any point, even when they were giving her to someone else.

AIBU to think there was no need to just give her away online to someone especially when she could get pregnant and when I would’ve taken her in a heartbeat or am I being precious?

I guess after 3 years they probably thought you'd wouldn't want them back. That's really rubbish though OP, I'm so sorry.

It's been 3 years since you gave them away. Yabu, but I get why you're upset.

Why on Earth didn’t you get the cat sprayed before you gave it away? Very irresponsible on your part. You didn’t bother despite it apparently being such a big deal to you but you trusted someone else to do what you didn’t why?

You gave them the cat, they’ve now given the cat to someone else. As you said yourself you’ve no right to feel gutted really, you gave the poor cat away first

You gave her away unspayed? So you can give her away, but they can’t?

Poor cat

Why on Earth didn’t you get the cat sprayed before you gave it away?

DS’s dad took them while I was out so that I couldn’t change my mind, I had them booked in with the rest of the cats to be neutered. I’ve offered to get it done ever since and was under the impression it had been

@Cakegirl2020 why just be nasty?

YABU you gave the cat away what happens to the cat after that is none of your business you do realise that giving a cat away means that they no longer be long to you. Also if you where willing to pay for the kitten to be spayed then you should’ve done that before you gave the cat away not just assumed that the new owners would do it.

I think in these situations it is better to rehome through a responsible charity, they are often full to bursting, but many will add animals to a waiting list if you care for them in the interim. That way the animals will be neutered, vaccinated and chipped and potential homes vetted if you arent able to do so yourself.
The rspca and cats protection also offer vouchers for neutering. You really have to be pro active rather than trust that other people will be responsible sadly.

Look on it as a lesson learned so that no other cats need to face such an uncertain future.

This is why you don't re-home animals yourself. It's almost never done responsibly and people always seem to get hurt in the process.

Next time, get them spayed and go via a rescue.

I’ll never be in a position to rehome again (I would very much hope) but yes I would get help from a rescue and advice from them I just thought it was a very trustworthy rehoming at the time to a close family friend.

Thank you for your advice

You might be judging them for their decision but two of them have died under your care if I read this right. That doesn't make you a better home.

Keep your cats inside or enclose your garden if you don't want to take the risk of them dying/eating poison/disappearing.

YABU. It’s been 3 years.

Not sure it was the best thing for you to have had so many cats, and your re-homing decisions have turned out to be unfortunate.

So..

You took on another cat knowing you were expecting kittens..

Then you kept them all long past the cute kitten stage where they'd be easy to rehome, but didn't neuter any except the mother...

For future reference, you can neuter when they are the right weight which is pretty small still, and its always better to rehome as kittens not as half grown adults - keeping a whole litter is always likely to cause cats climbing the walls and wanting to disperse away from one another.

It's a shame the home you sent two of them too appears to have failed them but I am not sure you've done any better a job of it either.